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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK ladies, I'm feeling a bit down because DS is now 4 months old and I still don't have much drive to dtd. Poor DH. We have dtd a number of times, but I am totally doing it to make him happy- I don't have any desire and that doesn't really make for a good session, kwim?<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> Plus, we have been using condoms (bleh) and lube for the first time in our 10 year relationship and they just aren't helping me feel good about dtd. I just don't feel as good about myself, as if I'm waiting for "me" to return.<br><br>
I kind of wish that AF would return so I could get some estrogen cycling back. I plan to continue EBFing until at least a year (of course solid foods when he wants them too) am I just stuck without a libido until then? Or until my cycle returns?<br><br>
ETA: oh yeah, since I'm posting here I am TTA- probably at least until DS is 1.5 or 2 or so. I haven't had a chance to start charting due to crappy sleep patterns and lack of brain cells for the first few hours of the day.
 

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Don't worry!<br>
4 months is still really early in the returning to normal scheme of things!<br><br>
With both my kids I didn't start getting frisky until I finished EBFing -- around 9 months when the food started to take over. I got my PPAF and started being interested (as in, more interested in sex than say, sleep) around the same time. By now (my DS is one year) I'm totally back to normal.<br><br>
IMO, it's partly the hormones, and partly the fact that it takes me about 9 months to get back in shape and start feeling attractive myself again (although I sure didn't worry about the shape when I was pregnant! So maybe it is the hormones) <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
The little-baby time seems like it's going to be forever, but it's such a short time in a woman's life -- I always wish I had relaxed and enjoyed it, rather than hurrying back to pre-baby body/normal life mode. This time is precious!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">
 

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Agreeing with the PP, 4 months is really early to expect your mojo to be back.<br><br>
(And female condoms are way better than the male variety, once you get the hang of "situating" them. Some midwives on here specifically recommend using them post-partum for the comfort factor.)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
OK- totally stupid question: are female condoms cervical caps and diaphragms? The only reason I didn't want to use those was because I am very sensitive to spermicide. Are they still pretty effective without?<br><br>
Glad to know I'm not the only one at 4 mo. RaraAvis, thanks for the reminder to enjoy lil' baby time!
 

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Female condoms are not cervical caps and diaphragms. Totally different. I haven't looked too much into female condoms, so I'm not sure if you have to use spermicide with them or not. I'm sure if you google, it'll tell you.
 

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Don't worry, you're not the only one! I was exactly the same way after #1. Luckily DH was understanding--hopefully your husband is, too. To be honest, it took me about 9-10 months before it felt mildly pleasurable and it wasn't until I started ovulating again at 15 months PP that I was back to my old self. In my case, DS was a poor sleeper and I did a lot of night nursing which I understand tends to affect your hormones more than BF during the day. I was so distraught and worried that I would never enjoy sex again, but things did eventually get back to normal. Hang in there, it will get better.
 

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Echoing PP, 4 mo. is still a very short time. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but it is. My ds (our first baby) just turned 9 mo. last week and things are much different than they were 5 mo. ago. I think what helped me the most was exercising regularly. I joined a really nice gym. The nursery at the gym is also really nice. I know that sounds not-quite-right, so maybe I should stress that this place is. really. nice. I think a lot of women have their little indulgences. This membership was mine. In addition to fabulous yoga and yoga-inspired fitness classes, I had regular sessions with a personal trainer. Also, while my son was with the daycare I had an hour to do my hair, make up, have coffee, check my email, etc. All the little things that make me feel human and more like myself. When I was four months post-partum I started working again, and between feeding him 5+ times a day and pumping 2 or three times a day, I lost a lot of weight. I gained 40 lbs. during pregnancy and lost almost 50 by the time ds was was 7 mo. I have since gained almost 5 lbs back, but I'm nursing a little less, (pumping once a day and nursing four or 5 times a day). My drive is pretty much back to normal. I think the way I am guaging this is my own interest in sex for my self (solo). Sorry if that is TMI, but in my opinion, it is really important to be frank about this stuff. To continue in the TMI vein, I have a small uterine prolapse due to weak pelvic floor muscles, and that also played a part in getting me back to normal. I saw a PT who specializes in this stuff for some exercises for a couple months, and an OB (birthed with a MW) at about 4 mo. (right before I went back to work), and she fitted me for a pessary. Since then, the vault of my vagina has shrunken considerably, so the "hot dog down a hallway" syndrome is no more as well. Hope all this info helps. I wish I would have had someone tell me this stuff back then.
 

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Totally normal. With DS, my mojo didn't come back until PPAF at 11 mo. Sleep deprivation and nursing can really do a number on your libido. Just remember that there is really nothing wrong, your body does this on purpose to help prevent another pregnancy so soon after birth.<br><br>
Now, it can vary from pregnancy to pregnancy too. With my second, I was raring to go long before the midwife gave the green light, and things have been great since. Don't know what was different between the two times.
 
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