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I feel like such a loser and a crappy mother today. Some of you may remember my thread awhile ago about how my baby nearly choked to death.

Things went great for awhile after that but they have slowly gone back to the way they were and today I looked around and was really disgusted with myself.

Part of me keeps hoping that when DS2 weans and I try out ADHD meds, then maybe that will be the magical thing that makes it all better. The other part of me says "Holy crap, if you can't pull this off for your kids, then nothing will ever motivate you".

We ended up not getting the cleaning lady because the one I knew and was comfortable with (I have social anxiety as well) decided to quit cleaning houses.

Argh. I don't know what the point of this is other than to say I suck.

Martha
 

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You need to take some of the pressure off, babe. Seriously.
You can do it, you will do it, both for your kids AND yourself. One step at a time.

Start out by sectioning off a room, or a corner of a room. De-clutter until it's completely baby proof. (And I don't mean by moving stuff to other parts of the house!) Then move on to another corner the next day. Little by little your house WILL be cleaned! For now do NOT worry about the deep closets and drawers and kitchen cabinets etc. Worry about where your LO can reach and crawl. Then when THOSE surfaces are clear you can worry about all the other clutter.



Keep us updated! Maybe post some before/after pics for us for inspiration or accountability if it helps you out!
 

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I bet you are a great mom. This does not make you suck as a mom.


I agree wit hthe advice given above. Set your timer for fifteen minutes and do some decluttering right now! You can do it! Baby steps!

I am reading the book "It's All Too Much" by Peter Walsh (of TLC's Clean Sweep!) and I like it because it's not just a decluttering-for-now book, it gives some long term plans and approaches to KEEP the clutter down in the future too. I had done a lot of deccluttering and it has built up again for me, too. Now I have to go through the boys toys and the stuff in my closet, again. Blah. But learning to live clutter-free is a serious lifestyle change and takes time. Be gentle with yourself!
 

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I second the "It's All Too Much" recommendation! It helped me get to a place where I could make serious decluttering headway.

Like the PP said- section off small parts of rooms and just babyproof. Do it in 15 min increments if you need to. Little by little, it will come together. It didn't get like it is in a day, and it won't get clean/decluttered in a day, but you can do it!!

This doesn't make you a bad mom. Can your DH help? I know that when I get overwhelmed, I need someone to dive in with me until I feel like I have a bit of control over the clutter. Maybe a good friend if DH can't?
 

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Oh, crazy, I just picked the Walsh book up from the library myself, I'm about halfway through and was going to recommend it to the OP as well. Great minds think alike!

Making huge changes and tackling large problems is overwhelming, I don't think it's easy for anyone -- no matter the motivation. Take small steps, forgive yourself for small backslides, and you can do it!!
 

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You are looking around and realizing that you don't want to live this way. But you know that beating yourself up isn't helping, right? You need to love yourself and treat yourself gently if you want to change your ways and take better care of your children and your home. I believe that I have ADHD and I have struggled a lot with messiness, perfections, overwhelm, and procrastination. Although I don't follow her system, I have really improved my ways since starting to listen to Flylady's podcasts. She encourages us to tackle things in short time segments and not let ourselves get overwhelmed by taking on too much at once. She wants us to develop the habits that make managing our homes second nature. Developing those habits is hard and you can't do it all at once. I think it is helpful to write down a list of the highest priority items to do each day and put it in a sheet protector on your fridge -- you can mark them off daily with a dry erase marker. The top of the list could be "spend 15 minutes making the home safer for the children" -- you could do that every day then reward yourself with coffee or computer time
. You can do something today to make your life better.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by kittynurse View Post
Part of me keeps hoping that when DS2 weans and I try out ADHD meds, then maybe that will be the magical thing that makes it all better. The other part of me says "Holy crap, if you can't pull this off for your kids, then nothing will ever motivate you".
If you really feel like you have ADHD, you need to stop being so hard on yourself -- it's not that you're lazy, stupid, or unmotivated. It's that your brain processes dopamine differently than neurotypical people's brains do, so you physically cannot maintain attention or prioritize between lots of different tasks. It's NOT YOUR FAULT.

(Sorry. My DH is the poster-child for untreated ADHD and how it can ruin your life, and this is a conversation I have with him at least once a week.)

Meds can really, really help -- they saved my marriage and I'm not even taking them. But until you're able to take meds, you might want to check out a couple of books for Adults with AHDH. "You mean I'm not lazy, stupid, or crazy?" by Kate Kelly is DH's favorite, but he also likes "10 Simple Solutions to Adult ADHD" by Stephanie Sarkis. They talk about coping skills that you're going to need even if you're medicated to help unlearn past bad habits.
 
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