Mothering Forum banner
1 - 8 of 8 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,592 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
about how life has changed so much in the past 2 years. It's been a little over 2 years since I joined the single parent board. Taking a trip down memory lane tonight (woo-hoo for the search button!).

First I have to say that almost 2 years ago to the day I responded to someone else's post on here about not being able to make rent. Lo and behold.... I'm in that same position right now
How ironic. A check came back for NSF (it was a check someone sent to me, so they took that money back out of my account, plus a $25 fee. I NEEDED that money to make rent since I got less than half the child support this month (which has been happening all freaking year now)). Oh well. I'll pay it late, it'll be fine.

Anyway, just over 2 years ago I was freaking out because my ex took me to court. He was asking for joint custody (physical and legal). He wanted every other weekend plus every wednesday night. Also splitting holidays. I will never forget that feeling, when I was served those papers. That sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach just never leaves when you learn someone is trying to take your baby.

(Fast forward to court and we ended up with joint legal, I have primary physical. He has visitation "at my discretion")

One year ago ex had never taken Owen for longer than 3 hours and was missing about 1/2 to 2/3 of his visits. At that time I was po'd at him for coming and going out of Owen's life and just wanted him to make a decision one way or another- to be a father or not.

Today- I'm kicking myself in the butt for that because he's not around. Deep down I feel this is a good thing for Owen (his dad really is crappy to him and Owen doesn't need that) but at the same time I feel bad for Owen who doesn't know his dad. How sad is it that an almost *3* year old has never said the word *dada* (or *dad* or any other variation of that) and even if his dad was standing right next to him and you asked him "where's dad?" he would have no clue what you're talking about
His dad hasn't taken him on visits for about 8 months now. He's turned into the "holiday dad" (and he even sucks at that because he never even asks to see Owen on a holiday- if he happens to be at his parents house when I bring Owen to visit them then he'll walk in the room for a few minutes).

I really don't know what the point of this thread is (man, I should go to bed and get some sleep
) other than to say it's amazing how much can change in such a short time. Makes me wonder where we'll all be next summer
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,942 Posts
I was thinking the same thing the other day. How much has changed in the past 2 years and how much I have chnged int he past 3. Ds's "father" has not seen him since christmas of '04 and he kept saying when I was pregnant what a good fathe he would be and how he wouldn't be a dead beat dad like most of his friends well he is worse than most of his friends are. Ds also would have no clue that he was his father. Ds has gone from a tiny little baby to a crazy little toddler
: I went from thinking I would ba a mainstream mom (before I was pregnant) thinking co sleeping breastfeeding and CD's were all weird well we still do all of the above
I remember when I first held Ds how scared I was knowing I would have ot raise this little baby to a become a fine decent young man and how scared I was knowing I would be doing this all by myself I knew that X would not be helping me he may have wanted to but mentally he would be of no help. I still at time have a little fear about it but I am at p[eace with it and in some ways think it is for the better. He has become such a nice little boy (for the most part
) he is actually polite and he cares for his cousins and myself and my grandmother and mother. He truely worries for them when they get emotional and tries to make them laugh and smile he will go up to us and hug us. I have changed in so many ways it is amazing when a I think of how I was and who I am today. We hopefully all be in wonderful places and happy places next summer
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
I agree that so much has changed. I am happy with the way things have turned out. I have a lot of struggles with ex now, but it sure beats living with him! I hope things have gotten even better by next year. I actually look forward to the future now - and looking back and seeing how far I've come is very empowering.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
16,735 Posts
Things have shifted SO much for me, as I have noticed for alot of you mamas. Thank you for the reminder


Kelly
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,305 Posts
Yes, Steph, thank you for the reminder. I took a trip down memory lane as well, and saw that a year ago last May I was posting for the first time, asking about if my one year old was weaning...
NOPE. A year and two months later, he's still going strong. There have been so many ups and downs with X - from frustration, to fear when I was served custody papers, to breakthroughs... Looking back, I sometimes wonder how I made it through some of those times without going bonkers. Then again, maybe I am bonkers!

I do know that the Single Parenting board has been a plce of support and inspiration for me.

I feel a group hug coming on...

 

·
Registered
Joined
·
557 Posts
Two years ago I was a lurker.
: (I'm so glad I finally got up the nerve to join last November.
) And my life was soo different two years ago from what it is now ... I still had my job, my youngest had just turned two (things had ended with the ex at Baby's birth) and I was planning on beginning to ttc as a single mother by choice .... but then I was laid off **sigh** It was a great work at home job that I'd had for thirteen years. So, yeah, back to school. Something I'd planned to do in any case, just not then ...

So I don't know that things a better now, or worse exactly, just very very different.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,335 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by Zyla
So I don't know that things a better now, or worse exactly, just very very different.
awwww.

lets see...two years ago I had just found out I was pregnant...R and I broke up the month before C was made (yes we had *one last time* in June 2004 and got pg...thats what we get for thinking one time w/out a condom won't matter!) I was going nowhere. I had no high school diploma...no job...no plans really...just aimless.

and now look at me...i'm working (well once i'm off maternity leave) taking care of my precious sons and not dealing with R's crap anymore. looking back i'm not sure why I believed him after C was born with all teh lies he fed me. its obvious now that I was his meal ticket and his place to live AND his way to have sex.
:

on the other hand... yay my name is in the title!
 
1 - 8 of 8 Posts
Top