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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>Hey ladies...Here's our shiny new chat thread for January. </p>
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<p>For anyone new who wants to join, this is a chat thread for mamas who have experienced prior pregnancy or infant loss and want a safe place to discuss our hopes and fears and dreams about our pregnancies.</p>
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<p><span><img alt="goodvibes.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/goodvibes.gif">Sticky vibes to all!!!</span></p>
 

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<p>I had another appt today. It seems like the Aldomet is doing its job, because my BP was down to 120/70 (which is EXCELLENT for me! It hasn't been that low in 2 years!). My OB gave me a referral to a Maternal Fetal Specialist. He said because of the 2nd trimester loss last time, he just wants to make sure all bases have been covered. I'm not really sure what to expect, other than he mentioned they will want to measure my cervix (???) and do a "fancy" ultrasound.</p>
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<p>Other than that, I am still nauseous, and still having insane food aversion. And SO tired. I can't wait to be out of the 1st tri.</p>
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<p>How is everyone else doing?</p>
 

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<p>I feel really good.  Which has me feeling negative and paranoid.  The only real symptoms I have are being really hungry and lazy.  Well I guess my boobs are huge, but that's probably from all the food I have been eating.  This pregnancy doesn't feel like any of my others (I am nowhere near sick enough) and I just don't know what to think.  I will be so upset if I gained all this weight for nothing (shallow I know, but that thought has been really bugging me). </p>
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<p>I have a doctors appointment on the 10th.  And then a visit with a specialist and an ultrasound on the 11th.  So I should have some answers soon I guess.  I am dreading the appointment though.  I am so tired of going for ultrasounds just to find out really bad news.  The dad of this baby dumped me yesterday and I am just negative right now I guess.</p>
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<p>I hope everyone else here is feeling good. </p>
 

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<p>I had my ultrasound this morning.</p>
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<p>They're usually right on time but today we had to wait 25 minutes.  In the waiting room they had this little video of a family going in for their scan in this same building (which is small) and doing it in the same room where I received my bad news last time.  I was feeling really nervous already while I was sitting there and when I saw that room in the video I started really feeling awful, like I have PTSD or something.</p>
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<p>Finally she called us in and said something like "so, tell me."  So I said "well I'm almost 10 weeks and I'm here for the first echo in the nuchal fold test and last time I was here I found out I had a dead baby."  (This was all in Dutch and I'm sure I phrased it all oddly.)  She looked confused, said "a dead baby?" and I burst into tears.  She was really nice and hurried along with her paperwork so I could get on the table.</p>
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<p>She got out the abdominal ultrasound and started looking and there was nothing.  I was totally panicking.  She said something about needing to do an internal exam and I just lost it.  I wasn't willing to do the little dance of "oh, we can't quite see well enough, let's look another way!"  I'm 10 weeks and that shouldn't be necessary.  So I'm saying this to her and she's saying let's just look and I'm saying but you shouldn't need to, and she's saying, let's just look again.</p>
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<p>So I get my trousers off while sobbing "why is this happening to me" over and over and then she sticks the dildo-cam in and looks around and there's nothing and then she twists it and there's a baby.  My husband says "see!" and I still didn't feel relieved because there was a baby last time, too.  It was dead.  But this one was moving.</p>
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<p>Shit, what a morning.  Baby is measuring at 10+1.  I'm 9+6 by ovulation.  She says my uterus is just tilted far back.  My husband was trying to get her to tell us how often the vaginal one is necessary at 10 weeks and she wouldn't even make an estimate, which seemed very odd.  But we got the impression that it was pretty darn unusual.  And he said the look on her face when she had to get the vaginal one out was not hopeful.</p>
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<p>While all this was going on, my best friend was giving birth!  During the scan I was just thinking "oh god, I'm going to find out that my baby is dead at the exact moment that Mina's baby is being born."  Thankfully that's not the case.  That would have been hard to deal with.</p>
 

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<p>Oh, Sarah, I'm glad it turned out well in the end, but  how stressful!</p>
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<p>I'm going to have a rough time for at least the next week and half.  Today is the 2 yr anniversary of my miscarriage.  I had quite the white night; even woke up at the time I miscarried.  <img alt="mecry.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/mecry.gif">So from now through the Sunday after this when I hit 11 weeks I know I'm going to be stressed.  Plus we're putting our house on the market today & DH leaves for 4 months in less than 2 weeks.  </p>
 

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Sarah- I felt that all too familiar anxiety welling up inside of me as I read your post. Glad everything turned out ok and baby is looking good.<br><br>
Crazy cat- hugs. Sorry to hear about the baby's dad- the last thing any of us preggo mamas needs is more stress. Not shallow about the weight. I've been really nauseous this time around and I keep praying that it is not for nothing. I'm feeling sooo miserable, I'd better have a healthy baby in my arms after all this misery.<br><br>
Ea- glad to hear about the bp. My bp goes sky high @ 36 weeks and I've been paranoid it'll be that way from the get go. Are there any impacts on your birth in regards to the medication- like you'll need a hep - lock or they may encourage an epidural as it can lower bp? I'm expecting to go on bp medications at some point during this pregnancy and it's all new to me. I just don't want to have a seizure/stroke so I'm going the hospital route vs 2 prior home births.<br><br><br>
Afm- I have my first midwife appt on Monday. Am nervous that things aren't as they should be though I am a bit more relaxed than in the past. I've taken progesterone during my last two pregnancies and my new midwife wasn't a believer ( and I've been on the fence as to how much it helps me personally) so I haven't taken it. I guess this'll be the true test. If, God forbid, this baby is not okay, at least I'll know definitively that I need it going forward. I pray that my instincts are right on this though and that my body is doing what it needs to do to grow a healthy olive.
 

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<p>Oh my goodness! This has been a stressfull couple of days for you mamas! I'm happy for the good news on your babies!</p>
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<p>I am kind of mad at myself...you know that time between being asleep and being awake? Well last night I jerked awake after realizing I had been making decisions such as what tree in our yard I would want to bury the baby under. It makes me really upset that I had those thoughts. Like my subconcious betrayed all my efforts to be sending the baby positivity?</p>
 

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<p>I've just come home from visiting my friend and her 2-hour old baby.  It has nothing to do with this thread, but somehow it made me feel good to see a gorgeous fat newborn so I thought I'd share.  This is my friend's 3rd and final child.  She was 5kg (after pooping), which is 11 pounds.  I wouldn't want to give birth to a baby that size, but it sure does make her gorgeous.  She's fat all over, not like my babies with their skrawny chicken legs!</p>
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<p>It was just nice to round out my extremely stressful day with a successful homebirth and a happy and newly-larger family.  I'm so glad that I didn't have to mar my memory of her arrival with the news of my own dead baby.</p>
 

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<p>I know this is slightly strange....but Im glad Im not the only one with the "dead baby thing." The few people that know I'm pregnant get really irritated when I say anything about the baby being "dead." Which makes sense...its morbid for me to say things like, "I'm due in August, if the baby isn't dead." or "I'm looking forward to my appointment cause I need to know that the baby isn't dead."</p>
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<p>But its my coping mechanism. So I'm glad it's other people's too.</p>
 

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<p>I am totally cynical too (re: the "dead baby" comments).. we have taken to referring to the baby as the "viable fetus" (although s/he is technically still an embryo). I don't feel like I've bonded with the baby yet, even though I've seen a HB, I feel like I am waiting for the ball to drop and don't want to feel too disappointed when that happens. I wish I could shake that feeling. Maybe after 15 weeks.</p>
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<p>Pjs- my dr hasn't said anything in regards to labor, yet. I've never had an epidural and have pretty quick labors (4.5 hours and 2.5 hours, last one we got to the hospital literally 5min before dd was born, I really thought I was going to give birth in the car) so if history repeats itself there may not even be time for one. I had a completely natural birth w/dd (Stadol w/ds, NEVER AGAIN) and assume I will do pain med-free again this time, but if I end up having to be induced, then all bets are off and I will probably opt for the epi (as I've heard pitocin is the devil).</p>
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<p>Crazycatlady- So sorry to hear about your break up. That's hard enough to go through when not pregnant.</p>
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<p>Sarah- great news about your u/s! I would have freaked out too, what an unfair thing to have to go through after a loss.</p>
 

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<p><a class="H-lightbox-open" href="http://www.mothering.com/content/type/61/id/513793/width/1000/height/800/flags/" target="_blank"><img alt="9weeks.jpg" class="lightbox-enabled" data-id="19003" data-type="61" src="http://www.mothering.com/content/type/61/id/19003/width/1000/height/500" style="; width: 1000px; height: 500px"></a></p>
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<p>I took this at work. It's a crappy pic from my crappy phone. I was holding the ultrasound probe in one hand and trying to take the picture so it was hard to get the image of the baby centered. We managed to get a few seconds of video, too. Baby looks good. He or she was wiggling all around. I don't know if you can tell, but that's a little hand up by the face. Love!</p>
 

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<p>Two friends who know I am pregnant just told me (one right after the other, but not together) that I am not showing at all. Which, I am not. I've actually lost a pound (not throwing up, but not eating very much either). This already makes me paranoid, but them pointing it out makes it worse. One said, "It's weird, aren't you supposed to show sooner with the second?"</p>
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<p>Anyone else not showing yet at around 11 weeks? I am now freaking out that the baby isnt growing.</p>
 

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<br><br><div class="quote-container"><span>Quote:</span>
<div class="quote-block">Originally Posted by <strong>motray36</strong> <a href="/community/forum/thread/1289819/january-pregnancy-after-loss-pal-mamas-chat#post_16175436"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a><br><br><p>Two friends who know I am pregnant just told me (one right after the other, but not together) that I am not showing at all. Which, I am not. I've actually lost a pound (not throwing up, but not eating very much either). This already makes me paranoid, but them pointing it out makes it worse. One said, "It's weird, aren't you supposed to show sooner with the second?"</p>
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<p>Anyone else not showing yet at around 11 weeks? I am now freaking out that the baby isnt growing.</p>
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<p><br>
I just shared on the other thread - I have a friend who is around 21 weeks pregnant with #5. She doesn't start showing until after her second trimester. I remember her 14 week belly shot - she had the tiniest hint of a belly. You could barely tell. Two of my aunts didn't look pregnant until 7 or 8 months. We all have different body types that effect when and how we show. Even uterine position plays a roll. It was pretty rude of them to point that out - as if you need to worry.</p>
 

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<p>Not showing yet is no reason to worry!  I am on my fourth and this is the first time I've shown early.  Even on my third baby I never got big enough to even need maternity pants.  Every body type is different.</p>
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<p>I have my blood work and ultrasound at the specialist tomorrow.  I am so nervous.  It's just been the weirdest pregnancy ever and I have no idea what to expect.  I will update after my appointment.  :)</p>
 

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<p>Motray - I am 9 weeks, but not really showing. I think I was bigger with DD2 at this point. I worry about it and I would be so upset if someone made a point of saying something to me! I am so sorry. At this point I am not super concerned, I still have lots of other symptoms, but it is in the back of my head all the time. It is really a peeve of mine that people think they have free reign to comment on the size of a PG lady or babies. I was very sensitive with both of my full term pregnancies, with my first I was very very small the whole time and freaked out and with my second I was huge and embarrassed! Then when DD1 was born she was so tiny and I got comments about it all the time. As if it was not bad enough that every moment of my life was filled with worry about her size and lack of weight gain, then I got to hear comments all the time. The 'whoo, that is one huge baby' with #2 did not bug me so much after everything we went through with DD1. Sorry, that was a rant, I just hate when people comment on size!</p>
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<p>Crazycatlady - when is your appointment? I really hope all went well and I am looking forward to your update.</p>
 

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<p>My appointment is done.  I am officially 8 weeks and 2 days pregnant.  Which makes my due date August 21st.  There was actually a wiggly baby in there with a heart beat and everything.  Even better...there was only one in there! </p>
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<p>It feels so real now.  I guess I was in denial or something before because all I can think now is "crap, I am having another baby!"</p>
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<p>I still worry about miscarriage and all that, but I think after this I am going to be a lot calmer about things.  I feel so much better now.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<p>So happy for you, CrazyCatLady!  It must be such a relief to finally have an answer about your EDD. </p>
 

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<p>That's great news, CrazyCatLady! August 21st is my birthday - it's a great day to be born. <span><img alt="thumb.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/thumb.gif"></span></p>
 

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<p>So happy for your great news CrazyCatLady! That must feel like a big weight lifted off your shoulders.</p>
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<p>Well, it's been nine days since my last ultrasound and the comfort is starting to wear off...I'm growing, still have symptoms, but I am getting more worried again. My next ultrasound is on the 31st so I have a while before I get to see baby again. My doctor is awesome and told me if I am ever feeling worried, just call and they'll let me take a peek, but the office is a 2 1/2 hour drive! Darn it...</p>
<p>Then, today I had a friend tell me that her sister is in the hospital in labor at 17 weeks. It broke my heart and makes me feel like there is never a time when you are "out of the woods" ya know? I just can't wait till I feel the baby moving and then I won't be so scared.</p>
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<p>I am so happy for this thread. It is really comforting to be able to support one another<span><img alt="grouphug.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="width:41px;height:25px;"></span></p>
 

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<p>Oh and MrsMike what a cute little peapod! Thanks for sharing the picture of your little one <span><img alt="luxlove.gif" src="http://files.mothering.com/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="width:17px;height:19px;"></span></p>
 
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