[mamatoablessing]

My mother sent me a column written by John Rosemond ("John Rosemond is America's most widely-read parenting authority! He is a best-selling author, columnist, speaker, and family psychologist" - taken from his website)

I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts on this column. I definitely get the feeling he is not GD, but uses a more authoritative type style.

But, I did like a few things I read in this specific column (I have not read anything else he's written). I would just be really interested in seeing what other GD'ers have to say...

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action...ebPageID=10987

Thank you!

 

[georgia]

Do I know of him

Do I agree with him

 

[slightly crunchy]

I actually agree with quite a bit of those points in the article you posted. However, I strongly disagree with his general attitude towards children, and the methods he advocates to get these ideas accomplished.

I think the key to it all is where he says "your children should obey"--how are you going to expect obedience all of the time, unless you enforce punishments? So even here I don't agree with all of it. But if you read more of his stuff, he is definitely NOT GD.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

I 90% don't care for him at all. Occasionally he will say something I can agree with and that's maybe the other 10% lol.

 

[georgia]

I didn't read the article link, I generally try and avoid reading him altogether these days. He has a negative attitude toward children and a punitive, inflexible approach to discipline, IMO. YMMV

 

[The4OfUs]

Here's what I liked from the article - chopped up for copyright reasons (see below)

:

Quote:

Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. <snip> assign them to chores around the home. Teach...happiness is not a matter of how much you have, but...how much you do with what you have. Teach...two of the most fun things to do are reading and travel. <snip> Spend time, not money. Let television and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all. Help your children develop hobbies. Teach good manners. Good manners [demonstrate] attentiveness to and respect for others show respect for a child by expecting of the child. <snip> Hold your child accountable for his behavior.

I didn't like anything about "parts" 1 through 3.

I think that adult relationships shoudl be *as* important as the parent-child relationship, not more important, which is what he seems to put out there. Part 3, well, "obedience" gives me the ickies.

I liked the ideas behind the parts above though, even if I don't exactly agree with his wording.

As slightly crunchy mentioned, I agree with some of what he says, for sure - but I don't feel comfy with many of his more authoritarian ideas. I used to read a lot of his stuff and would distill out what I liked, and shake off what I didn't like. He can be pretty hard a$$ about things with children.

Edited to add: Georgia, let me know if I quoted too much of the article and I'll remove it and try to paraphrase...... Edited again to add: done!

 

[may05mommy]

He's too authoritarian for me, but I've definitely seen worse. *coughEzzoandPearlcough*

 

[georgia]

100 words or less to comply with MDC copyright. I'm too preoccupied to count right now---could you please count approx. and edit if necessary? Thanks!

 

[Roar]

The fact that John Rosemond is by far the most popular children's columnist in the United States is really a scary thing.

Often he says one or two things that make sense and I find myself scared that I'm agreeing with him and then he says something positively hateful about children or their parents. He advocates sending rather young children to their rooms for the rest of the day and to bed without supper. He doesn't rule out spanking.

 

[Fuamami]

Yeah, I've read columns where he advocates spanking. He's a big jerky, IMO. I also read one once where the parents were complaining that their very bright and precocious three year old was too demanding because she could speak so clearly and always knew what she wanted. His advice was to not give it to her, and stop letting her make decisions. For example, she had been able to politely order for herself at a restaurant, he told them to start ordering for her again.

That just doesn't make any sense to me. But, then, the more independent my children get, the happier I am.

 

[Fuamami]

Oh, I guess he DOESN'T advocate spanking:

http://rosemond.com/index.php?action...ebPageID=10046

 

[captain crunchy]

One word: Ew.

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I was so glad when our local paper stoppped printing his columns. I did read them, DH and I would frequently have a "what didn't we like today" discussions on them. He has a few points that I agree with -- mostly about having high expectations of children. However, he is punitive in the extreme, very anti-GD (frequently speaks against it), and very much anti-AP as well. I almost pulled my child from a preschool that reprinted a column of his on pottytraining an "older" child -- where older was anything more than 24 months. It advocated locking the child in the bathroom until he had used the toilet, then locking him in his room for the rest of the day, with mandatory potty breaks every hour but nothing else. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

In general he advocates an authoritarian approach, believes that children should be taught to obey all adults, that any parenting techniques invented since about 1950 are useless. He says, repeatedly, that punishments must be "memorable" to be effective and advocates things like confining children as young as 3 to their rooms for hours at a time for such things as not willingly leaving the playground. 95% of the time he made me so mad that I wanted to scream through the newspaper.

If you want more, he does have a website, but much of what he says you have to pay a fee to get to.

 

[Roar]

Quote:

Originally Posted by natensarah Oh, I guess he DOESN'T advocate spanking: http://rosemond.com/index.php?action...ebPageID=10046

He says it is a reasonable option for some children in some situations.

What does it say about our country that he is hands down the most popular syndicated parenting columnist?

 

[EnviroBecca]

My parents' local paper prints his column. They used to send me the ones they agreed with (which I 90% agreed with, too) until they saw one that they very strongly DISagreed with! Now they don't clip it anymore.

Quote:

how are you going to expect obedience all of the time, unless you enforce punishments?

Expecting is not the same thing as enforcing. I expect that EnviroBaby will cooperate and behave pleasantly, and I relate to him with an attitude that shows my positive expectations. When he does something I didn't expect, I react with surprise and disapproval and guidance toward more acceptable behavior--not punishment.

From Rosemond's column:

Quote:

Spend more time in the roles of husband and wife than you spend in the roles of mother and father. Nothing causes a child greater insecurity than the sense that his parents' marriage is not the most solid, permanent thing in his life, and vice versa.

Sounds like somebody really needs to feel important to his wife.

Here's what I say: "Remember that you have many roles in your lives; you are husband and wife as well as father and mother. Strive to balance your attention among all the people who are important to you. Nothing causes a child greater insecurity than the sense that his parents' love for him is not the most solid, permanent thing in his life." (I don't know what he means by "vice versa"!)

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Often he says one or two things that make sense and I find myself scared that I'm agreeing with him and then he says something positively hateful about children or their parents.

It's like that for me too. Maddening isn't it?

Quote:

He advocates sending rather young children to their rooms for the rest of the day and to bed without supper. He doesn't rule out spanking.

I had never seen him address spanking before, but I know he's advocated withholding even regular meals as a punishment.

Both of these things are just totally inappropriate IMO.

 

[irinam]

Wow, only ten things to remember and you "grew yourself a happy child"

Reminds me of other articles, like "10 steps to a happy relationship" or "10 steps to a healtier skin"

:

Oh, and I disagree with the whole "tone" of article. Yes, there "could be worse". But the whole idea of viewing a child as a "thing to control and manipulate to an adult liking" irks me.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Expect your children to be responsible citizens of your family. <snip> assign them to chores around the home.

Assign chores? Nope. Model picking up after myself? Model helping other people pick up and do work around the house? Talk about why I do it and why I think it's important and valuable? Absolutely.

Quote:

Teach...happiness is not a matter of how much you have, but...how much you do with what you have.

Hmmm, I am tentatively agreeing lol. Of course I do want to teach my kids that mindless consumerism (gotta have it, gotta have it! attitudes) is not something I value. But I also want to be there to hear their feelings of disappointment or desire over something they want but do not have. We are not wealthy by any stretch of the imagination, and sometimes it's tough. Having an understanding ear can help.

Quote:

Teach...two of the most fun things to do are reading and travel. <snip> Spend time, not money.

Fun will look like different things to different people. Personally my Ds and I enjoy travel on a limited, short bursts here and there basis. My Dh adores travel and does not care much for reading. To each their own.

I agree that replacing personal time spent with someone with money is not something I strive for. Money does get spent though.

Quote:

Let television and video games into your children's lives very little, if at all.

Ohhh boy, that one would go over about as well as a lead balloon in my family. :LOL No. Freaking. Way.

Quote:

Help your children develop hobbies.

I definitely support and encourage them in doing things they enjoy. As long as he doesn't really mean force or bribe or pressure I am cool with this one.

Quote:

Teach good manners. Good manners [demonstrate] attentiveness to and respect for others

For the most part sure. I appreciate it when people treat me well, and I hope that I have guided (and continue) to guide my kids to do the same in their relationships. Of course, there are times when manners are not the important thing. (Standing up for one's self, for example, can be a time where I am not necessarily going to say "Please". I may even raise my voice. Gasp!

) I want the kids to know that there are times when manners are not the priority.

Quote:

show respect for a child by expecting of the child. <snip> Hold your child accountable for his behavior.

I show respect by being respectful. By trying hard to treat others as I would wish to be treated. I am not always perfect at doing so, but perfection isn't the goal so it's cool. Natural consequences often hold a child accountable, and I can be there to navigate all that. I also have no problem telling a child how I am feeling as a result of their behavior, so in a way I suppose that is accountability.

 

[WuWei]

He lives in our town. Don't get me started.

Pat

 

[The4OfUs]

Hey UnschoolnMa, thanks for your commentary, I agree with many of your counterpoints, actually - I think I was reading his words but "seeing" them differently, because I actually agree with much of what you said in relation to how he worded things. I guess I took what he was saying and reflected it in the way I modify what he said for my own family....does that make sense?