Mothering Forum banner

1 - 20 of 74 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,253 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Mamas,<br>
I just posted on the June thread and realized that we're way overdue for a new one. This threads for folks with preschool aged kiddos who are hsing their children either now or plan to in the future and want to chit chat with like minded mamas.<br><br>
After some exprimentaion over the last six months I've pretty much gone to unschooling for the summer, all that curriculum stuff is way to much work. I've been doing a bunch of reading on the Charlotte Mason method and have gotten really into the whole narration thing though, My dd's such a big talker, this really works for her. It's fascinting to hear her "make connections" (CM speak) as she narrates her stories back to me. I'm liking this much better than the FIAR type approach where it's the adult who leads the child through the nuances of the story. I'm thinking about selling my copy of FIAR but I can't quite bring myself to let it go because I do like some of the activity ideas.<br><br>
I am having a problem that perhaps you mamas could help with. My dd's and I often go over to a dear friend's house to play with her children. This is great except that my freind's children are extremely high needs and she really struggles with parenting them especially with discipline so it's kind of a violent household in that her children's disputes often quickly escalate into hitting, screaming, and shoving. She also allows them to play violently, lots of wresling, swords, etc.<br><br>
I go over there with my dd's about once a week and watch the kids play outside while this mama takes a few mins to herself to do housework etc because she is a dear friend and desperately needs the help.<br><br>
When we go over there I supervise the play very closely and intervene when needed so I feel like my dd's are safe and most of the play is actually pretty good but lately it seems that dd 1 has been experimenting with hitting and violent play in our own home now. Dh has suggested that perhaps we should discontinue playdates with this family.<br><br>
What do you gals think? I'm torn, on one hand I think it's a good learning experience for dd to play with these boys and work with them to learn better cooperation skills but I'm also quite concerned that perhaps I'm neglecting my own dd's needs to help this mama out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,753 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>natashaccat</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What do you gals think? I'm torn, on one hand I think it's a good learning experience for dd to play with these boys and work with them to learn better cooperation skills but I'm also quite concerned that perhaps I'm neglecting my own dd's needs to help this mama out.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
It's always hard to tell if kids are picking up something from other kids or just hitting another fun developmental stage. My ds didn't hit or bite until he was well past his third birthday. I'd hate to ditch a friend in need so maybe you could come armed with backup plans for when the play goes awry. Pulling out something novel can really sooth craziness, even something as simple as bubbles, as long as there are enough wands to go around. I thought this book looked good for getting ideas, but haven't gotten ahold of a copy. Maybe if you keep them all really busy, they won't have time to fight.<br><br>
Everybody Wins: Cooperative Games and Activities<br><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F0865711909%2F104-6783064-4293568%3Fv%3Dglance%26n%3D283155" target="_blank">http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/086...lance&n=283155</a><br><br>
We are also taking an unschooling approach. Today we went to a local park that has wild raspberries and picked a pint. Ds was disappointed not to make any new friends since the few people who were there when we arrived soon left. Our focus this summer is to hook up with more homeschoolers. Our local group doesn't do parkdays, unfortunately, but the neighboring groups do and we have been to a couple of those. I'd like to get to know people closer to home since the idea of driving 30 miles to play at a playground bothers me for ecological reasons.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,182 Posts
natashaccat I would try speaking to the mother about it, maybe offer her some help. If that doesn't work I would definately limit the play time they have together. My ds1 has learned from a former friend of mine's children that it's ok to hit, throw rocks at people, threaten, and spank. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> I finally had to just end the friendship because I couldn't stand watching her interact with her kids and I couldn't handle the things my son was picking up.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,253 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Pulling out something novel can really sooth craziness, even something as simple as bubbles, as long as there are enough wands to go around.</td>
</tr></table></div>
Overuse of distraction is actually one of the things that this mama does that drives me nuts. Her solution to any conflict is to pull out something bigger and better, so she's constantly scrabling around for things to distract her children from the source of conflict. Their interest will last for a few mins and then they'll be back to fighting. I think her children are testing limits and abusing their toys because they are really wanting her to teach them how to take turns and play in harmony instead of having her just pushing alternate activities on them.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">natashaccat I would try speaking to the mother about it, maybe offer her some help. If that doesn't work I would definately limit the play time they have together. My ds1 has learned from a former friend of mine's children that it's ok to hit, throw rocks at people, threaten, and spank. I finally had to just end the friendship because I couldn't stand watching her interact with her kids and I couldn't handle the things my son was picking up.</td>
</tr></table></div>
The thing is that this mama really is an AP parent and we share similiar parenting views, it's just that she has exceptionally high needs children and she doesn't know how to effectively teach cooperation skills. If I talk to her what exactly should I say? She knows that she has a problem she just doesn't know how to fix it.<br><br>
Do you folks think it would be out of line to tell my dd to respond to hitting with "I'm not going to play with you when you hit me" ? The younger boy just adores :heart my dd, so I think it would be an effective deterent but I'm worried about teaching my dd that she can exclude other children from her play.<br><br>
We don't know many other HS families with children dd's age so these are pretty much the only kiddos that my dd gets to play with on a regular basis.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,753 Posts
Yeah, I don't like the idea of just throwing new toys at kids but I think introducing more organized cooperative activities to keep them busy could help. I'm thinking not to stop them from fighting, but to keep them from getting started. I feel sympathetic towards your friend because my ds is pretty high needs, so I've always had to play very actively with him. It is very recent (almost 5 yo) that he will run off with other kids and play w/o my involvement. Recently I got to sit on a bench and talk to other mothers for the first time! So, to me, the norm for being with kids is to be very involved versus just supervising.<br><br>
I've read a bunch of stuff by Alphie Kohn which has influenced my perspective on cooperative play. He advocates avoiding competition. This article is a good one which might be helpful for your friend.<br><a href="http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcac.htm" target="_blank">http://www.alfiekohn.org/parenting/tcac.htm</a><br><br>
Gotta go drive dh to work!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
317 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>natashaccat</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Do you folks think it would be out of line to tell my dd to respond to hitting with "I'm not going to play with you when you hit me" ? The younger boy just adores :heart my dd, so I think it would be an effective deterent but I'm worried about teaching my dd that she can exclude other children from her play.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't think it is OK for children (or adults) to exclude others from activities, but there have to be boundaries. An adult would not be expected to continue having coffee with a friend that was being rude/ verbally abusive, so why should our children?<br><br>
She would basically be telling them "I will not allow you to hurt me." I wish more women/ girls would learn that concept early on.....<br><br>
As for your friend, maybe you can help her brainstorm ways for her to handle her children or find a book that might be helpful in dealing with high needs children. It sounds like she has good intentions and philosophy, but isn't sure how to put it into practice.<br><br>
I wonder, too if it would help if her children played at your house? I sometimes find that helpful as our house rules are different than a friends. I can just say "We don't allow that at our house." and usually the children understand and cooperate.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,042 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Stugroupie</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't think there is anything wrong with that. I don't think it is OK for children (or adults) to exclude others from activities, but there have to be boundaries. An adult would not be expected to continue having coffee with a friend that was being rude/ verbally abusive, so why should our children?<br><br>
She would basically be telling them "I will not allow you to hurt me." I wish more women/ girls would learn that concept early on.....<br><br>
As for your friend, maybe you can help her brainstorm ways for her to handle her children or find a book that might be helpful in dealing with high needs children. It sounds like she has good intentions and philosophy, but isn't sure how to put it into practice.<br><br>
I wonder, too if it would help if her children played at your house? I sometimes find that helpful as our house rules are different than a friends. I can just say "We don't allow that at our house." and usually the children understand and cooperate.</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
I think that's an excellent post! There go all my ideas!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Would the "spirited child" book help your friend? It has helped me in dealing with my DD and when we find ourselves battling it out, I end up back in that book. It's at our other house but I could look up the real name for you if you think it might help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
394 Posts
Just got my "Backyard Bugs" counting set from Learning Resources. Looking forward to starting to work with the boys on that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,253 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jennifer3141</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think that's an excellent post! There go all my ideas!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Would the "spirited child" book help your friend? It has helped me in dealing with my DD and when we find ourselves battling it out, I end up back in that book. It's at our other house but I could look up the real name for you if you think it might help!</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yeah that book is awesome, I think it really would help and have suggested it many, many times. I can't really understand why, other than perhaps she's just too busy trying to survive, but this mom hasn't been terribly proactive in helping herself. If she asks for ideas I do suggest things that have worked for me but it gets kind of frustrating to observe the whole situation because of the lack of self help on her part, KWIM?<br><br>
Speaking of bugs...Just out of curiousity, what is your take on killing insects? I've been teaching a live and let live philosophy. Basically, if it isn't biting, you don't kill it, but someone has recently pointed out to me that the wood ants that we occasionally see crawling around the outer part of our house can develop into a infestation that can cause serious damage. He promptly went on to smash several of them right in front of my dd's.<br><br>
My dd's now think that it's great fun to run around stomping on ants which I don't really like so I've modified my teaching of allowable insects to kill to mosquitos and ants crawling on our house but not random asalts on any insect that they see. Anyone have a different way of handling such things?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,626 Posts
<a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/redirect.html?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ur2&camp=1789&creative=9325&tag=motheringhud-20&location=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2Fgp%2Fproduct%2F0060923288%2Fsr%3D8-1%2Fqid%3D1152819479%2Fref%3Dpd_bbs_1%2F102-7678747-7795331%3Fie%3DUTF8" target="_blank">Raising Your Spirited Child</a> <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
We just got Shiller Math, and so far we love it!! DS has done about 23 activities now, and it's a hit. It's costly to start, but should last us a few years.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
natashacat- I have a friend who foster parents a couple of rather intense children, she tends to take one of 2 approaches when they fight, her first one is to not help distract or redirect the children, but to explain to them she expects them to solve their own problems without voilence, if they persist in violence, she takes away whatever they are fighting over and/or gives them both a time out (not prefect AP, but it does serve to seperate the children and give them time to calm,and think- plus since they both get the same treatment, it serves to strengthen their relationship). Not sure if any of this helps, but thought I'd throw it out there.<br><br>
I guess we've been unschooling the last few weeks. We've been vacationing and visiting family without any structured time. Today my dad gave dd a Leap Pad Learning System (b-day present), and I'm really happy about that, she enjoys it, it makes a great car toy and provides various new information for her. The only thing I have been annoyed with so far, is that there are lots of cool subjects for older kids, but it seems like most of the younger ones focus heavily on reading- but I'd like to see more science, history and music even for Kindergartners/preschoolers. But like I said, its still a great car toy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,182 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>OTMomma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Today my dad gave dd a Leap Pad Learning System (b-day present), and I'm really happy about that, she enjoys it, it makes a great car toy and provides various new information for her. The only thing I have been annoyed with so far, is that there are lots of cool subjects for older kids, but it seems like most of the younger ones focus heavily on reading- but I'd like to see more science, history and music even for Kindergartners/preschoolers. But like I said, its still a great car toy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"></div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
We've got a Leap Pad for my son, so far it's far more interesting just turning it on and off rather than actually following the stories. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I keep telling his father "it's his toy, let him enjoy it".<br><br>
My ds1 has really been picking up letters lately. I bought some magnet letters and stuck them on my fridge door. Every time I'm cooking he's right there asking me what each letter is ovre and over. Now he's started naming letters off of signs, boxes, magazines, etc... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> And my MIL thinks he needs to be enrolled in a preschool. Ha!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,485 Posts
Hello! We are having lots of fun playing with the school supplies I bought yesterday! I tried to stock up on all the school specials (crayons and glue are $.20 each!). Today we did finger paints outside for a while, and of course they have been playing w/ the crayons. The last several weeks I have just been doing sort of whatever was interesting DD at the time/day. I am hoping to start some sort of more themed unit in anothe rmonth or so? I need to get my ideas together, and start planning. Probably a farm unit or something? One thing I did find recently are the cool movies for kids on netflix! We don't watch much TV, but I got the National Goegraphic Dinosaur movie (a set for kids) and DD loved it! I have the African Plains one coming now.<br><br>
I am trying to get an Usborne book party started, b/c I want to get several books this fall. Any good recomendations? We are definately getting the Farm Yard Tales complete edition w/ CD b/c we have checked it out at the Library SO many times. I also want to get some of the Frank the Farmer, Vicky the Vet type books. Oh, nad I need a couple more of the Luxury lif the Flap learners. What are your DCs favorites? Do you think the Farm Yard tales activity book are over her head? I haven't seen them IRL so I don't really know? I am also considering some of the FYT stickerbooks? I'm not sure?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,042 Posts
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>natashaccat</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Speaking of bugs...Just out of curiousity, what is your take on killing insects? I've been teaching a live and let live philosophy. Basically, if it isn't biting, you don't kill it, but someone has recently pointed out to me that the wood ants that we occasionally see crawling around the outer part of our house can develop into a infestation that can cause serious damage. He promptly went on to smash several of them right in front of my dd's.<br><br>
My dd's now think that it's great fun to run around stomping on ants which I don't really like so I've modified my teaching of allowable insects to kill to mosquitos and ants crawling on our house but not random asalts on any insect that they see. Anyone have a different way of handling such things?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
We have earwigs here because we're very close to the water and talk about Ack! bugs. They look like Satan's minions to me. And they bite so we kill them when they are in the house.<br><br>
I have been trying to teach DD to catch bugs gently and we release them outside together. Unfortunately, many bugs have died in this endeavor. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes"><br>
But we try!<br><br>
I'm off to google Shiller math. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,042 Posts
Do we have an Usborne mama on this thread anywhere?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,182 Posts
Ds1 is really in love with starfall.com for his letters, he begs for it every day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Is there a site like that but with numbers? Does anyone know of one?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,253 Posts
Discussion Starter · #17 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lillake</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ds1 is really in love with starfall.com for his letters, he begs for it every day. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Is there a site like that but with numbers? Does anyone know of one?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
Yeah, I'd love that too, or even a decent math computer game that we could purchase.<br><br>
I'm torn on when to start a math curriculum. When dd started really getting into letters I got really excited and sampled a few phonics programs that I could borrow locally and it was a total disaster. As enthusiastic as she is about letters and learning to read she is definately not ready for anything so overtly parent directed. Pushing phonics to soon really created some disharmony for a while until I figured out to back off.<br><br>
So now I'm sort of wavering on how and when to start formally schooling numbers. It's so tempting to start something formal now because she's asking lots of math questions but at the same time it's been gorgeous outside and we have such very short summers.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
NAK<br>
Can I join? I've been lurking on similar threads to this one for quite some time. I'm planning to homeschool both my kids as they get older, so I already consider us homeschoolers.<br><br>
I want to start Before Five in a Row pretty soon. I know DD will love it. We tried letter of the week but it just didn't work for us. DD's already learned most of her letter names just by playing with magnets, reading alphabet books, asking questions when she sees words, etc. She also recognizes numbers 1-10 and I have NO idea how that happened. We do a ton of crafts, watch signing time some, play outside a lot, play Starfall, play Sesame Street games online, etc. Somehow she has even learned about patterns, can make up her own patterns, and can recognize patterns when we're out and about. Wow! It just reinforces how much these tiny little minds can soak up without any formal instruction.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
139 Posts
I love this site: <a href="http://www.literacycenter.net/" target="_blank">http://www.literacycenter.net/</a> There are numbers, shapes, colors and letters. I like it for the English and French.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,441 Posts
For math games- <a href="http://www.rainforestmaths.com" target="_blank">www.rainforestmaths.com</a> is cute, but your child might need a parent close by to help with the directions and such as it doesn't read it all out loud like starfall does- my dd like the level A stuff and can do a lot of it independently.
 
1 - 20 of 74 Posts
Top