Posts by *Amy*
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2,651 Posts
LOL, Stell!
OK y'all, I need some feedback here. DH and I will be going to visit his father, step-mother, and two young sisters (age 5 and 7) for the holiday weekend. DH has already told me that he knows his dad is very much against co-sleeping, and has made negative remarks about DH's aunt/uncle & cousins who co-slept. I am relatively sure this issue will come up this weekend, and I rather rabid about defending myself and my well-educated parenting decisions. I think it will also be much more of a hot topic considering that FIL has the two young girls himself.
Honestly, I lack tact when it comes to these types of things. My stance is, this is our child and we'll raise him/her the way we feel is best. You raise your kids the way you want. Period.
Being a first-time Mama, though, I know they (parents-in-law, grandparents) will all want to offer their 2 cents (even strangers are giving such golden nuggets of advice such as "don't pick up the baby whenever it cries" because they see me reading a pregnancy book in the waiting room of my DH's doctor's office, for f**k's sake), and I am trying to figure out how to be gracious, yet confidently be able to assert our beliefs. Well, I guess I should say one thing in our favor will be that the co-sleeping aunt in question will be there as well so I'm hoping that I won't feel quite so attacked.
I guess I just get easily offended by people not thinking I know what I'm doing, when the fact is that I have put A LOT of thought, energy, and love into the decisions that DH and I have made so far. Also, to be honest, I kind of have the personality type where I get annoyed when people try to tell me how to do something that I feel perfectly confident about myself.
Oh, and one minor fact of note...DH is 3 1/2 years younger, and his parents had him when they were young, which means that his parents are more like older brother/sister age to me than mother/father age, so I have a VERY hard time accepting their attempts to "parent" me. Oh, and I'm pregnant, so I'm irritable and easily offended.
I'm sure that some of y'all have had to handle this type of thing before. What is the best approach to take?
OK y'all, I need some feedback here. DH and I will be going to visit his father, step-mother, and two young sisters (age 5 and 7) for the holiday weekend. DH has already told me that he knows his dad is very much against co-sleeping, and has made negative remarks about DH's aunt/uncle & cousins who co-slept. I am relatively sure this issue will come up this weekend, and I rather rabid about defending myself and my well-educated parenting decisions. I think it will also be much more of a hot topic considering that FIL has the two young girls himself.
Honestly, I lack tact when it comes to these types of things. My stance is, this is our child and we'll raise him/her the way we feel is best. You raise your kids the way you want. Period.
Being a first-time Mama, though, I know they (parents-in-law, grandparents) will all want to offer their 2 cents (even strangers are giving such golden nuggets of advice such as "don't pick up the baby whenever it cries" because they see me reading a pregnancy book in the waiting room of my DH's doctor's office, for f**k's sake), and I am trying to figure out how to be gracious, yet confidently be able to assert our beliefs. Well, I guess I should say one thing in our favor will be that the co-sleeping aunt in question will be there as well so I'm hoping that I won't feel quite so attacked.
I guess I just get easily offended by people not thinking I know what I'm doing, when the fact is that I have put A LOT of thought, energy, and love into the decisions that DH and I have made so far. Also, to be honest, I kind of have the personality type where I get annoyed when people try to tell me how to do something that I feel perfectly confident about myself.
Oh, and one minor fact of note...DH is 3 1/2 years younger, and his parents had him when they were young, which means that his parents are more like older brother/sister age to me than mother/father age, so I have a VERY hard time accepting their attempts to "parent" me. Oh, and I'm pregnant, so I'm irritable and easily offended.
I'm sure that some of y'all have had to handle this type of thing before. What is the best approach to take?
Joined
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2,651 Posts
Good morning all!
First, HOORAY to everyone who saw/heard heartbeats!
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I'm so happy for y'all! I can't wait til I get to that point in my own pregnancy. I have my first appointment tomorrow, but it is with the nurse just to gather my medical history so I don't think I will be able to hear anything. I may try to convince them to use the doppler, so keep your fingers crossed for me!
Thanks to everyone for your wise words regarding the nay-sayers and buttinksis! I think the "we'll do what's best for the family" is the best approach, with a few "I see your point"s added for good measure. This is only the second time I will have interacted with the in-laws, so perhaps it's a bit too early in the marriage and pregnancy to begin alienating them! LOL
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I have been in the best mood the past couple of days,and it feels *really* good. DH and I went to see that documentary Supersize Me last night (excellent, by the way), and we were walking around the little town where the indie theater is afterwards, joking around like we usually do (before nausea and moodiness) and he said, "you sure are in a good mood tonight," and I said, "it won't last." But I woke up this morning again feeling really good, so I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts. My nausea has been minimal the past two days, too, and I even got a day's respite from the never-ending breast pain...so it's been a good 36 hours for me so far. I hope it continues at least through the day because I have to go back to the old apartment one final time to clean and get the rest of my clothes. Not looking forward to that, but at least it'll be OVER today.
On that note, I'd better get my butt up and moving.
Have a great day everyone!
First, HOORAY to everyone who saw/heard heartbeats!
Thanks to everyone for your wise words regarding the nay-sayers and buttinksis! I think the "we'll do what's best for the family" is the best approach, with a few "I see your point"s added for good measure. This is only the second time I will have interacted with the in-laws, so perhaps it's a bit too early in the marriage and pregnancy to begin alienating them! LOL
I have been in the best mood the past couple of days,and it feels *really* good. DH and I went to see that documentary Supersize Me last night (excellent, by the way), and we were walking around the little town where the indie theater is afterwards, joking around like we usually do (before nausea and moodiness) and he said, "you sure are in a good mood tonight," and I said, "it won't last." But I woke up this morning again feeling really good, so I'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts. My nausea has been minimal the past two days, too, and I even got a day's respite from the never-ending breast pain...so it's been a good 36 hours for me so far. I hope it continues at least through the day because I have to go back to the old apartment one final time to clean and get the rest of my clothes. Not looking forward to that, but at least it'll be OVER today.
On that note, I'd better get my butt up and moving.
Have a great day everyone!
Joined
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2,651 Posts
Hey ladies! I'm so happy to hear that all of you are getting positive u/s and beta results back. Yay!! I actually had a really great prenatal clinic visit this morning...
I went in for my first nurse visit to give my medical history and let them tell me to stop smoking crack and to take folic acid. I had previously scheduled an appointment with an OB because the two new midwives on staff had not yet started taking appointments. My nurse visit went MUCH better than I had been expecting; she was very nice, and I definitely got the feeling that the staff/hospital is very natural-birth oriented, pro-breastfeeding, etc. That really put me at ease. I asked her if the birthing center has laboring pools or has done water birth, but she said, "no...we don't have a pool, but I know that you can rent them and have one brought in. You should mention it to your midwife; they would *love* to do a water birth here."
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I explained that I only had an appointment with an OB, and she said to go back to the receptionist and see if I could make an additional appointment to meet one of the midwives. I did, and she said, "sure, I'll page one of them" and I did in fact get to meet with one (without an appointment!) right after my nurses visit!
Y'all, she was so cool! I told her about my concerns with delivering the baby in a military hospital (DH is in the Navy, but we're stationed at an air force base, which is much more human than a Navy base). Anyway, she's a civilian, and she said it was odd for her to be working in an environment where everyone calls her ma'am.
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We talked for almost 30 minutes and I shared with her my feelings about breastfeeding, intervention, inducing labor, c-sections, monitoring, etc., and she was on-board with everything I said, and she seemed just as excited to have me as a patient as I am to have her as a midwife! We also talked about the water birth option, and she said that she has worked at another local hospital where they do about 5 water births per week, and she is all in favor of them. She said we may have to persuade some majors or captains or something, but that we have 8 months to do it, and that all progress is consumer-driven, so I need to be vocal about my desires (which is not a problem for me). I felt totally confident that she would push as hard as possible for me and for what DH and I want. It was great.
I left feeling about 200% better than when I walked in. I just had no idea of what kind of care I'd be getting since my choice of doctors was so limited, but I feel completely comfortable with Joanne, and now I am feeling *excited* about the whole pregnancy and birth process.
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Oh, and when she said, "this is your first child? How do you know so much about the details?" I got to say, "have you heard of Mothering magazine?" She said, "of course, I love that magazine!" So we felt like co-conspirators against the big medical monolith of the US. She also gave me *her* reading list, which included several books I already have, such as WAB, a couple of Dr. Sears books, etc. and she said, "I hope you're not reading WTEWYE." I got to tell her no, I had it, but I traded it in for something else. (Thanks to Stell and the other ladies over on the what are you reading thread!)
So I'm just really happy, relieved, and excited. I can't wait until my first appointment with Joanne on the 27th so that DH can meet her, and we get to hear the heartbeat!
Sorry this is so long, but I just had to share all of the good vibes with everyone.
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I went in for my first nurse visit to give my medical history and let them tell me to stop smoking crack and to take folic acid. I had previously scheduled an appointment with an OB because the two new midwives on staff had not yet started taking appointments. My nurse visit went MUCH better than I had been expecting; she was very nice, and I definitely got the feeling that the staff/hospital is very natural-birth oriented, pro-breastfeeding, etc. That really put me at ease. I asked her if the birthing center has laboring pools or has done water birth, but she said, "no...we don't have a pool, but I know that you can rent them and have one brought in. You should mention it to your midwife; they would *love* to do a water birth here."
Y'all, she was so cool! I told her about my concerns with delivering the baby in a military hospital (DH is in the Navy, but we're stationed at an air force base, which is much more human than a Navy base). Anyway, she's a civilian, and she said it was odd for her to be working in an environment where everyone calls her ma'am.
I left feeling about 200% better than when I walked in. I just had no idea of what kind of care I'd be getting since my choice of doctors was so limited, but I feel completely comfortable with Joanne, and now I am feeling *excited* about the whole pregnancy and birth process.
Oh, and when she said, "this is your first child? How do you know so much about the details?" I got to say, "have you heard of Mothering magazine?" She said, "of course, I love that magazine!" So we felt like co-conspirators against the big medical monolith of the US. She also gave me *her* reading list, which included several books I already have, such as WAB, a couple of Dr. Sears books, etc. and she said, "I hope you're not reading WTEWYE." I got to tell her no, I had it, but I traded it in for something else. (Thanks to Stell and the other ladies over on the what are you reading thread!)
So I'm just really happy, relieved, and excited. I can't wait until my first appointment with Joanne on the 27th so that DH can meet her, and we get to hear the heartbeat!
Sorry this is so long, but I just had to share all of the good vibes with everyone.
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