June 6th will be one year since I lost her

563 Views 7 Replies 7 Participants Last post by KatherineinCA, Jun 7, 2005

CookieMonsterMommy

Discussion Starter · Jun 2, 2005

I'm supposed to be going to class that day, but, um, yeah right. I already explained to the teachers that I'll not be attending. I've told exDP to basically leave me alone, don't call my cell, I'll be out all day attending to personal business (didn't tell him what it's all about...if he can't remember the date on his own or at least try to understand what this means to me then I refuse to open myself up to him just to be let down yet again

)

Any suggestions as to what I should do? I want to honor her that day.

I already plan on going to the beach, where she is burried and just kinda hanging out there.... maybe write something. The hospital where my son was born--the one where I went when I *thought* I was MCing her twice, (about 7 and 4 days before I actually did) has a memorial garden that I'm going to visit and hang out at for a bit.....Probably do a lot of crying....

But besides that, any ideas? I've been feeling pretty crappy (emotionally) and am currently experiencing a VERY painful, hormonally charged (read: tender, bigger boobs, bloating, *huge* mood swings) period, which was actually 2 weeks early...I have no doubt that this is being caused by my mental state and recent fixation on the anniversary of my MC....What did you all do, if anything?

TIA,
Kelly

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diamond lil

· #2 · Jun 3, 2005

I'm so sorry for your incredible loss. It is wise to set aside that day to remember her.

Perhaps plant a flowering tree or bush in her honor that will grow and provide you and future generations with beauty and shade?

Peace and love to you

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Icequeen_in_ak

· #3 · Jun 3, 2005

I also like the idea of planting something beautiful, at your home so that you can be reminded of her beauty every day.

One thing I have learned recently though.... is to perhaps plant in something you can take with you. I just recently moved from the home I lived in through all of my losses and now I don't have those plants anymore, and it's caused a much higher level of pain in this move. I would have felt so much better being able to take those memories with me.

I'm very sorry for your pain approaching your anniversary ((hugs)) I wish I could say it gets easier with time, but that just hasn't happened to me either.

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CookieMonsterMommy

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jun 5, 2005

Grace--That is a beautiful suggestion. Unfortunately, I live in an apartment right now and we're not allowed to plant. But I really will keep this in mind when I end up buying a house (I had planned on buying my future kid's placentas under a fruit bearing tree....but I think a flowering tree would be perfect for EG...I never considered doing that). Thank you very much. PS-My daughter's middle name is Grace.

Ice--Thank you for your suggestions. When the time comes, I'll definately look into which types of plants/trees transport well. Thank you, also, for the honesty. I was told it would fade in time, but have come to discover that yes, it does fade....then return...then fade....then return 10x harder.....then fade...etc....

Thank you both for the support and suggestions.

I've called the therapist that I see with my exDP(couples counseling kind of thing) and I'm asking if she'll see me alone on Monday (she does individual therapy too).

Kelly

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behr

· #5 · Jun 6, 2005

CMM, I want to send you my good thoughts, especially since our m/c's occurred so close together. My dh, although he's a nice guy, most likely won't remember either. Actually, he made fun of me expressing my still lingering longing for another baby during lunch. But, so be it.
It's my sweet secret that I want to share with nobody who doesn't care anyways.
I will make another float, like the one I made last year when this was all so fresh, and I will let it go on the lake again. It's beautiful to watch the light fade slowly, slowly after walking alongside for a while.

We've survived the 'year after', thought to be so critical. I can say for myself that I've been through one very tough 12 months, probably the darkest of my life so far. But I have grown from the experience. I also now have a little soul travelling alongside. And he has become a light in my heart.

I wish you the best for your day, sending you strenght.

Beate

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