[Nora'sMama]

So a friend of mine, who lives across the country, just had her second baby a few days ago. The birth was unmedicated and went very fast. BUT she was in a hospital, she labored and pushed on her back, and they "had" to cut a big episiotomy and use the vacuum extractor to get her ds out.

Now, he was healthy, she's not unhappy about the experience, and it's clear that she thinks these interventions "had" to happen. But I'm always so skeptical, and I just hate to think about how many women have basically perfect labors and bodies that seem made to birth almost effortlessly and they still end up with episiotomies and the vacuum extractor. I just find it hard to believe that with a homebirth midwife and different positioning, either of those rather violent interventions would have been necessary.

Anyway, my friend would be insulted that I feel this way, because she seems to have been happy with her birth experience. But she doesn't read this site, so I guess there's no harm done, and I thought people might understand at MDC.

 

[ColoradoMama]

Yea, I understand. It's frustrating. One of my oldest friends is due with #5 just two days before I'm due with #4. We've had such different pgs though and will have such different births. She will be induced on the 14th if she doesn't have the baby before then (she's due the 19th). One reason is because the baby is big (they think 7 pounds now). My mw thought my Little Bean was 7 lbs three weeks ago. I'm worried that she'll end up with an total intervention birth. But, she's perfectly fine with the way things are progressing, so it's not my place to butt in.

 

[CryPixie83]

Yep, I understad too

It's hard to stand by and not say anything, especially when their ignorance is their bliss.

 

[illinoismommy]

With a big episiotomy if she knew the difference between recoveries had they NOT done that.... she'd feel different. I know once I figured out that my 4th degree tear was not "average" I was not a very happy camper. I was angry that no one told me not to push while laying on my back. I didn't know much back then (don't know enough now either, working on that) but its really frustrating looking back at the pain I went through.

 

[moonmama22]

I sympathize - I actually had an episiotomy and vaccum extraction birth myself, and suffer physically from it now 2 years later. I try to encourage everyone I know to really avoid all those interventions when possible, but it's hard to do that and not sound self-righteous or nagging... There's nothing wrong with educating people as to their options, but I feel for you - so many people I know just go with whatever their doctor says without questioning it. (In my defense, one of the doctor's who examined me in labor suggested a c-section, which I fought against. In hindsight, it might have been the easier way out, with less after-effects, but, in the future I will always try for an unmedicated, intervention-free birth.)

 

[Nora'sMama]

The thing is that when we were both pregnant with #1, I gave her a lot of info about the things I was learning about unnecessary interventions in childbirth, and I think that's why she went for NCB (with #1 she had a little Stadol but no epidural, and with #2 she had nothing but local anesthetic for the episiotomy). I know she has to have read the stuff about lithotomy position being bad, etc. but I think that she just probably a) didn't really buy it and b) is not a 'birth junkie' type of person and really not that interested in the "details".

And for all I know the epis. and vacuum extractor were necessary, but that's pretty rare, right? Her baby was fairly large (8lbs/10oz) but I know it's not really the size that's important but the positioning of the baby AND the laboring mother...right?

Anyway, I feel bad for her having to recover from a big episiotomy. She is the superwoman type and will probably NOT rest as she needs...she has a toddler, a workaholic husband, needy relatives AND she worked (from home) up until the day she went into labor!! She makes me

: !!

The whole idea of episiotomy just icks me out completely...I wish there was some way she could have avoided that. I'd wayyyy rather tear than be cut...I'd chose tearing even if tears *didn't* heal better. It makes me shiver just to think of someone cutting into perineal tissue.

Thanks for understanding how I feel...

ETA moonmama, I'm sorry your recovery has been so long and difficult.

 

[arlecchina]

I am always skeptical as well. but if she was pleased with it, what can you do.

 

[Galatea]

My dh's cousin is pg with her 5th child and with each child she has had a big episiotomy, and in her words, her vagina looks like the Holland Tunnel afterward. And she thinks that is normal. I've looked at myself after both births, and aside from swelling, there is no gaping tunnel. But she thinks that is normal. So sad.

 

[555Baby]

To give another perspective, though, what would be the point (given that it has already happened) of making her feel crappier about her birth? To me, it's great that she feels good about what happened. Look around MDC for all the moms (like me) who had interventions and spent months or years beating themselves up wondering if there was something they should have done differently, etc. It's a complete waste of energy that could go toward taking care of the little one instead.

 

[Nora'sMama]

555Baby, you've misunderstood, I have no intention of speaking to my friend about this, none whatsoever! That would be cruel and pointless.

I just wanted to vent about MY feelings here at MDC where I knew someone would understand what I meant.

 

[erikandgregsmom]

and what's worse is that episiotomies and other interventions are not only accepted but EXPECTED by most women in this country's birth culture. A friend of mine who had a VBAC was very distressed with that birth...felt her recovery was worse than with her C/S. Another friend said, "well, that's because you didn't know how to take care of yourself after your episiotomy! Next time just know that you have to take sitz baths, have a "donut" to sit in, etc...." She herself just assumed she needed to be cut for all her own births....which were, as she describes them, "natural with an epidural"!!! But as some of you have already said, she is happy with all her births, so I don't know.....

A midwife friend of mine quotes a midwife friend of hers who says "if you buy the hospital ticket, you're going to go on the hospital ride". And don't most women, in fact, "buy the hospital ticket"? I know I did! And particularly with my first birth, it didn't even occur to me to "educate" myself! First of all, I didn't know I needed to be educated; secondly, I assumed, that 1) my body would get the baby out on its own, no problems, and 2) the doctor would have my baby's and my best interests in mind. HA!!! I ended up with a stuck posterior baby and a C/S. (Attempted a VBAC with #2, but not successful, a story for another place.) My point is (sorry, I get off track, getting old!!!), is that most women will go with an OB/hospital because they assumed as I did that everything will just happen as they want it to. When I try to gently encourage expectant moms to read about different options for birth, most look at me like I'm cracked and tell me how they have a great (usually, male) OB and they're sure everything will be fine. Sometimes it is, sometimes....well, you all know the stories.

We women can get what we demand......but first we have to know that we can and should demand better for our births. I was born during the "twilight sleep" era, so I guess some progress has been made, you don't hear much about that anymore.

I hope for better for , God willing, my future daughters-in-law...

Thanks for reading this LECTURE!!!! Sorry so long...

 

[CryPixie83]

Quote:

"if you buy the hospital ticket, you're going to go on the hospital ride".

That's such an appropriate way to say it... sadly...

 

[erikandgregsmom]

is Valerie El Halta, who recently retired I believe.

It IS sad....and so true, in most cases.

"Google" Nancy Wainer Cohen, and go to her article on "The Power of Giving Birth" to read more....