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I was tucking DD in and after our normal bedtime routine, bath, brushing, books and snuggles. I asked her if i could have a kiss. Ya know, totally normal going to bed stuff. DD is like "i kiss you like daddy and ____ do"<br><br>
She proceeds to climb on top of me, tilt my head, stick her tongue in my mouth, while "moaning"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"> :cus s<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/banghead.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="banghead"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/Cuss.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="cuss"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/censored.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="censored"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hopmad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hopping mad"><br><br><br>
Words cannot even desribe how totally furious i am. WHO DOES THAT INFRONT OF THEIR KID?!?!?!! Ex maintains that they're "just friends". She left for a few months and ex stopped the relationship but she popped back up again. Nice to know she brought her lovely uhmm.. behavior back with her.<br><br>
I emailed him, i'm sure he'll ignore it because you know, my sole purpose in life is to follow him around and nitpick his parenting<br><br>
Ugh!!! I'm just... uuggh... i don't even know. I just cannot believe this. DD is 4!!!! 4 YEARS OLLLDD!!!!! UGH!!!!
 

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OH. MY. GOD.<br><br>
What can you even do about a thing like that?<br><br>
And, if nothing else, your ex has ensured that your daughter will think he's disgusting starting in about 4 years and lasting, er, forever.<br><br>
Oh my God.
 

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Oh my. Wow.<br><br>
I'm speechless.
 

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that is horrible!
 

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oooooh man that is terrible. i can understand deep kissing but not the rest. yukh!!! disgusting.<br><br>
on another note my dd watched spiderman and decided to tongue open mouth kiss me because MJ kisses spiderman like that. "sigh" we quickly had to rectify that situation.
 

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MissSavannahsMommy I am so sorry your daughter is subjected to your x's sexuality in that way. It's so hard to give up control in this way, and to just be a witness to things we feel are harmful. Hang in there. I am so glad she has a mama who can offer a counterbalance of appropriate behavior. Lucky girl.
 

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Uh, gross.<br><br>
Nasty.<br><br>
Completely inappropriate.<br><br>
I hope your email rings his bell.<br><br>
God, what a UA Violation (WatermelonSnow walks away, shaking her head...)
 

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OMG HUGS MAMA!!!!!<br>
REALLY! REALLY! NICE ROLE MODEL FOR YOUR DAUGHTER! Your ex should be totally ashamed of his and gf’s behavior. Having your daughter exposed to that sort of casual sex so young will teach her that causal sex is ok. I know it was only kissing but it was clearly not just a peck on the cheek KWIM. I highly doubt that this gf has staying power so how many times will your dc be exposes to this sort of thing and with how many different women.
 

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Just wanted to offer a bit of an opposing viewpoint...(and this is predicated a bit on what meemee said, more on the deep kissing and less on the climbing on/moaning...it could also be they were "caught" so to speak which happens even for kids with "intact" families).<br><br>
Kids are exposed to sexuality from all sorts of angles...and I think it's sort of a shame if parents are afraid to be affection in front of their children. It's normal for kids to wonder, but there are ways to handle it...to express what kinds of behavior are appropriate, or with whom. As a pp mentioned, watching spiderman can give kids the same images... This may be off base, but I know that there was some history between you and your ex and his girlfriend that might make it harder to hear about it in your case, MissSavannahsMommy.<br><br>
DH and I do kiss in front of the girls, yes, even tongue kissing. Not ever in a display type way, but because that's a natural part of our affection. The girls noticed and asked about it, they call them 'Dh's name' kisses, and it gave us a good opportunity to talk about developmental stages. I'm pretty open about things like that, though, so someone who is less comfortable talking about sex might have more problem with it. Was I a little challenged when my kids noticed? Yes, in some ways, but it was a moment of growth for us. We also have a lot of nudity around the house, the kids mostly, but occasionally DH or I in the mornings/evenings (FWIW, it took him a while to get comfortable with that, but there's nothing odd or wrong that the children see in it...it's just what's acceptable in our house, and we've talked about how you can't be nude outside, or at other's people's houses, etc.)<br><br>
I grew up in a VERY prudish household...and it was not really very good. It meant that the ONLY discussion/exposure I had to sexuality was from peers or, mostly, the media. YIKES! Talk about distortions! So I'm just offering up the view that, while it may be weird or awkward, I wouldn't look upon your daughters actions as abnormal, nor, in many ways, your ex's. Try to think of it as a teachable moment, not letting your own revulsion at your thought of ex and his girlfriend together get in the way of what might just be normal curiosity about sexuality.
 

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I agree that affection between adults is 100% healthy and normal for children to see but I wouldn’t like it to be displayed from the flavour of the week. Now after saying that maybe this girl isn’t just a flavour of the week but then again I couldn’t help but think that if he’s denying a relationship between them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Jster</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7947451"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just wanted to offer a bit of an opposing viewpoint...(and this is predicated a bit on what meemee said, more on the deep kissing and less on the climbing on/moaning...it could also be they were "caught" so to speak which happens even for kids with "intact" families).</div>
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That's what I was thinking.<br><br>
Any chance they were behind closed doors and your DD came in unexpectedly? It's not unheard of for adults to try and grab a quickie during a kid's nap, and kiddo wakes up early.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
Well he responded. My complaint isn't valid b/c nothing happened. He claims he's never kissed her ever around DD. He's maintaining that I'm just making this up b/c i want to be with him.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I'm just done. I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I've reached the end of my rope and I've just given up. Thank you so much for all the responses.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"> I'm so sorry to hear all the frustration in your post, I hope that once school lets out and some stress goes down, things get better. Amazingly enough short ropes can often grow...but it feels horrible to be there, I'm sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
And, you didn't imagine things, your dd was responding to SOMETHING, it just may not have come from him, or heck, maybe he didn't even know she saw something, or who knows. But don't feel crazy...you aren't.
 

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Jster, I'd offer a different view. I think it's possible (and, to my way of thinking, appropriate) to choose a moderate path.<br><br>
I was lucky enough to grow up with a very healthy sense of physical affection and never had big sexuality crises. My parents and grandparents were physically affectionate, lots of hugging, smooching, hair-caressing, even that after-the-dance kind of holding each other. They were not by any means prudish. But they were not overtly sexual in front of kids, and I think they'd have been shocked by the idea. To them it wasn't shameful, but it was something for an adult world, not children's world. They'd have just as soon given a kid a martini. I never walked in on my parents having sex or groping away. My mother explained the facts of life to me when I was nine, was grateful when I thought it was gross, and they left me to teen experimentation and raiding the sex-book libraries of people I babysat for. Of course, culturally, shame and secrecy about sexuality doesn't feature much in Judaism, so it's not as if I grew up with negative sentiments about sexuality (except that all those Alex Comfort guys were, ew, so hairy).
 

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I think there are a lot of good and interesting perspectives in this thread.<br><br>
I just want to add that under the circumstances, it seems like the best you can do is to just keep communicating with your daughter. It sounds like she feels safe being open with you. Continue allowing her to talk. Be glad that she is expressing whatever is going through her head to you and try to be open and receptive without pushing too much. This way, hopefully your DD will have a solid place to process any confusing things, you will have to opportunity to explain them in the ways you want her to understand, and you will be able to stay in tune with what she might be being exposed to. If there seems to be a lot more of this... you may have to consider some kind of action. But maybe, even if your X won't admit this to you, your email will have made him think and he will be more careful. Let's hope so!<br><br>
And if his ego needs to think that this is all because you are still hung up on him, well, let him think that. Whatever. He apparently needs his pride and ego, you need to take care of your daughter.<br><br>
Hang in there. You're doing great. I'm sorry it's so hard. I don't know why they have to make things so much more difficult than they already are.
 

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Just wanted to offer a bit of an opposing viewpoint...(and this is predicated a bit on what meemee said, more on the deep kissing and less on the climbing on/moaning...it could also be they were "caught" so to speak which happens even for kids with "intact" families).<br><br>
I would kind of wonder about that too, if they'd just been "caught" (although if he's already lying about the relationship anyways...)<br><br>
It would probably be worth it to discuss it with him though. It doesn't have to be an attack on him (as mad as you are with his irresponsible behaviour) because he should know what kind of impression he has made on his daughter, and I'm sure he wouldn't want to encourage that behaviour or lead his daughter to believe that that is an appropriate way to kiss just anyone, and in what circumstances. At least, you'd hope that as a parent he'd be opposed to that. I'd be so embarrassed if I'd inadvertantly "taught" my son something so disgusting.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MissSavannahsMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7948797"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well he responded. My complaint isn't valid b/c nothing happened. He claims he's never kissed her ever around DD. He's maintaining that I'm just making this up b/c i want to be with him.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I'm just done. I'm tired. I can't do this anymore. I've reached the end of my rope and I've just given up. Thank you so much for all the responses.</div>
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Sorry, I take my last post back. What an ass. He should care more about what he's teaching his daughter than what he thinks you think or feel about him.
 
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