You may get past this... but how, exactly, if he doesn't change? It's messed up that on top of doing this when you don't feel like it (which I have really strong opinions about in the first place), you need to initiate it and do all the "work" as well? This isn't just about sex, it's about a really unhealthy dynamic.
I get that it's the closest you get to an emotional connection. But since it really isn't giving you that either, I simply would not do it. Because as long as you do, he has no reason to acknowledge or meet your needs. He sounds very selfish. Sometimes you need to put your foot down and make choices.