[katytheprincess2]

Just a little background because I haven't really posted on this board much. Last August my estranged husband took a gun in our garage and threatened suicide. The police were called and he then had a 2 hour stand off with them. I filled and got a restraining order. In December, after he had been on meds/in therapy for months, I filled and got the restraining order dropped. He had a history of being abusive to me and the children but seemed to being doing better. Well about a month ago his mental status started going down hill. On Sunday he was really having problems. He got upset that the kids wouldn't stay in bed. He grabbed my 6 year old and smacked him on the back of the leg leaving a bruise and then when my 8 year old raised his voice to my DH he drug him in the bathroom and held him by the neck attempting to shove a bottle of hand soap in his mouth. Leaving marks on my sons neck and arms. I kicked him out and took out a emergency protective order.
So now he is ordered to stay atleast 1000 feet away from me and the kids. This means that he can't even visit the kids. He is living with his mother so they can't go up there to see them either. This is so hard to explain to my 2 younger DS's.
I feel overwhelmed at times. I have a very high needs 8 week old, a very hyper 3 year old and an autistic 6 year old. I feel as if all day long I am pulled in 4 different directions. I will be feeding my DD and my boys need something and everything is up to me to take care of. I feel bad when I have to tell them to wait for something until I am done feeding or taking care of DD and worry that they aren't getting enough attention.I am just feeling so stressed. I have no job. He left here sunday and I had $12 in my wallet. No bank account and no way to get money. I am just so scared. Please tell me this gets easier.

 

[MsChatsAlot]

I would contact your local DV shelter and get some help and resources for them.

It is hard for the kids to have to wait for something....but not nearly as hard as it is for them to be abused and mistreated. I'd look into some counseling for them as well (which I'm sure you can get information about at the DV shelter).

You are brave and courageous to get the order to keep everyone safe.

It is difficult right now, but the steps you have taken already are the most difficult. Everything else starts to settle in with time and gets easier.

 

[mamamoo]

:

I am so sorry you are going through this. The DV shelter can help you get the things you need like tanf and food stamps to get you through, til you figure out what you are going to do.

 

[pranamama]

Sorry you have all this happening. Call the dv hotline and also keep as much protection from the courts as you can. I wouldn't voluntarily drop or reverse any of it. Let your ex do the work to fix his problems (if he ever does)

I think you can call 211 for community resources, get on all the lists and figure out what sort of future life will work for you. Maybe call a community college and ask about displaced homemakers or women's programs offered. A lot of these are free.

At some point you'll probably want a divorce attorney.

Maybe find the food bank first.

just wanting to add that in my situation things were very difficult but got better!!

 

[katytheprincess2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot I would contact your local DV shelter and get some help and resources for them. It is hard for the kids to have to wait for something....but not nearly as hard as it is for them to be abused and mistreated. I'd look into some counseling for them as well (which I'm sure you can get information about at the DV shelter). You are brave and courageous to get the order to keep everyone safe. It is difficult right now, but the steps you have taken already are the most difficult. Everything else starts to settle in with time and gets easier.

I have been working with the local DV shelter since last summer when I lived there when everything else happened. I applied for food stamps and should have them in 2 or 3 weeks. My boys have been in therapy since last summer as well so I feel like I have a head start on most of that stuff..I think it will just be rough for the next couple weeks and then hopefully things will start to calm down. Thanks for the support and hugs to you mama!

 

[katytheprincess2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by pranamama Sorry you have all this happening. Call the dv hotline and also keep as much protection from the courts as you can. I wouldn't voluntarily drop or reverse any of it. Let your ex do the work to fix his problems (if he ever does) I think you can call 211 for community resources, get on all the lists and figure out what sort of future life will work for you. Maybe call a community college and ask about displaced homemakers or women's programs offered. A lot of these are free. At some point you'll probably want a divorce attorney. Maybe find the food bank first. just wanting to add that in my situation things were very difficult but got better!!

Thanks so much for you encouragement! I got the food bank list from the food stamp office last week and one was open yesturday afternoon so I went up there and got the box a week that they give out. I had some food in the kitchen when DH left also. I am gonna try to call around and see if there are any programs for homemakers who find themselves in this situation. Hopefully too in the next month or so I will have the money from the student loan I applied for.

 

[CherylE]

you'll find your way somehow - it is so, so stresful with multiple small children. I have five kids ages 3-7 years old and a stbx who has been violent, is mentally ill and has been suicidal. He also travels for work and even when here - doesn't have the kids unsupervised - so I don't get that break either. I'll say from a few months farther down the road - it does get easier. I'm in a better place now than I was - but things are still very hard and stressful. I think that goes along with the situation - I finally have court ordered child support and for now he is paying it and that is helping, as is that I"m working and have child care subsidy. It's so stressful when you haven't figured out what things will look like - but it will settle out some, you'll figure it out (I'm in Canada - so don't know what resources are available there) but lots of strength to you because I know it's hard.

 

[rainbowmoon]

 

[katytheprincess2]

I want to thank everyone for the hugs and advice..I really feel as if I am starting to make my way to some sort of stabilty and really just taking it one day at a time!