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So I just got 3 positive pregnancy tests. Im going to be a mom. Im shocked. Im scared. Im sad. I have always dreamed of this day being a day of excitement and joy that I would be able to share with the one I love. But I have no one. Im 21, in college working on getting into nursing school. I have no man and no job.
About a month ago I went to LA with my roomate and her cousin. We went drinking and came home. I was drunk and went to lay down but her cousin started coming on to me. I would call it a form of rape. I was half passed out for most of it and I pushed him away. I don't like being the victim. I feel like I could have removed My self from the situation. I think back on what I "should" have done every second. I didnt consent. But I didnt fight enough to make him stop either. I know I was angry in the morning. I hate him. I'm mad at him for doing this to me. But now I have another life to think about.
Abortion is not an option.
So I have some questions for single moms out there.
Should I tell the dad? Should I bring him into this? Most of me wants to never see his face again. I know that he wouldn't be a good influence on my child. But part of me thinks about his financial support.
How should I support myself and my child? How can I have a kid on my own and still go to school and work? Is it possible? Do any of you have stories or advice?
And what about adoption? This makes me cringe honestly. But I want the best for my kid. I want it to have the best life possible. But I would always have this guilt for giving up my kid when I could have worked hard to love and raise it. I know I can love this child well. It would be so hard to let it go. Im leaning on the side of keeping it. I guess I'm just asking for justification in that really.
Any advice is appreciated guys. Thanks!
 

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How far away do you live from him? Does anyone know what happened?

Because it was non consensual, I wouldnt tell him if you can avoid it. Even if it were consensual, after a one night stand a lot of people won't tell the other person. Sometimes they really don't know how to get in touch, or they just don't want to share parenting with a stranger.

If you tell him, you may have to deal with him for the rest of your life. Give your little baby over to him for overnights. Give up holidays and birthdays with your child. See him at your kid's school plays and sports games. Have to fight with him over every school and medical decision. You could end up restricted, forced to live in the same city until your son is 18 (I'm not exaggerating, this I actually VERY common). He could even fight to get full custody of the baby over you.

And the financial support? You'd be disgusted at the lengths some parents will go to to avoid having to pay child support.

This is a man who can't get his shit together well enough to make sure the person he's getting to bed with actually WANTS him there. That's not the kind of person your child deserves as a father.
 
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I'll second that. Don't tell him. One of the hardest things about single parenting is the other parent. Child support, or the hopes and order of support I should say, isn't worth what that person can put you through. You should never have to see a rapist again, let alone share parenting with him. If it's in your heart to raise this being you will find a way.
 

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I think only you can live with these answers, so only you can answer them. It's honestly a deplorable situation you went through. I third the idea that he doesn't deserve the right to know the truth. Plus he may affect your and your child's happiness, welfare, wellbeing, etc.

Is there anyone else you can ask who is more supportive who could help you? A sister? Cousin? Mom? Good friend? Old friend? Neighbor? Church community? Etc

Can you find a group to join so you can make some new friends?

Being a mom is probably the most demanding and difficult thing you will ever encounter. And yet, it also completes your life in ways you can't imagine. Both heart breaking and expanding. It would be so hard to do alone. But, everything is possible and tons of people do it.

I think it's good that you are looking for other stories. That will help you. You can definitely work and go to school, but not without other people. If this is indeed your intention then you need to start building up your community of people. You will need them.
 

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If you know what your heart wants, then follow it. Keep your child if you think that feels best. There is no right or wrong answer in parenthood. I think you should give some thought before baby is born about how dad fits into your child's life. How will you explain him to your child/family? What if he finds out and wants to be involved? Better to be prepared, know your rights, etc. so you can focus on all the good stuff.
 

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Knowing your rights is a big deal. Its your roomates cousin? Obviously he will know from that. You need to seek legal advice and get all ts crossed with knowledg anout his rights and yours. Usualy lawyers have free condultation. You also need to be getting prepared id suggest a midwife first so you can ask questions about preparation for the baby while in school. Im raising my two and going to be in the RN program. Its not a little thing to manage. I hope your family will be supportive(if you have family.) I needed as many peeps as i could get. Good luck.
 
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