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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
...I'm not sure how I feel about it.

My son just turned one last Sunday. I've always wanted at least one more child, but I didn't want it to be this soon.

The real conflict comes with two circumstances:

1. DH has said for awhile now that he doesn't want anymore children. Our son is a bit of a handful right now (separation anxiety and all that) and he "doesn't want to go through that again". He had always agreed before that two would be an ok number so his recent talk is very disheartening. I just always said that a decision didn't have to be made right now, but....too late for that!

2. Last month, DH kind of cheated on me. In the grand scheme of things, it was small - he kissed another woman. At least he was man enough to tell me about it; the circumstances of it pretty much ensured that I never would have found out had he not told me himself. I'm trying really hard to forgive, though I know I'll never forget. It's been weighing on me heavily the past week or so, though.

DH doesn't know yet. I had a feeling since I was expecting my period almost two weeks ago, but was hoping my cycle was just off whack with all of the stress I've had lately, since we just moved and had DS's birthday party and all. But, on a hunch, I bought a test tonight and tested after DH went to work. Sure enough, two lines, clear as day.

So how the heck do I tell DH? And what do I do if he doesn't have a good reaction, especially when I'm not sure how I feel about this myself?
 

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I'm sorry you're going through all this! It doesn't sound easy at all.
FWIW, My dd and ds are 14 months apart. It hasn't been easy, but its really not that bad either. Ds1 and ds2 will be 17 months apart according to dates (we'll see what happens.) I know when I first found out I was pregnant with ds1, dd was not even 7mo yet. Dh didn't want another baby right then. We didn't talk about the pregnancy for about 3 months. AFA telling my dh- I just blurted it out after he told me to go see the dr for my not feeling well and the pregnancy test came back positive!
: Really, now that ds is doing the same things dd did, it's easier to cope b/c I remember that she did this and we survived. Our biggest thing is sleep (ok, NOT sleeping
) and then both are rather clingy only wanting me. But we manage. One thing to remember is that with the second child, the first child becomes the chief entertainer so you don't have to worry about that so much.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for the response! I feel a little better after getting some sleep, but I'm still finding it hard to get excited. I told DH this morning when he got home from work, and like I expected, he's not thrilled, but he's also taking it a lot better than I thought he would.

I guess all we can really do is take it one day at a time. If my dates are correct, I'm about 5 weeks or so, so I've got about eight months to get excited, right? Now I'm just sitting here worrying about some things that I've done in the past few weeks, like the moving (it was just me and DH, so I did a lot of heavy lifting) and the herbs I was taking to boost my milk supply (fenugreek and the like, stuff you shouldn't take while pregnant).
:
 

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FWIW I am in the midst of a sorta-surprise pregnancy and DH and I had all sort of reservations at first. We're past that stage now but I'm still not sure how I feel about it all! Last time I didn't bond with the baby until after he was born, and he was planned. This time... I'm pretty much ignoring my pregnancy as much as I can. (Hard to ignore swelling to the size of a house but still.) I'm sure that once the baby is here he/she will be loved, and I'm equally sure it will be a very stressful adjustment period for our family. Oh well... I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. Let the idea grow on you (no pun intended) and I'm sure it'll be fine... Hey, I'm right there with you!
 

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I'm sure the excitement will come, and there's no sense worrying about things you did before you knew. Also, FWIW, my kids are spaced like yours will be and I absolutely love it. They all get along so well and play together, it's easier now with three littles than it was with one because they entertain eachother so much. I am no longer stuck on the floor 10 hours a day building block towers only to have them knocked down to start over. My four year old does that now and they *all* enjoy it.
 

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ah I am so sorry that you are in conflict over this- and I am so sorry about how your DH has treated you- that is just so upsetting and you have all rights to feel the way you do. I can see why you are unsure of how you feel because your life is kinda upside down right now.


As far as the baby- congrats!!!! I got preggo with DD#2 when DD#1 was 14 months old and I was really upset- not to be preggo- but because I felt DD#1 would not have the focus she need and she was still a *baby* But, my second was born 2 weeks before DD turned 2 and they have been the best of friends and such a blessing to have someone so close in age for DD#1 to play with.

I now say if I have one more I WILL have to have 2 more close in age again. As far as the kids go it is a blessing to have a playmate all the time.

I hope you find peace in your home life with your DH. how hurtful it has to be. I would just flat out tell him. maybe on his way out to work
 

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When we found out we were pregnant with this one we were quite surprised. This babe was not planned at all and when we found out we looked at each other like, "how in the heck are we going to do this?" because we felt/feel overwhelmed with the two we have now and have no family support around at all. Fast forward a couple of months and we are positively giddy about this new one. Its very common/normal to feel overwhelmed at first...I hope that all works out well for you!
 

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I went through similiar feelings on pregnancy #3, my DH was not excited, or happy at all, we fought throughtout the pregnancy because he really didn't want to have this baby. Oh well, too late buddy. I was heartbroken that he wasn't as excited as I was, but after our little guy arrived, dh completely changed. Looking at him now you can't tell that there any negative feelings at all. And guess what? I just found out I'm pregnant with #4!
: We're estatic and a little freaked out too. Our ds won't even be 2 before this one is born, so we've got that "how are we going to do this" feeling. I'm sure given time, you and your dh will get excited. Congratulations Momma!
 

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i just wanted to say its' so hard to know what's up ahead when your first one is so little, but believe me, things will change... sleep will come easier, clingy-ness will decrease.. they grow up!
i remember feeling super overwhelmed when my dd was that age and now she's 4 and so seeing the same things in my ds make it easier because i know things change.

good luck! your kids will be great friends and your dh will love him/or her, just the same!
 

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I just went through the same thing. I just found out I was pg with #3 and I was so scared to tell dh. He was sure that he was done having kids and we had plans laid out for me finding a job, etc...

Well, now we need new plans, a new car, baby stuff, maternity clothes. Actually dh took it better than I thought he would. I just kept pushing him to think about it and to talk to me about it because I needed to know early on that he was ok (even if he wasn't great). I have a hard time while pg, and I really need his support. Last night we finally talked about it again and he really put my mind at ease.

The point is, I would try to talk to him. Find out what he is worried about and find solutions for as much as you can. Obviously you won't be able to fix it all, but there are lots of things that will change drastically, like the clingy babe.

And fwiw, we had #2 just short of #1's 2nd birthday and, though it was hard in the beginning, it has been great overall. They are best friends, they play together, sleep together, and of course get mad together. I really wouldn't change their spacing at all. The first year or so was a challenge, but not undoable.

Good luck!
 

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I'm in the midst of a surprise pregnancy, too. AND had lots of stressful stuff happening at the same time. It's hard, isn't it?! My husband was injured in Iraq and the kids and I were living in the military hospital's guest lodging for over 2 months, to be near him... eating crappy cafeteria food, not having enough space, (whine whine, apparently found SOME space, now didn't we? LOL) I was completely overwhelmed with the two kids we already have and had just finally (after mulling it over ever since my son was born) decided that I absolutely positively did not want more kids. I was done. Dh had already felt done. Whoops.
He took it a bit hard at first, but warmed up to it a lot faster than I did. I hated myself for not feeling more positive... shouldn't a mother want her baby? Well, I will with time. I'm almost 12 weeks now and just starting to sort of maybe start to get attached. A few good friends of mine shared similar stories and they really made me feel better... it's ok to take a while to warm up. That's one reason why Mother Nature gives us 9 months.
 

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i know the feelings that come along with an un expected preganacy, i got pg again with my second when my dd was just 4 months old! it has taken me a long time to come to terms with this but now i am 36 1/2 weeks pg and am looking forward to his birth.
all i can say is hang in there and im sure everything will work its self out one way or the other.
hugs ur in my prayers and i hope all works out for the best
 

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I have been very, very hard on myself about the same thing. I'm only 7 weeks, but feel miles away from the attachment, love and excitement I had with my DD (who was also a surprise). I suppose part of it stems from my DD's absolutely dreadful sleeping habits, despite cosleeping, and having a DP who is away about 1/3 of the time. The nearest family is 3.5 hours away and everyone just stays so busy we hardly see them. My house needs alot of work (we moved into a fixer upper) and horrid morning sickness and exhaustion is just making me feel like less than a super mom. My kids will be 21-months apart. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who feels this way and it will get better!

To the OP, I'm sorry your husband did that to you. I hope he brings you lots of whatever you are craving or need
 
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