Just....help.

474 Views 7 Replies 6 Participants Last post by ktmama, Apr 4, 2006

Bex80

Discussion Starter · Apr 3, 2006

Hey ya'll.

I am so very tired. I am new to co-sleeping, never did it with my son (almost 4 years) but have slept with my daughter since she was born (4 months ago). The quality and quantity of our sleep ebbs and flows, but lately it seems to bet getting worse and worse.

We are up every hour or 2, she must have my boob in her mouth at all times, and she is squirming so badly lately!! I think she's teething and maybe even trying to practice some movement in her sleep (rolling over, pushing up on her arms, etc.).

At some point around 6 weeks, she was sleeping 6 hour stretches. I don't know what happened.

I am clueless as what to do. I tried getting her to sleep in her own room and crib for about a week, and I slept on the floor in her room. We would both end up on the floor so I called it quits and came back to bed. Also, it just didn't feel right to *not* be with her, yk?

Does it sound like she needs her own sleeping space? Am I being selfish by wanting to keep her near me? Is this just a phase? I know that probably noone can answer these questions, but I am feeling so alone in all of this.

Dh doesn't really practice Attachment Parenting per se, but he doesn't oppose the things I do with the kids. He has said that he thinks our daughter should be in her own bed in her own room, but doesn't push the issue everytime we (dd and I) come to bed.

When she squirms and fusses and nurses for 2.5-3 hours everynight trying to get to sleep, I get so annoyed! Part of me is scared also that dh is going to just have enough and lay down a co-sleeping ultimatum.

Sorry this is so scattered, I have been having issues for a couple of weeks now and am just finally sitting down to ask for help.

I love having her with me, but am just so tired. I'm not ready to give up co-sleeping but will consider it if it's what's best for my baby. Can anyone offer any helpful tips or advice?

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mollyeilis

· #2 · Apr 4, 2006

She's 4 months old? Starting to learn more about her environment, starting perhaps to move around more? If like my son, starting to teethe? Sounds normal to me, the sudden difficulties.

I don't see how putting her in a room alone would help at all. Then you'd REALLY be up all night with her, and your husband too!

2.5 hours to get her to sleep? Are you putting her to sleep too early?

Does your hubby help with nighttime at all? We have a shared routine which started when DS was very new, where hubby would walk with him and calm him down, then he'd hand him off to me for milk, and back and forth as needed. That way it was split up and neither of us could get too resentful.

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alegna

· #3 · Apr 4, 2006

Sounds pretty normal. Babies belong in bed with mom, you're doing the right thing keeping her there. Things should settle down a bit in a month or two.

-Angela

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TOmom

· #4 · Apr 4, 2006

I understand how you feel. I was beginning to get resentful of ds (4.5 mos) taking 2-3 hours to go to sleep each night and he was definitely tired. What worked for me (I got the idea from another post here) was to not nurse him to sleep lying down. I started nursing him sitting in a chair then rock until asleep and then get in bed. The whole process now takes about 20 min and he stays asleep for about 2 hours and I can leave the room to spend time with the rest of the family. This has been an amazing change for me and I have no idea why it worked but it did - maybe just shaking up the routine helps. He still wakes every 1.5-2 hours through the night and we nurse in bed lying down and he usually goes right back to sleep.

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Bex80

Discussion Starter · #5 · Apr 4, 2006

Oh TOmom! Your situation sounds so familiar! I will definitely try that suggestion. Yes, nursing lying down seems to soothe her, but she would nurse forever (hours!) and I couldn't get up to spend time with dh or ds. Thank you.

Thanks for the support Angela. I have seen you around a lot and you are always supportive and kind.

And Molly, thank you, too. Yes, I agree that she is probably learning so much about her environment, her body (movements and stuff), and even teething! She constantly has her hand or a toy in her mouth and she drools so much. My son was a paci addict and never really made much commotion about teething. This time around so many things are being done differently, that I feel like a brand new mama.

The 2.5 hours is basically her nursing for nutrition, and then for comfort/pacification (is that a word?

). She is definitely tired, as she catnaps all day. Usually 4 to 5 20 minute naps spread out.

Dh doesn't do any of the nighttime parenting with the baby. He feels that there's nothing he can really do for her and that since she strongly prefers me and it makes her more upset and awake when he tries to soothe her, that it's better for me to handle the nighttime parenting. He will usually go help ds if he needs something, but that's rare so he has it pretty easy in the nighttime. When we had kids we agreed that since I stay home and can grab naps, that I would do nighttime stuff. I must say though, that if I truly needed help (about to lose it or dealing with a sick child) I could wake him and he would help immediately. Don't want to diss my sweetie!

I can't thank ya'll enough for responding and for your help!!

I kept checking the thread and was discouraged when no one was replying. My morning started out really badly today, but after a couple of naps with the babe while my son was at Mom's Day Out, I felt much better and on a more even keel. It's even better now that I know you all are out there and have been there and also that it will get better.

I totally agree that she belongs with me. I love having her so close-I just wish that I had co-slept with my son. Well, when you know better....

Alright, enough of my novel. I must go put the dipes in the dryer and try to get to sleep! Thanks again, mamas.

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alybeans

· #6 · Apr 4, 2006

I think that is a really common age for them to be restless at night. My DD slept through the night until she was 4.5 months old and hasn'd done it since. Hang in there mama I think you're doing a great job. It will get easier.

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alegna

· #7 · Apr 4, 2006

Glad you're feeling a bit better about the situation. One upcoming stage to warn you about- seems like just when they get through this waking all the time thing, they start trying to crawl.... when that happens they start trying to crawl in their sleep! I learned to sleep with an arm across dd so I'd wake if she moved....

-Angela

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ktmama

· #8 · Apr 4, 2006

I could have written your post - at five months, my sleeping 6-8 hour baby suddenly changed routine. This is VERY common and happens at that time when they suddenly "wake up" to the world and continues through their major developmental stages. Now at eight months, I am thankful for only two night wakings, but we are still struggling with a going to sleep routine and figuring out an appropriate bedtime. Nothing seems to be right. Currently, I am nursing her when she's tired and dh rocks her to sleep. I'm sure it will change next week, though! Hang in there with what you are doing, but definitely stay open to some modifications. I moved dd to our bed a few weeks ago since she was waking up every 45 minutes or so (baaaaad teething) and I needed my sleep. However, I really do think she sleeps better swaddled in the co-sleeper. Sweet dreams, mama!

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