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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am currently working at the daycare that we have my DS enrolled at... so the situation could definitely be worse. But I have been looking for a position that I could have him with me. I had an interview with a family for a nanny position tonight. Very nice people. And outwardly, it seems like a good situation. But I'm having a negative gut reaction that isn't entirely rational, so if I get offered the position, I don't think I'm gonna take it. Anyway, that's not really what I want to rant about.<br><br>
I'm not one of those working moms who has a job b/c I want to work. I want so badly to be a SAHM, but we're not really in a position where I can do that. Right now, I feel like I'm struggling to do everything I'm doing and I'm only doing a mediocre job at all of it. I feel like I'm not being as good a teacher as I want to be. Not being as good a wife as I want to be. Not being as good a mom as I want to be. I can't seem to get it all together. I just don't have the energy for it all. And I'm feeling very depressed about it right now.<br><br>
So that's my rant. I don't really know what I'm expecting to get out of it. I mean I'm sure that all new moms deal with trying to fit everything together. And I'm sure that many of you can/will tell me that it just takes time and to be patient. That's all very rational. I guess what I want to know is how to emotionally deal with all the issues of having to be a WOHM when you want to be a SAHM and know that you can't. Or maybe I need to know how to forgive myself for how badly I feel like I'm sucking at everything right now. Or maybe I just need a hug. I don't know.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I have definitely gone through periods where I felt like I sucked at my job AND at the home/parenting stuff. There was never enough time/energy to give any one thing the attention it deserved. And I resented everyone -- my employer for not being more flexible, my DH for not bringing in more money, the WOHM-bashing SAHMs for not "getting it" that we couldn't just cut out cable/cellphones and make ends meet. It was rough.<br><br>
One thing that helped was realizing the grass is not always greener. I don't hang on the SAHM forum but those threads sometimes come up under New Posts. There are plenty of SAHMs who are not satisfied with their situations. Plenty who say that IF they could WOH and cover the cost of daycare, they would in a second. That they feel stuck, trapped, burnt out. That they hate being broke. And many SAHMs I know IRL are quite frank that if they'd had the option to at least work part-time, if there had been good available childcare within their budget, they would have jumped at it. These are women who wouldn't have even needed the income that bad -- they were just bored with the monotony of small-child care and the drudgery of keeping the house up.<br><br>
I feel that moms (at least in the US) don't really have good options, there are going to be downsides to whichever path you take and there's ALWAYS going to be people criticizing that you're making a bad choice, whatever that is. You're only human and you can only do what you can do.<br><br>
Good luck to you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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It takes time for everything to come together. I was a total basketcase at the same point you are now, and I am JUST finally feeling like myself again. Anna is 15 months old!!<br><br>
I didn't want to work then either. I think I cried at my desk weekly up until she was 9 months old. It was truly a rough time. What helped was planning for the future and spending as much quality time with my DD as was possible. I made a plan to quit my inflexible job and go back to school for something I love and that will allow me more flexibility in the future (and also more time at home while I go to school). I let a lot of things slide, like house cleaning and projects. They are not important right now and they will still be there when you get to them. My marriage took a backseat, too, temporarily. My DH understood, but we did have some rough times, as well.<br><br>
You just have to come to terms with the fact that you cannot do everything and be everything. Prioritize and forgive yourself for letting some things slide. I let about everything slide but my DD. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Continue to work on finding work that allows you to maximize getting what you really want.<br><br>
It WILL get better.. and it will happen before you know it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Would you consider doing childcare/pre-school in your home?<br><br>
You would have to learn about what the reqirements are, but it sounds like you would be a perfect daycare owner/teacher. It's a fun job. It has it's downsides, but the good points are worth the trouble.<br><br>
I haven't heard good things about opening a dayhome in OK. I hear it's rather complicated. But, if you learn some things about it, you may decide that you really would love it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>nextcommercial</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11597168"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Would you consider doing childcare/pre-school in your home?<br><br>
You would have to learn about what the reqirements are, but it sounds like you would be a perfect daycare owner/teacher. It's a fun job. It has it's downsides, but the good points are worth the trouble.<br><br>
I haven't heard good things about opening a dayhome in OK. I hear it's rather complicated. But, if you learn some things about it, you may decide that you really would love it.</div>
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I actually decided against an in home daycare because I would have to take on more kids than I really want at one time. I'm basing that on how much attention I want to be able to give DS without shortchanging the other children. Also, I've heard some pretty bad stories about doing in home daycare... that you end up just feeling stuck at the house all the time...
 

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I don't have much advice... but here is a hug <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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i feel you. granted i like my job, but i do HAVE to work. i'm the breadwinner in our house and yeah i do feel trapped sometimes. i think i would work at least pt anyway, just for my own sanity but right now now, not do-able. so heres a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">: for a situation change as well
 
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