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just really need to talk

794 Views 3 Replies 3 Participants Last post by  Turtle Woman
i had my sweet baby girl last wednesday, and everything is going really well as far as the baby goes. but i am feeling totally unlike how i did with ds. now i have a 3 yo and a newborn. i'm feeling overwhelmed, and, well, i don't know how to explain it. last night i cried and cried so much that i can tell my husband was worried, and my son, but i couldn't stop, and yesterday morning too. crying to the point of shaking. my parents are divorced and i went a week over my due date, and due to a bunch of different events the only weekend both were able to come down to see the baby was this weekend--a day after i had her. both parents and my mom's new spouse. they stayed in hotels, but spent the day in our little apartment, when all i wanted to do was rest and hold my baby, and i still would do that, but there were all these people here, my son and dh need to adjust too, and i feel like they took away a big chunck of my nesting in time. i should have said no, but i was so excited after the baby was born that i wasn't even thinking and said it would be great if they leaves today, and dh only has tomorrow afternoon off work and then i'm on my own, unless he can talk his bosses into it. i really feel like i need more help than that. i'm not even supposed to be out of bed because i had a tiny unstitched nic in my vaginal tissue and my midwife told me to take it very easy for a week.

wow, i'm rambling...

but i am losing my temper with ds very easily, and i know i could be a better mother. my baby was there when i yelled at my son today and i know this sounds ridiculous but she seems different since then...

got to go, but thanks for reading if you read this far. helps to get it out...
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i hope i posted this in the right place...i don't know if i have the baby blues or not, but was feeling really bad when i wrote this.
Mamaley, first off let me send you some {{{hugs}}}. Dealing with a baby, plus a 3 year old, plus two sets of visitors -- that is an awful lot to ask of a brand-new mom!!!

You absolutely, positively need and deserve help. I don't know if you have a strong friend or family network around, but have your husband help you make a list of things you would like help with, and people you could ask. Neighbors, moms of your 3-year-old's friends, anyone! Then have him call or call yourself if (and only if) you feel like it. Or if you have a good friend who could handle it for you, ask her. Then just call and look at the list of things that you could use help with and ask for them to help with something on the list. Be specific, like, "We're not sleeping much and just don't have any energy to cook, could you possibly bring a meal to us? Leftovers or sandwich fixings or anything at all would be fine." Or if someone calls to ask about the baby, say, "I hate to ask, but I could sure use some help getting a couple loads of laundry done. Do you think you could help me with that Monday after work?" Just some examples. Ask if your older one can go over to friends' houses for a couple hours (free childcare that you can return the favor for when your baby is older).

It's so hard to ask for help, but I've found that people are surprisingly willing if only you ask! (Even if they aren't overly willing, you can always beg, LOL!) I've personally felt honored when people have asked me to help them, even if I didn't know them super well. It made me feel good that they trusted me and wanted me to be a part of their lives.

With your 3-year old, could you invest in a couple of new videos or borrow some from friends? We all know that way too much TV is a bad thing, BUT, having just packed, moved, and unpacked, I'm positive that there is nothing at all wrong with a few weeks of watching more TV than usual so you can get a break while the older child is entertained.

Also, if you have any extra money, don't be afraid to splurge on take-out or have pizza delivered or pay a sitter to watch your older child a couple of hours while you sleep with the baby. So what if take-out isn't perfect food -- removing some of the usual work from your day and leaving more time for resting and being with your kids is just as important for the short-term! Or if you don't have the money, consider asking a relative for cash for these things in lieu of yet another cheesy baby outfit.

One last IMPORTANT thing -- I just read a thread that I think you should read:

Especially read the long post by Jish midway through, and the replies after it. I think it will help you feel not so alone in the challenges of raising two children.

As you can tell, I'm all for doing what it takes to just get through the day. It will get easier in time, but for now it's really challenging, so ask for help from any source you can think of and cut yourself a TON of slack to be imperfect -- everyone is! You are still a wonderful mom. Hang in there!

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I hope you can get some help. See if you can put your parents to work before they leave. Maybe your mom can make and freeze some soup or other food with your 3 yr old and let you be alone with the newbie.

Things will get better. Try and take a deep breath when you feel overwhelmed and live in the moment. Take one moment at a time. This helped me alot.

Videos are great!

I kept a basket of snacks, books and toys for my dd's next to my bed when I was home with the kids alone. I asked them to get things for me like diapers and they felt very important.

Vent some more if you need to. I read when I could and wrote in my journal.

Wish I could help and had the right words.

Blessings Mama!
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