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Just some questions from our marriage counselor....curious as to how others would answer...<br><br>
What pulls you and your partner together?<br>
What pushes you and your partner apart?<br><br>
How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KentuckyDoulaMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7300579"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just some questions from our marriage counselor....curious as to how others would answer...<br><br>
What pulls you and your partner together?<br>
What pushes you and your partner apart?<br><br>
How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</div>
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Interesting questions.<br><br><b>what pulls us together?</b><br>
working on something together, like cooking. Doing things as a family unit when his daughter is here. Watching 24. Just being together. We really like to be together, and when we aren't we talk on the phone several times a day. We are physically attracted to each other.<br><br><b><br>
what pushes us apart?</b><br>
When his depression gets to be too much and he wants to die, so he pushes me away and withdraws (and last time he took off to Hawaii for a week with a plan to kill himself, but thankfully something stopped him. he said it was the sight of an old woman in a wheel chair on the beach smiling, when he felt so miserable)<br>
When his daughter is difficult to be around, and i pull away (I try to plow through this feeling though, and usually it all ends up working out).<br><br><b>What do I respect him for?</b><br>
Being an awesome father and never giving up no matter how many miles or roadblocks are put in between him and his daughter.<br>
I respect everything about him - the way he treats me, the way he treats his dog, the way he treats his plumbing customers, the fact that he quit drinking and doesn't start again even when he feels like dying, the way he treats my family. He's awesome. I would like it though, if he got some help for his depression.<br><br><b>How do I respect him?</b><br>
I try to honor his feelings where ever he is emotionally.<br>
I guess I'm just nice to him, and I don't yell at him or say mean things or make snide remarks. I'm open about how I feel. I bring him groceries when he's sick. I clean his house when his daughter is coming since he doesn't like to clean. I am patient with him.
 

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<i>What pulls you and your partner together?</i><br>
Our fondness for each other. Our physical attraction to each other. Our children. Our desire to see each other happy. Our attraction to the same things: outdoors, ocean, traveling, healthy living.<br><br><br><i>What pushes you and your partner apart?</i><br>
Stress. Exhaustion. Lack of communication. Dealing with stress in destructive ways. His mother, sometimes.<br><br><i>How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</i><br>
I respect him by listening to him. Asking him about his day at work. Asking him how he's doing. Suggesting he take care of himself by resting, eating well, etc. I respect him by doing things for him even if I don't really feel like it, because I know it will please him (footrubs, sex, etc.). I respect him for working hard to support our family. For being intelligent, loyal, kind, and an awesome father.
 

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<b>What pulls you and your partner together?</b><br>
Our shared interests, the respect we have for each other, our families and our beautiful baby.<br><b><br>
What pushes you and your partner apart?</b><br>
Me overanalyzing things. Keeping different waking hours.<br><br><b>How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</b><br>
I respect him by listening and sharing his experiences. I try to keep the house and our baby sane for him so he can come home to a peaceful environment. I respect him for his brains, warmth, and sense of honor.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>KentuckyDoulaMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7300579"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">What pulls you and your partner together?</div>
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Spending time together - whether it's cleaning the house or going for a hike or taking a family vacation. Also, spending time as a family (everybody) just "chilling", while we watch a movie or enjoy a fire in the fireplace. Our mutual love and adoration of our children. Conversation. We're also pulled together by our mutal belief that marriage and childrearing isn't always easy, but that life isn't <i>supposed</i> to be "always easy" - we're both in this for the long haul, and we both know it. We're pulled together by our respect for each other, and our appreciation of each other's senses of humour.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">What pushes you and your partner apart?</td>
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Not a whole lot...so far, it's only been when we're at loggerheads over a big issue. Until recently, there was some distance because dh didn't want any more children, and I desperately want a fourth. (I'm pregnant now, and he totally agreed, so that's been resolved.) We also have to make a huge effort to get close again when our own personal issues create distance...I tend to spend a lot of time facing inward while processing my c-sections, for example.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</td>
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I respect dh by taking the time to listen to his concerns and take them into account. I also try to remember his favourites...food, music, etc., etc. (not sure if that's more "respect" or "appreciation"). I leave him alone when he needs some downtime, provided I'm not sick or something, and make sure he has time for things he needs/wants to do, such as his beer brewing and bike maintenance.<br><br>
I respect him for...taking on a stepchild when he had <i>no</i> experience with kids, and knew the situation was tense, at best (ds1's biodad is a crack addict)...working long hours to provide us with a decent lifestyle...getting up at night when dd cries...always being as honest as possible when something his bothering him...realizing that becoming parents means that playtime is over for a while (well - mostly over)...learning to cook, even though he was really nervous about it (vision problems that made it very tricky)...learning to brew beer, because he likes the "good stuff", and knows that we really can't afford it. I have to practice for choir - but lots of other things. DH is a total standup guy.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">What pulls you and your partner together?</td>
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How much we love eachother and how we are best friends. Sometimes it gets lost for a moment in frustration and stress but definitely how much we love eachother is always what brings us back. I remember what he means to me and everything else seems to shrink in importance. I remember that he is the only one in the world that could ever put up with me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">What pushes you and your partner apart?</td>
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Money problems <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> We have survived children, fighting with doctors over health problems, moving away from family, homeschooling a "difficult" preteen, the works with ease. But when money gets too tight, he looses self esteem feeling as though he cannot 'provide for us' and gets defensive and unpleasant, and I become overprotective of myself and the kids and am very quick to 'defend' them/me with him, and it just spirals into every aspect of our lives.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for</td>
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I respect my husband because he is a very intelligent, well thought out, supportive, loving husband. I respect his field of work, his stability, and his obvious love for me and our children.<br><br>
I'm feeling mushy today. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Its our anniversary and valentines day, and even though I didn't get anything because my whole household is sick, I am still happy to have them all.
 

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<b>What pulls you and your partner together?</b><br>
We are best friends .. we choose to do things together 99% of the time because we enjoy being together. So it could be something as simple as cleaning up the house, playing with Alex, or watching a movie. We love to joke around and tease eachother so really, any time we spend with eachother (which is a lot) pulls us together.<br><br><b>What pushes you and your partner apart?</b><br>
Our one and only issue is the fact that sometimes he forgets that I need touching, affection and to HEAR how much he loves me. He's been in bad pain from a surgery, and there were weeks where I felt really down and disconnected from him. But we talked, and lately have been closer than ever.<br><br><b>How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</b><br>
I try to do the little things that matter. He works very hard to provide most of the support for us .. so I try to keep the house as neat and clean as possible, cook things he enjoys for dinner, run most of the errands, etc. I try to tell him often how much I appreciate him.<br>
I respect him for so many reasons .. it's why I fell in love with him! He's a standup guy, honest to the core. I know he would never lie to me, never do anything to hurt me, in fact, I know he would die trying to protect me. He loves my son as his own, provides for him and is in every way his father. His parenting views were very different from mine, but over the years he's taken the time to talk about it, get educated, watch UP on DVD, etc .. and has totally come around, and tells me he's a better person for it. For all of that, I have the upmost respect. I could go on and on and on .. he is such a wonderful person and the list of things I respect about him is endless. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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What pulls you and your partner together?<br><br>
Our shared love for our daughter. Good sex! We write songs together. Shared pleasure in food, movies, travel. Our history. Shared sense of humor.<br><br>
What pushes you and your partner apart?<br><br>
Lack of time, lack of sleep, lack of patience! I feel I can't be as supportive of some of his goals as I'd like to be, because he doesn't seem to take effective steps to achieve them and it's frustrating for me; this is probably the biggest issue in our marriage, and it's my issue, mostly. We both get defensive when there's conflict, instead of trusting that we love each other and are on the same side. And we're both kind of introverted, so it's easy for us to slide into not spending enough time together, which can erode our connection.<br><br>
How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?<br><br>
He's got enormous personal integrity. He is kind and funny and responsible and devoted. He's an immensely talented artist. He's a great dad and a great lover. He's able to put personal gratification on hold and do what needs to be done.
 

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<b>What pulls you and your partner together?</b> our children, doing things together where we can just chit-chat and enjoy one another's company, traveling together, cooking together and eating as many meals together as possible. Just everyday *life* keeps us together.<br><br><b>What pushes you and your partner apart?</b> His having the need to work 24/7 and not being as intimate as I would like. By intimate I mean I need more hugs, random kisses, cuddling time together, not just vanilla sex.<br><br><b>How do you respect your partner/what do you respect your partner for?</b> I respect him for working so hard but he doesn't see that respect because he also sees that I am upset that he works TOO hard most of the time when he really doesn't have to. He's just obsessed with needing to pile a lot of stuff on himself so he's too busy all the time for no real reason.
 
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