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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My son, age 2.75 (will be 3 in November), has gotten into the rather annoying habit of requesting.....er, insisting upon.... which parent does what.<br><br>
For example, if both dh and I are going somewhere with the kids, my son will only let <i>me</i> buckle him into his car seat. He throws a tantrum if dh tries. Normally, I just go with the flow, and I buckle him in before it even becomes an issue. But occasionally I forget and get buckled into my own seat. Then, when he throws his fit, I have to get out of the car and buckle him in, when dh is standing <i>right there</i> and could do it. I mean, it's not <i>really</i> a big deal for me to get out and do it, but sometimes I feel annoyed that he won't let dh do it.<br><br>
Or this morning, I was making crepes. I had a plate of them that were almost done, and I was still cooking some, and dh was serving the done ones to the kids. Well, ds insisted that dh could not pour the syrup and roll up the crepe for him. Only I could do it. I told ds, "I'm finishing cooking. You can wait till I'm done, or you can have daddy do it now." He decided to wait, crying and complaining the whole time (about 10 minutes).<br><br>
So... what would you do in these situations? Would you just go with ds's demands, even if was (slightly) inconvenient and annoying? Would you do something else? Any suggestions?
 

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I'm so there with ya! My DS is the same age as yours, and in the past month or so has been very picky about who does what for him. Like you, if it's convenient, then the "chosen one" will do it, but we don't cater to his every whim on the issue -- if I'm already occupied with something else, then DH handles it, and vice versa.<br><br>
We just matter-of-factly say "Mommy (or Daddy) is busy/resting/whatever, sweetie -- I'll help you." If he gets upset we just kind of ignore it and help him anyway. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: I just don't want to send the message that it's a big deal, and I feel like the more I react to it or go out of my way to ensure that he *always* has it his way, the more he'll develop the idea that it is a big deal, you know?
 

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Dd does this exact same thing, with the car buckle, shoes, food, you name it. To be honest, the problem isn't so much her, because in general it's easy and simple for me to do whatever she is wanting. She's 3.5 and I WOH, so I think it's just a reflection of her wanting to be with me. The one who gets upset is dh, because he takes it as a personal affront that she is preferring me.<br><br>
He's usually the one having the tantrum and wanting it his way <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"> .
 

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Been there.<br><br>
Don't know what to say....sounds like you're dealing with it well.<br><br>
I tried to comply but insisted she ask nicely.<br>
When it wasn't within reason for the "chosen one" to do whatever we just let the other parent offer to help or let her wait until the chosen parent was able to help. Yes, sometimes she cried and whined for her way, right now.<br><br>
I do want my kids to feel a sense of control over there world so I would try to watch that she was given choices, etc.<br><br>
It gets better.
 

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My dd will also be 3 in November and does the exact same thing. In the instance of the carseat, I just reach over and do it from my seat but this only works cause our car is ridiculousy small. As for the crepes (YUM!) I'd just tell her that she can either wait or have daddy do it, but I don't want to hear any complaints, she made her choice. Now granted, she'd probably **** complain to me about it, but at least I made it clear.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
I'm glad it's not just us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I like the suggestion to request that he ask politely. We have been doing that, but not consistently enough, and I think it's really important.<br><br>
Dd (4) did this too, but not as often, and not for as long. She still occasionally does it, but she is more reasonable (because she's older).
 

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my dd is the same age and we are going thru the same thing. Only DH would rather give in then having to deal with a screaming toddler. I get really anoyed with him. Afterall who is the adult. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: Dh is the weak parent often giving into thier whims. Makes me look like a mean mom. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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I think at this age toddlers are becoming aware of how little power they have, and seek to rectify that. We support DD's requests for one parent or the other as much as possible, unless it is extremely difficult or ridiculously inconvenient, in which case we explain why she can't have that parent at that time, and sympathize, and also try to give her other choices if doing so won't upset her more.<br><br>
I don't really see saying, "no" to her as me "being the adult" - there's no doubt who has the power in the end - and of course she wants more control over her life - we all do.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BellinghamCrunchie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9007334"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think at this age toddlers are becoming aware of how little power they have, and seek to rectify that. We support DD's requests for one parent or the other as much as possible, unless it is extremely difficult or ridiculously inconvenient, in which case we explain why she can't have that parent at that time, and sympathize, and also try to give her other choices if doing so won't upset her more.<br><br>
I don't really see saying, "no" to her as me "being the adult" - there's no doubt who has the power in the end - and of course she wants more control over her life - we all do.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BellinghamCrunchie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9007334"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think at this age toddlers are becoming aware of how little power they have, and seek to rectify that. We support DD's requests for one parent or the other as much as possible, unless it is extremely difficult or ridiculously inconvenient, in which case we explain why she can't have that parent at that time, and sympathize, and also try to give her other choices if doing so won't upset her more.<br><br>
I don't really see saying, "no" to her as me "being the adult" - there's no doubt who has the power in the end - and of course she wants more control over her life - we all do.</div>
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We have the same issue with DD (28 months) and handle it the same way as BellinghamCrunchie. The one exception is the nighttime routine. DD wants me to do the teeth brushing, nightclothes putting on, pottying and everything else. I tell her that daddy gets to do one of the above because otherwise I don't get a break for a good 2 hours (she is impossible to get to sleep). DH does sometimes get his feelings hurt because it is usually me that DD wants.
 
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