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My girls, 4-1/2 and 1-1/2, fight over my attention so bad and so often it just drives me crazy. When the toddler is sitting in my lap the girl will climb up onto my lap too. I will put one on each leg in each arm, but then the toddler will yell and try to push the big girl off of me with either her body or her hand. Then, of course, the big girl retaliates by shoving back. I stop them, they squawk at eachother. One minute later they start again. over and over.... It's the same if the big girl is in my lap and the toddler sees her and gets jealous.<br><br>
If I sit down with the big girl to draw with her, the toddler comes over and butts in and tries to steal the paper or crayons.. the big girls gets mad, the toddler gets mad. It's the same with the toys, nap time, breastfeeding... just anything they can possibly fight over.<br><br>
I have tried to tell the big girl to give the toddler some time first, and then I'll give her a turn... but it's gotten to the point that it's not fair to the big girl. And she's not being very cooperative about it lately.<br><br>
I swear I can't pick one up without the other throwing a fit anymore. They've really spun out of control the last few weeks. I'm sure I must have overcompensated for their rivalry somewhere along the way, but now that I am here, how do I fix it? They fight over me all the time.<br><br>
Should I put them both down and refuse to do anything with them for 5 minutes when they fight over me? Should I take turns? Should I just take a vacation? Does anyone have any advice?
 

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hmmmm wish I had some advice, but my dd's do the same thing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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I find the problem is significantly decreased when I plan and spend enough one-on-one time with each child. Its hard for me to do but I have always made the effort because it brings me closer to each child. I might keep the older one up later and read her special stories or do an interesting art project. Sometimes I encourage them not to nap simultaneously. It is even worth it to me to have one in childcare so that I can spend alone time with the other one. Sometimes my dh watches one while I watch the other. Sometimes the older one plays at a friend's house and I use that time to connect to the younger one. I talk about the one-on-one time openly with them and explain why its important for each member of the family to have alone time with each of the other members. They respect that and even tell me that they need their one-on-one time to play with each other. In other words, "mom, could you get out here and leave us alone to play?"
 
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