[doublewhammy]

My twins are almost two, now, and I thought (hoped!) things might start getting a little easier. But my marriage, always shaky, is now dangling by a thread. We had another of those fights where separation was discussed (mostly by my husband) this weekend. Frankly, I just don't see how I could do it. And I'm not sure I can see us staying together, either. Two months ago we moved a thousand miles. The 5 of us are living in a one room house. Supposedly, we're building another, bigger home--but nothing's happened yet on that front. My husband doesn't want to be here--or with me, as far as I can tell. I have nothing to go back to, and I'm estranged (with good reason) from my family. I'm a wreck, emotionally, and I'm no fun for anyone to be around.

I need help finding hope in this situation. Has anyone else been through this?

 

[cdahlgrd]

Having multiples is a huge risk factor for divorce. It is really hard on a couple to be constantly tired and emotionally drained at the end of the day. It has been hard on us too.

Can you find some help with childcare and a marriage couselor? Some time alone and together as just a couple really helped us. Add some couseling and you may come out stronger. It would be worth a try.

I am finding that it has been much easier after 2. finally they can understand the rules and follow them, so we are getting out more, etc.

 

[starc]

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope things will work out for you.

 

[boopie2001]

I'm sorry.

:

 

[michellyn]

With all of you in a one room house, it is no surprise that your stress levels are through the roof! It is amazing that you've been able to survive for two months this way. I hope some things begin to resolve for you soon. You will make it--you survived having baby twins (yeah, that distant foggy memory). No matter what happens, you are a very strong woman. I really hope you can get into a better housing situation soon. I really think that could help ease the stress a bit.

 

[DoomaYula]

 

[mother culture]

This too will pass and you must forgive your self for any past issues and keep moving on. Stay out side all day with your children with pleanty of nature walks and adventure. You will pull through as a couple or not. But always united by your family.

 

[MaterBum]

I'm so sorry you're having a difficul time.

I wish I had some grand advice how to make everything all better. It must be so hard having the twins and not feel like you and your spouse are working as a team. The twins were really hard on my marriage the first year, but now things are much more sane (they are 28 months).

Do you think your dh's negative feelings will improve as the twins get older, more independent, etc. or do you think the problem stems from elsewhere, stresses that exist that are not dependent solely upon the daily stressors of multiples, family, etc.?

More hugs to you.

 

[kirk_heidi]

If there were already marital problems it is no wonder that the stressors of multiples has made it worse. I agree that trying to seek help and get into a bigger place could help. The most impotant thing is to find the root issues that have caused the problems so you can work on those first. My twins are almost 2 also and it has gotten easier so dont give up hope. (((((hugs)))))

 

[doublewhammy]

Thanks everybody for your support and advise. Both boys slept through the night last night and I'm feeling better now. I agree, the living situation has added a lot of stress to an already stressful situation. I don't know many people here (yet), so finding a sitter is more or less out of the question at the moment. As for counseling, I'm more than ready, but my husband isn't. I don't know how much good counseling will do if he doesn't want to go. In any case, we'd need a sitter (or three!).

I know that I love my husband, and I believe our family belongs together. It's hard, though.

 

[IndigoEyes]

What about a local church? My sister and her DH moved away from all of us a couple years ago. Both of them are far from family. They ended up getting couseling through the church they joined.

You could post for a needed sitter with the church bulletin. Maybe something once a week while you and DH spend some much needed couple time.

Wishing you a better tomorrow!

HUGS

 

[f&p'smama]

Mine are 2-1/2 and although I feel like things are still hard, I think it's more because I expected it to get easier than it is by now. If I actually think about it, there are lots of ways it's gotten easier. For my two, between 2 years old and now, they've started sleep through the night most nights. They are much better at playing by themselves and together. They can entertain themselves by walking around the yard and pushing their baby strollers around the yard. They can dress themselves when they want to. They are potty learning so I don't have to wash diapers any more. They still do things that make me want to scream and rip my hair out, but it has gotten easier in lots of ways. It's hard for people who don't have twins to understand the ways in which they influence each other and you end up with chaos quickly.

I agree with what others have said, if you're not realistically going to build a new home within the next few months, I'd look into getting a place with more space, if it's at all financially feasible.

I will probably get myself flamed saying this on MDC, but I actually found Dr. Laura's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" to be helpful. For us, our really hard time came when we were trying to get PG and going through fertility treatments & it helped me to read this book and it made our marriage better. (I just have to say that I do not agree with Dr. Laura on many issues and do not agree at all with what she has to say about raising children, but did find this to be helpful.)

I hope your marriage survives this rocky time and that you come out stronger on the other end. You will be in my thoughts. Please check in and let us know how you're doing.