[abc123xyz]

Sorry that this will be long...I have a lot to say:

We goto a small church where we are/were friends with most of the families with children there. There is one family that we are close friends with but the mom is interesting to say the least. My DH and her DH are like best friends...like they are the same person. But she is very quiet and is hard to maintain conversation with yet I try to engage her so that we can build a relationship. This situation was just the straw that broke the camel's back to our desire to break away from this church and start our own NT homechurch...anyways here it goes:

My son is 13 months old. He loves other children and we are a very affectionate family down to our extended family. He gets and gives kisses all the time. Do I want him kissing strangers? No! But these children are not strangers! Okay, so I never leave my son in nursery at church. It's a pet peeve of mine to ditch my child in there and I just don't like the idea. Good for some, not for me. I would prefer to keep him in service with me to teach him the proper way to behave in that type of atmosphere but people get real rude at our church. They come up to me during worship when there is no nursery care and tell me that I can take him to the nursery if I want, even when he is just listening to worship and dancing or something cute. It bothers me alot. And when I nurse, oh goodness!!! Another story there. So when children are dismissed, I take him to the nursery and observe his interaction with other children and to make sure that he is meeting milestones and things like that. I was a teacher and am homeschooling so that is important to me. So last week, this family friend of ours had her child in there, and there were a couple others. My son goes up to his friend and gives a hug and his idea of a kiss. This woman freaks out, yelling at my son. My 13 month old son with me sitting right there, mind you, that kissing is disgusting and we don't kiss other people and how dare you and pulled my son from hers. Now, my little guy is ultra sensitive and started crying. It was pitiful. I nestled him close and kissed him and nursed him and just kept telling him that it was all okay. I was shocked that she would yell at my son like that while I was sitting right there which is why I won't leave him in there. If she would do that with me there, what would happen if I wasn't? Would he have gotten cuddled and soothed? No! So she proceeds to tell me that they don't kiss their children on the lips and that it is disgusting and morbid to do that and that they teach their kids that only married people kiss on the mouth. Well, I understand that I don't want my children kissing others when he is older as we believe in courting and that kissing is reserved for marriage. BUT THEY ARE ONE!!!!! HELLO!!?!!!?!!!? And a parent not kissing her child on those sweet little perfect lips is ridiculous! I still kiss the 8 and 5 year old kids I nannied for on the lips. I guess that is just how we are. I kiss my granny on her lips. I don't believe in kissing a certain way out of marriage. 75% of the world greets by kissing....Am I wrong and should I just forget about being offended or do I have a right to be bothered? I mean my feelings are completely valid as far as how I am feeling but would you feel that way? Do you let your kids hug and kiss others? Do they hug and kiss you? I love my baby kisses and wouldn't trade them for anything but am I crazy to allow him to kiss me on the lips as this mother pointed in to me?

Needless to say, we are not attending this church after the New Year and are only going on Wed. because we have to finish our tenure as Youth Pastors and that is over end of this month. We have been planning and are going to start a homechurch after the 1st with some great like-minded friends who don't mind if our kids kiss and hug!!! Thanks for your input though. I really appreciate others views on this as I am completely at a loss for anything different that what we currently view as normal for us and our family!

 

[AkRotts]

I would be FURIOUS if I were you!!!! How dare she yell at your precious child!!!! It so infuriates me when people do that!!!

It is totally natural for a child who has been kissed and hugged to do it to others, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!!!

When Caitlyn was 14 months old we were at a BBQ and a little boy who was just a couple days older than her, walked up to her and give her a big hug and kiss. We had never met him or his family before, but I have to admit I thought it was the cutest thing. Caitlyn didn't think so and pushed him away, but gave him a kiss later on. I guess it had to be on her terms

We do a lot of hugging and kissing in our family. I couldn't imagine not kissing my little ones. I can't tell you how happy I was when they learned to give kisses and now that they say "I love you" my life is complete

:

 

[abc123xyz]

Well at least i am not the only one who thinks is okay to have a problem with it. He has just started willingly giving kisses and I adore it so much! I love it when he goes back and forth between my and daddy and gives me one kiss and daddy one kiss for like 30 kisses. It's so sweet! I know this is normal behavior because our pediatrician mentioned last visit, "just wait until he stars giving kisses...it will make you feel so special" So I know its normal toddler behavior. I just couldn't think fast enough when she was yelling at my son of what to do. I would never yell at her son like that...or anyone's child for that matter!

Thanks for making me feel okay about this!

 

[LionTigerBear]

She was WAY out of line. Even IF kissing on the lips were unacceptable or inappropriate behavior (and I think she is wrong there, but that's beside the point) you STILL do not yell at a one-year-old or shame them in that way. Well, you shouldn't yell at or shame a child of any age, but to yell at a sweet little one-year-old is INEXCUSABLE! I would have been so furious.

And, my goodness, imposing on others the idea that kissing is always and ONLY reserved for marriage is beyond ridiculous, I'm sorry-- it's just laughable. I think that raising one's children without kissing seems awfully sad to me.

On the other hand though, for me, it would not be grounds for me to leave a church I liked unless the hostile attitude was backed up by other people besides one odd family. But it sounds like you already had a problem with the church before this. So, just wanted to validate that you were not out of line AT ALL. Hope your new church works out better for you!

 

[kriket]

from the other side of the fence.

I hate being touched, I hate kisses, I really despise when people assume that I want to hug them.

: We're not an overly affectionate family, I've thought about being aware of this when my child is born in case they want to be kissers.

I don't mind hugs with my spouse or little kids, but hugging other adults, creeps me out. Kissing other people, especially on the mouth, is disgusting. (yes, even my spouse, he's started keeping 'rations' in his beard for the winter

)

HOWEVER, I wouldn't have wigged out on you like that. If you kid wants to kiss mine, whatever, if your kid was trying to force kisses on mine and they didn't want it. We may have to make a maternal intervention.

ps, I was never abused or neglected, my family is very loving, just not 'overly' outwardly affectionate.

 

[abc123xyz]

Thanks Liontigerbear: we were already on our way out of the church! It's not just this incident. i may have made it sound that way though...didn't mean to! This just confirmed it a little more. it seems we have an incident every time we are there that just confirms our plans to move on. It happens that way and we are grateful for it. I just hate that it came at the reprimand of my child!!

But thanks for your comment. I feel the same as you about everything you said. I think it is tetrimental to not kiss or show affection to your children. She also has a HUGE issue with me breastfeeding. She will turn her kids away from me while I am nursing my LO even when he was a tiny little baby because she" thinks it is wrong and she doesn't want her children to see that. " So, it is all stemming from somewhere I just can't subject my children to that and we are hoping to conceive this cycle so I just can't be talked down to anymore.

I'm sorry my responses are so long...I just need to let this all out!

Kriket: I understand...I use to not be affectionate before I was married and before the baby came but once I looked at him, I couldn't help but kiss his little lips and still can't til this day. He has taught me to be affectionate. And I am so much more now however, I am selective about it too...I don't hug strangers....or people I've just met. But I hug those I truly love and want to show affection to and I can't imagine teaching my child not to do that. He is expressing his feelings and who am I to supress them?? I guess it's just one of those things...Kids kiss! No biggie. When you make a big deal of it, that's when it becomes an issue. I think any ways!

 

[mamadelbosque]

We give lots and lots of hugs and kisses around here... but mostly not on the lips. I feel thats just a little bit 'wierd'. But thats juts me. I find it VERY strange when other folks want to give me kisses that I don't know very well - ie DH's dad/grandparents, heck, I'd find it wierd if MY uncles/aunts/grandparents wanted to give me a kiss all the time - specially on the lips... that'd just be, freaky. IMO!!

ALL that said, they're kids! They're beyond kids! They're babies! And so, I'd be LIVID!! I mean, seriously!!

Quick, humourous story thats sorta relatd: The other instructor in my tae kwon do class' girls have been taught to kick boys in the balls if they give'm kisses

! But, the younger one (who's like, 3) got a kiss from my DS the last time they saw each other, and when her dad found out said "But daddy! He's just a baby!! And I WANTED a kiss from him!!"

To which her dad replied "uh huh"

 

[HarperRose]

My son is also 13 mos old and if someone came down on him like that I'd be horrified.

As it is I nearly knocked out my 40 yr old bil for criticizing my 8 yr old ds after he displayed an (obvious to me) Asperger's trait. Bil implied I was using it as an excuse, bil nearly ate his teeth.

Do not mess with Mama Bear!

I have a friend who smooches my babies on the lips all the time. Well, the baby, she did w/ my older 2 when they were babies, also. It doesn't bother me in the least. There is so much more to get worked up over!

for you and your little guy! And a kiss for him, too!

 

[onyxravnos]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AkRotts I would be FURIOUS if I were you!!!! How dare she yell at your precious child!!!! It so infuriates me when people do that!!! It is totally natural for a child who has been kissed and hugged to do it to others, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that!!!

: she was out of line. there is nothing wrong with kids hugging and kissing. (or adults!) it's how they show that they are caring. I wish you the best of luck with your home church!

 

[funkychunkymunky]

I would have called her out on yelling and pulling a ONE YEAR OLD. That is uncalled for.

 

[TwinsTwicePlusTwo]

Oh, if someone yelled at one of my kids for doing something perfectly NORMAL (or for anything, really) I would be FURIOUS! I have a real temper when it comes to my kids and that other mother would've gotten it BIG TIME!

We have a very affectionate family and we all hug and kiss (yes, sometimes on the lips). There's nothing 'weird' about it, particularly when they're that little.

 

[k9sarchik]

sheesh, stay away from her. She's got serious hang ups. I feel bad for her kid.

I can't stop hugging and kissing my little one. My Dh and I are both very affectionate people and come from very huggy and kissy families. My DS does the same thing, he wants to give kisses to all the other kids and he's 14 months old.

 

[hedgehogs4]

Quote:

Originally Posted by LionTigerBear She was WAY out of line. Even IF kissing on the lips were unacceptable or inappropriate behavior (and I think she is wrong there, but that's beside the point) you STILL do not yell at a one-year-old or shame them in that way. Well, you shouldn't yell at or shame a child of any age, but to yell at a sweet little one-year-old is INEXCUSABLE! I would have been so furious.

:

She responded in an unkind, inappropriate and imo unchristian way to your baby. Church nursery is where children learn how adult christians care for them and act!

Your child acted like a 13 mo old - my son at that age once tried to kiss an old man on line behind us in the grocery store - ds was in the shopping cart seat kinda at lip level with him