[homesteader]

ds is at a point now where i have to think fast on my feet whether i want him doing what he's about to do. i find myself making knee-jerk decisions that i am not always happy with after thinking about for a moment. i know this habit is b/c my parents would always expect a quick answer out of us when asked anything. also, i say no to things that my parents said no to and then i realize that i don't have that hang-up and it's fine if my son does it. ds's father has always been one to think about something for a moment & then decide, i don't seem to have the ability(yet). i am keenly aware of what's going on...after the fact.

i frequently will switch my decision after already letting ds know that he can or can't. i think i'm setting up a bad situation where my son sees me as fickle. does anyone have any suggestions for changing this habit.

 

[JeanetteL]

I don't really have much advice - except to say that I struggle with this too - especially if I'm occupied with something else and at all distracted. Often I find I've given an answer before even completely hearing the question, or saying NO! automatically and then reevaluating (specifically in situations that really did used to be no's when she was younger, but where I can probably give her more freedom now). One thing that has helped is to make a mental note whenever I find myself jumping the gun on my response - and try to decide afterwards how I really want to respond in the future - is this request or action really a no, a yes or possibly something that could be successfully modified so that you are comfortable with it.

 

[indiegirl]

Quote:

Originally posted by homesteader i frequently will switch my decision after already letting ds know that he can or can't. i think i'm setting up a bad situation where my son sees me as fickle. does anyone have any suggestions for changing this habit.

I think you have nailed this one. I think it is so important to try and be as consistant as possible--and you have the right idea that changing your mind isn't going to model good behavior or set good limits.

You know what did the trick for me? Once I decided that I wasn't going to change my mind (in favor of being consistant), and I said "no" to something that was, in fact, fairly trivial, I felt so badly that I thought twice about it next time. I had to deal with the ramifications of my snap judgement (temper tantrum and sad child) and it really worked.

More often nowdays I say, "hm. I need to think about it." or, my favorite, "Later!"

Hope this helps--I have been in this situation/space many times recently and it is pretty recent that I feel like I've gotten a handle on it.