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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I just feel like posting, cause I feel kinda bad that I haven't been here more to offer support. So here is on big huge


I am feeling in a different spot than alot of you here and I really don't know how to how to respond alot mainly because I just get really baffled. I just really can't understand all these freakin jerks that don't want to see their kids, does not offer help, money or anything. I feel really, really fortunate that my X has voluntarily paid child support to me, faithfully every week even though he couldn't pay his own bills. He takes the kids whenever he is not working, and at least overnight one night a week, he comes over and fixes my stereo, he takes us out to eat and asks if I need any help with anything. He worries that I don't have enough money and is happy when I find ways to make money (right now doing childcare). We talk on the phone.

So I just feel like I don't know how to respond to these threads with these *men* acting like complete baffoons. Granted, if X had acted like the above while we were together, he wouldn't be an X then....so he did act like a baffoon before.

But I just want you all to know that I have been reading along, and I listen and am behind you all 100% of the way.
 

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Thank you Jeni! That is nice of you. I'm really glad that you and your ex are able to live apart so amicably. I wish that more men could accept their shortcomings and learn how to continue to work on themselves.

Peace,

Karen
 

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Thanks wemoon.
It's always encouraging for me to read that someone's ex is actually behaving. Mine used to before.........the girlfriend.............so I hope it gets back to that point again.
 

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Thank you, Wemoon!

My dd's dad is also very well-behaved. He doesn't take dd for visits without me, and doesn't pay cs on time, (also doesnt' fix stuff) but in all other regards he is great. He visits dd every day, he also takes us out to eat occasionally, and he basically supports every parenting decision I make. Just tonight he came over and made us homemade pizza. Like your ex, however, he didn't act anywhere near as supportive when we were together. Go figure.

I'm feeling the love! Thanks for the post.
 

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I never quite feel like I fit here for the opposite reason - my daughter's father is just not in the picture. He pays no child support - I never even tried to get him court-ordered to pay any - he has no custodial or visitation rights, and hereally sort of flits in and out of the picture. And he's been this wa for 11 years, and we're totally fine with things the way they are. I mean, yes, some $ would be nice, but it's never gonna happen so I don't even think about it.

So big hugs to those of you with big ex or soon-to-be-ex problems...

Dar
 

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It is refreshing to hear that there are men out there who care about their children as yours does. My exh pays child support regularly since the judge told him too, and gets our daughter eoweekend since the judge told him to.

But I have not spoken a word to him in over a month. He absolutely will not speak with me, and never calls to check on our daughter.
: So when he gets her for his weekends, it's like she has disappeared off the face of the earth for me. The hardest thing I will ever have to do is to let her go with him. Basically I am sending her to a stranger's house for the weekend. She couldn't care less if she never saw him again, and since he won't talk to me or come around except for his court appointed times, I have no hope of building a bond between the two of them. Just breaks my heart for her.
You are very lucky to have your x be so supportive and involved. I envy you...
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
Thanks ladies for all the thoughts. It is really, really great that he is being such a wonderful dad, I'm proud of him. I know he does want to get back with me, he has stated it. Then for about a week he was a jerk cause I told him there was no chance in getting back together and I loved how things were working out. He did not like the sound of that at all. I had wrote him a 3 page letter after that telling him that I was not happy having my family split up, and really I would just love to have never had any of this happen, but that there was no way in hell I could live with an alcoholic anymore. After that letter he must've had a lightbulb moment, cause he has been even better than ever. He is even trying to quit drinking.

He REALLY wants his family back. I'm not ruling it out, but I'm not going back until I know for absolutely sure there has been change. If it takes years, then it does, but I will not rush back with him.

Thank you all for replying, and just know that I am here in spirit with you even though I don't comment on thread. Any of you are welcome to PM me at anytime.
 

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I'm with Dar on this one. I have a wonderful son and his father is just not so wonderful. But we have a good life and I just try not to give a lot of energy to the way I think it should have been - the child support, the visits, the general human response - ... because things are just fine. And yeah, some money would always help, but money comes and goes.
It is really good to hear stories of ex's who act like humans.
And it is really good to feel okay and fine with having an ex who just isn't up to par.
just my thoughts
 

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Thanks Wemoon!

I think one of the greatest things about this group is the diversity of all of our situations! We all have different perspectives and can offer opinions, thoughts and ideas that others, including the op, might not have even considered.
 

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i also feel out of place for the opposite reason. I have a wonderful dd and her father is in prison so i dont have to go through all of the money or fights. he has no rights (obviously), when we are in NC i see his family. I also read along and support all of you 100%, i just nevery really know what to say, b./c i dont go throught that. I know that all of you are strong and doing a great job with your kids.
 
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