[DaddyM]

Wife and I just had our first, a beautiful baby girl on Nov 16th. I can't believe she's four weeks old already! I still don't feel like a parent.

Background
So, it's been asked here a hundred times (and will continue to) but I'm going to ask using our specifics. Before we got married the wife and I tracked her CM and were pretty good at it (we think). We complied a few months of data before the wedding. We decided no matter where we were in the cycle on our honeymoon we weren't going to use BC. To our surprise it worked out that she had the signs of ovulation just over a week before the wedding.

The wedding wasn't too stressful on us, we did a small wedding. Anyways on the honeymoon the wife thought she felt slick CM but being our first time together we thought it could be sperm. Plus, as I said we didn't care either way. Well a few weeks later she misses and a few tests later we get a BFP.

Bulk of important stuff:
Well fast forward to today: We need to delay the next baby; we financially cannot afford another for at least two years (when the wife finishes college and gets a job). Currently the wife is exclusively breastfeeding. To the extent that for the last 3 weeks of school; I have taken the baby to school and cared for the baby while the wife is in class. Texting her to come get the baby when she gets hungry. The baby is also co-sleeping with us which we enjoy. Paige usually goes 30 mins to 4 hours during the day and 2 (rarely) to 6 (once) at night.

We aren't sure if we are following LAM because the wife is pumping occasionally after feeding to build a supply for later. Also our daughter is addicted to her pacifier. She would suck on mom and get upset when she got milk from one week old. At our two week the pediatrician (who is awesome) and midwife said "Give that baby a pacifier". Can those two things throw off the LAM? We are not supplementing any liquids or foods.

We aren't at the 6 week point yet but condoms (even lambskin ones) are getting old. We want to avoid hormones (for lots of reasons) and since NFP sort of failed us before we are hesitant to rely on it. We are thinking and talking about a couple options but nothing is final.
Do you think we can rely on LAM if we keep checking CM?

Edit: Wife is in her last semester of her BSN. She is 21 and I'm 26.

Also wife wants to know how to check for CM when she is still spotting.

 

[columbusmomma]

Could you check out: www.woomb.org ? I've always found this site so helpful!

 

[DaddyM]

It really comes down to if occasional pumping and a pacifier really hurt the process.

We've decided since the wife has to go to school in mid/late Jan and will have to pump. We'd only (and can only) use it till then. We have an OB appointment Thur or Friday to figure something else out.

 

[columbusmomma]

I would think the pumping(since it simulates a nursing session)will keep the menstrual cycle from returning, like the breastfeeding(of course only for a time until the body regulates itself and periods resume). If she is having a pacifier to replace a feeding then that could result in hormonal levels changing and increasing a chance at ovulation. I would think if she is just using the pacifier for the need to suck as babies enjoy and NOT replacing a feeding then this will not effect the return of your wife's period. Every woman is different and as we know, you can get pregnant while exclusively BFing, and ovulation can occur.
Could you speak with a lactation RN or have you read on Kellymom?
DH and I just watched my CM, no temping. We did use condoms though as we are trying to avoid and I get paranoid. My cycles returned when DD was 16 months. You can't predict 100%!

 

[DaddyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by columbusmomma I would think the pumping(since it simulates a nursing session)will keep the menstrual cycle from returning, like the breastfeeding(of course only for a time until the body regulates itself and periods resume).

That's what I figured with pumping.

Quote:

If she is having a pacifier to replace a feeding then that could result in hormonal levels changing and increasing a chance at ovulation. I would think if she is just using the pacifier for the need to suck as babies enjoy and NOT replacing a feeding then this will not effect the return of your wife's period.

Our baby LOVES to suck. We found her getting mad that milk was coming out. So we reluctantly gave her the pacifier. She L-O-V-E-S it. I don't think we are using it to skip meals though. She still eats on the above schedule. Will giving a baby a pacifier really cause them to skip eating? Seems like when she is hungry she spits it out and cries until she gets breast.

Quote:

Every woman is different and as we know, you can get pregnant while exclusively BFing, and ovulation can occur. Could you speak with a lactation RN or have you read on Kellymom? DH and I just watched my CM, no temping. We did use condoms though as we are trying to avoid and I get paranoid. My cycles returned when DD was 16 months. You can't predict 100%!

We were using condoms but wife has been dry, other then the spotting. Nothing like her o's before. So, last night we ditched the condoms. Baby is 4 weeks yesterday and we plan to start another BC in the next few weeks. Baby will continue to exclusively breast feed until mom goes back to school in mid/late Jan.

Guess we are just looking for reassurance.

 

[Twinklefae]

I really wouldn't chance it.

The Wikipedia article has good info about ecological breastfeeding, which are stricter than LAM.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ecological_Breastfeeding

 

[columbusmomma]

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyM That's what I figured with pumping. Our baby LOVES to suck. We found her getting mad that milk was coming out. So we reluctantly gave her the pacifier. She L-O-V-E-S it. I don't think we are using it to skip meals though. She still eats on the above schedule. Will giving a baby a pacifier really cause them to skip eating? Seems like when she is hungry she spits it out and cries until she gets breast. We were using condoms but wife has been dry, other then the spotting. Nothing like her o's before. So, last night we ditched the condoms. Baby is 4 weeks yesterday and we plan to start another BC in the next few weeks. Baby will continue to exclusively breast feed until mom goes back to school in mid/late Jan. Guess we are just looking for reassurance.

No she won't choose the pacifier over milkies!!!! I was meaning, if in general a pacifier is offered first to a baby, or instead of the milk, that that could cause a shift in hormonal levels since that would cause a mother to miss a normally planned feeding. I also agree with what Twinlkefae stated.....there's always that chance YKWIM?!

 

[DaddyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Twinklefae I really wouldn't chance it.

Wouldn't chance it because we are using a pacifier?

 

[columbusmomma]

I think she meant that LAM is never 100% effective....

 

[CanidFL]

No. You are not following the rules of LAM and therefore it would not be effective for you. Pacifiers and pumping do not qualify for LAM unfortunately. You are either probably stuck with condoms for now unless you decide to get an IUD. We used condoms for 9 months until my PPAF came back so I know it sucks.

I can understand not trusting NFP after what happened. Did you have any training in NFP or just winging it?

Are you DTD at 2 weeks PP? You said you aren't at 6 weeks yet and getting tired of condoms.

 

[Mosaic]

Agreed, pumping and pacifier use will affect her fertility, so it's not genuine LAM and I certainly wouldn't use it exclusively. I'd encourage you to keep watching her CM and definitely to check out the rules in TCOYF about anov. cycles... I don't remember all of them, but I do remember something like DTD only every other day and not before 6:00pm so that you can distinguish between fertile/nonfertile CM and semen. You can also do the "floats/sinks" test, but I have always found that kinda tricky.

I would also recommend temping. That only tells you about ovulation after the fact, but I know that anov. cycles can have patches of fertile CM which might drive you nuts without temps to tell you that nothing has happened yet. And yes, temps will be erratic with a newborn and crazy sleep schedules, but it's really not that hard to see the forest for the trees.

 

[DaddyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanidFL No. You are not following the rules of LAM and therefore it would not be effective for you. Pacifiers and pumping do not qualify for LAM unfortunately. You are either probably stuck with condoms for now unless you decide to get an IUD. We used condoms for 9 months until my PPAF came back so I know it sucks. I can understand not trusting NFP after what happened. Did you have any training in NFP or just winging it? Are you DTD at 2 weeks PP? You said you aren't at 6 weeks yet and getting tired of condoms.

Wife has only pumped after feedings. Baby has eaten at the breast for all but one (final exam) feeding. Pacifiers are daily, pobably shouldn't but she loves it. Today she actually hasn't wanted it.

As for nfp, we read the books and some websites. We wanted to take the course after the wedding, but that never became an issue.

Yes we DTD 2 1/2 weeks PP. Baby was 4 weeks Sunday and 1 month today.

 

[BarefootScientist]

First I just wanted to say you sound like an awesome hubby and dad.

People have already posted really good links and information. BUT IMO if your DD is exclusively breastfed and cosleeping, I really think, even with some pacifier use, it is very unlikely that your wife will ovulate before you get the other BC you mentioned in a few weeks. She can keep an eye on her CF and you can use a condom if it turns fertile. If she is still spotting from childbirth I don't think that counts as potentially fertile spotting.

I worked part-time when my DS was little, so he missed one or two feedings three or four times a week (I pumped) and he used a pacifier occasionally (not often) and I am just now getting my fertility back after 17 months. Even FF moms take 6-8 weeks, don't they? Hopefully some of this will reassure you.

It doesn't really sound as if NFP failed you exactly, it sounds like you just decided to DTD unprotected on your honeymoon regardless of the fertility signs. Right?

Good luck!

 

[DaddyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarefootScientist First I just wanted to say you sound like an awesome hubby and dad.

Thanks! I really try. My wife is awesome and why shouldn't I help as much as possible.

Quote:

People have already posted really good links and information. BUT IMO if your DD is exclusively breastfed and cosleeping, I really think, even with some pacifier use, it is very unlikely that your wife will ovulate before you get the other BC you mentioned in a few weeks. She can keep an eye on her CF and you can use a condom if it turns fertile. If she is still spotting from childbirth I don't think that counts as potentially fertile spotting.

That's what we figured. Gyn spot is Friday and we've talked to insurance and they cover 100% (my company has awesome insurance thanks to our contract).

Quote:

I worked part-time when my DS was little, so he missed one or two feedings three or four times a week (I pumped) and he used a pacifier occasionally (not often) and I am just now getting my fertility back after 17 months. Even FF moms take 6-8 weeks, don't they? Hopefully some of this will reassure you.

Honestly I don't know. I do know every woman is different and I've heard (read) it can come back as soon as 2 weeks. We plan to keep checking CM and using condoms when there is ANY doubt.

Quote:

It doesn't really sound as if NFP failed you exactly, it sounds like you just decided to DTD unprotected on your honeymoon regardless of the fertility signs. Right? Good luck!

Well, we planned to throw caution to the wind no matter what for the honeymoon, yes. But honestly I think had what happened done it the next month we'd have though her O passed and ended up with the same result. Wife did say it seemed like she Oed again but it could have been semen as I said before.

Thanks!

 

[CanidFL]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BarefootScientist Even FF moms take 6-8 weeks, don't they? Hopefully some of this will reassure you.

No, it can come back earlier than that

My friend is pregnant right now and she conceived 4 week pp. She was shocked. I was shocked.

OP - wow I can't believe you DTD so early PP. She must be recovering really well

If it were me, I would not rely on LAM if using a pacifier but it's up to you to decide what you are comfy with. I don't see the problem with using it although some people disagree. If she is nursing fine and takes the pacifier too than no big deal.

I agree you sound like a great dad and husband

 

[BarefootScientist]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CanidFL No, it can come back earlier than that My friend is pregnant right now and she conceived 4 week pp. She was shocked. I was shocked.

Wow.

: So her kids will be bout 9.5 months apart? That's crazy.

 

[oskie]

Congrats on the baby! November babies are the best! (ok, so I'm a little biased)

NFP is a great, extremely reliable BC method. LAM is trickier and the real problem is in the transition between when you're relying on LAM and when you've switched back to NFP.

She may see a return of fertility once she goes back to school because she probably won't be able to pump as often as she'd nurse if she were home. That's what happened with me - I pumped plenty to keep my son EBF after going back to work, but enough time lapsed between pumping sessions that I started cycling again. Well, sort of, because BF can still mess with things.

It took me a long time to get anything really reliable, which is why this transition time can be tough. Track CM and temps and err on the conservative side and you should be fine.

But if an oops baby will really ruin you financially, I'd try another form of birth control until she has her cycles back a little more reliably. Then you can get back to NFP without fear.

 

[DaddyM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by oskie Congrats on the baby! November babies are the best! (ok, so I'm a little biased) NFP is a great, extremely reliable BC method. LAM is trickier and the real problem is in the transition between when you're relying on LAM and when you've switched back to NFP. She may see a return of fertility once she goes back to school because she probably won't be able to pump as often as she'd nurse if she were home. That's what happened with me - I pumped plenty to keep my son EBF after going back to work, but enough time lapsed between pumping sessions that I started cycling again. Well, sort of, because BF can still mess with things. It took me a long time to get anything really reliable, which is why this transition time can be tough. Track CM and temps and err on the conservative side and you should be fine. But if an oops baby will really ruin you financially, I'd try another form of birth control until she has her cycles back a little more reliably. Then you can get back to NFP without fear.

I'm also biased. I'm a Nov baby.

Thanks for all the info!

We have a GYN appt on Friday.