leaving toddler overnight

1120 Views 12 Replies 12 Participants Last post by LiamnEmma, Oct 15, 2003

pegmom

Discussion Starter · Oct 8, 2003

I am sure there have been threads about this issue before, but I have missed out. Many of my friends have left there toddlers and older babies overnight on many occasions. I have one friend who told me a few weeks ago that she is palnning a trip to a different state for a week without her 18 mo son and leaving him with her father. The longest I have ever left my two year old--with his father-- is about five or six hours. Am I weird to not want to leave him overnight or is this just not a big deal? What is the current thinking about long periods of seperation from the primary caregiver?

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oceanbaby

· #2 · Oct 8, 2003

My son is 2.5, and in the last 6 months, I have been gone for as long as 8 hours during the day. Ds does absolutely fine with his dad. They have a great time, no issues with missing me, no crying, etc. Up until he was 1.5 or 2, I was almost always back by bedtime (now I don't have to be), and was usually gone no longer than 4 or 5 hours at a time.

I still have never left him overnight, although dh has encouraged me to just so I can get a full night's sleep! One time I went out to a wedding during the day, and ds stayed with dh. When I got home they were both asleep. I slept in the front bedroom, and it wasn't until 6am that ds started crying for me.

I think it depends on the child, but I'm still not totally comfortable with the idea of being gone overnight. And I certainly couldn't leave ds for longer than 4 or 5 hours with anyone other than dh. But that's just us.

I went to LA for the day a few weeks ago to see my dying grandmother, and on the shuttle bus was a young couple who told us that they were taking a weekend away from their 3 month old baby! They kept talking about how they felt that they should get away while they still could. And I was thinking, um, that was anytime up until 3 months ago! I could not fathom being away from ds when he was 3 months old, and they were flying somewhere, so it's not like they could run home if there was a problem. So obviously different people have much different ideas about when and how to long to leave their children.

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USAmma

· #3 · Oct 8, 2003

We are going to leave our toddler with friends when I go to have our new baby and are just talking to her about it and preparing her as best we can. I agree that leaving a 3 month old is terrible!! But I think an 18 month old could handle it if left with family or friends, but only if it was absolutely necessary. I have a working mom friend who has no choice but to travel sometimes, and flew her parents over from China for the first year of baby's life so they can care for her while she's gone.

Darshani

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oceanbaby

· #4 · Oct 8, 2003

I wanted to add that my mom was telling me that she had to be in the hospital with pneumonia for a week when I was about 2 or 2.5. I was still nursing at the time, and we coslept, and she remembers me doing just fine being with my dad. I certainly have no memories of it.

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stafl

· #5 · Oct 8, 2003

I have never left my 2.5 yr-old DD overnight, either. No way!
But that's just me. I'm sure she'd be fine with DH, though.
Everyone seems horrified (read that, my in-laws) that I'm planning on DD being there for the birth of her baby sister, but it's something that is very important to me.

Really, I don't think it's a big deal. I do think DD would be fine overnight without me, though I'm sure she'd start whining about wanting me at some point before bedtime. But I don't think either of us would sleep very well separated like that - I know I wouldn't!

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Trishy

· #6 · Oct 8, 2003

Ds has stayed overnight at my ILs twice, once just before he turned 2. I had to drive to South Carolina and back and it would have been miserable for both of us if he went along. The second time was last month. I was sick and dh was going out that way to see his dad so I asked him to drop ds over there to spend the night so I could rest. I'm considering taking him up there again in a few weeks so I can shampoo the carpets. It was so hard for me to have him go both times. I sat and cried for a while. Ds did great though, he is very happy with the ILs and I know they would never do anything that I would not approve of.

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luckylady

· #7 · Oct 9, 2003

My philosophy is that DD can stay over at grandma's when she asks to. I personally just don't feel comfortable otherwise.

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sparklemom

· #8 · Oct 11, 2003

my dds are 4 yrs and 2 1/2 yrs and i have never left them overnight. they adore my parents, but when it's time to go to bed no one will do except for 'mommy' which is just fine and wonderful with me. i've had many a travels before they were born and i plan many a more when they're older. but for now either we all go or we all stay...together.

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The Lucky One

· #9 · Oct 11, 2003

Ds is 21 months old and he has had 4 overnight trips with grandma and grandpa (gasp!).

He is every bit as comfortable with my mom as he is with me since they have spent alot of time together since birth. I feel 100% confident that he is content and well cared for when he is with them.

My dh works a very hectic job with long hours and we don't often get time alone. Those 4 overnight trips are the only time we've had alone together since he's been born. We've never used anyone else to babysit for an evening.

If you don't feel comfortable leaving your ds then by all means do not do it. I certainly wouldn't if I didn't. And when we do leave it is under the assumption that we can be called at a moments notice if needed and we never leave town. We are within fifteen minutes of him at all times.

Leaving your small child for a week at a time in another state I cannot fathom.

lisa

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CityGirl

· #10 · Oct 11, 2003

My daughter is two and I'm just getting to the point that I'd LOVE to hand her over to Grandma and go spend the night in a seaside B&B with my husband. she sleeps, basically, draped over my head all night, then attached to the breast from dawn till waking, and I just don't get much space, much sleep or much sex. I'd love a night away. And when I feel totally confident that it would be fine with dd, we'll do it.

I know a lot of people who do this with their toddlers and not one of them has ever told me it didn't work out.

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indiegirl

· #11 · Oct 14, 2003

My dd spent her first night alone after my miscarriage in Dec of 2002. She was 2.5. It went well and she loves staying at Grandma's house.

I think it depends on the kid and the parents. If you really want to go somewhere and you feel, in your heart, that the child will be fine and loved, then trust that and go with it. If not, don't.

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sleepies

· #12 · Oct 15, 2003

id love to let mine stay overnight somewhere, but no one i trust has volunteered, and i dont trust many in the first place.

i am sure it is normal to be uneasy letting them stay all night....

i am unwilling to do it, unless someone i trust offered, id still worry a bit too.

ps, mine is two and i haven't left him overnight...longest we have put him with someone else is 4 hours, my dh watches him 4-6 hours at a time on occasions .

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LiamnEmma

· #13 · Oct 15, 2003

Well, I work, my kids are in daycare, and I STILL don't want to leave them overnight!

They have, actually, spent one night with my father and his wife, about 6 months ago. ds had been asking, it was our anniversary, and my dad had been asking as well. I fretted and worried, I think Dad and Wife had a good time, and ds always asks when he can stay at Papa's house again....when Mama's ready!

: I just want them here with us at night. That's all.

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