[Jaydens_mom]

So my Ds's dad wrote me an email the other day out of NOWHERE and started asking how DS is and etc.. then he started talking about seeing him again ( refer to "do you think i did the right thing?" )

I wrote back and said " Well we will talk about that after you pay me back the $40 dollars you owe my S.O for gas", because we were driving my son 20 mins back and forth for visitation , for him....

He then has the indencency to write me back saying "well i did lend you $40 one time so you could go out with your friends... shouldn't that even us out?"

Ummmm woah... he had not even given be a penny for 2 years, nor acknowledged any of his sons bdays or xmas', and now he is trying to tell me "it should even out"?!?

I ended up writting him back a HUGE list of all the things MY money goes towards, not even touching on the subject of visitation...

I just don't understand how in his stupid little head, it EVENS out

 

[sehbub]

So sorry, mama! That sucks!

 

[Flor]

Woah. Don't start bring money into the visitation picture. That will get ugly, and judges don't like that either. Plus, many judges make you each do 50% of transportation even if one moved away.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

I have no intents on ever bringing him to court ( and i never have brought him to court )... If he want's to take me that's fine but I doubt he will..

It's not ME he owes the money too, its my S/O because he promised HIM through ME that he would pay him back.

So my S/O refuses to drive my son over until he sees the money Ds's Dad owes him first

When i wrote him the list i also wrote at the bottom... " i have no problem paying for this stuff, and i don't NEED you to help, as I am fully capable of doing it myself.... but don't start talking to ME about money, because you have no place to "

 

[flapjack]

Unfortunately, Flor has a point. Unfair, isn't it?

The only thing I can really suggest is that you say as little as possible, let it all roll over you and keep believing that if you can manage not to lose your temper then there's some seriously good karma coming back to you next time around.
And don't ever drive your DS for visitation unless a court has specifically told you to. It just leads to feeling guilty and abused and lots of heartache, especially if there's tears when you go away.

 

[Jaydens_mom]

Because of the situation, with his dad not having a license or vehicle, its much more cheaper for us to drive DS and him pay us back for gas, then it is for him to take the bus back and forth 2 times a weekend at $20 a ticket...

I realize we SHOULDN'T BE, but we are because I wanted to make things easier on his dad to see him.

 

[flapjack]

Yep. I know. BTDT. It didn't work out well for us, either, which is why I have such strong opinions on it.

 

[*caitlinsmom*]

Jayden's mom

to you.
It is so hard to see little ones suffer because one of their parents is so irresponsible, isn't it? I've been watching my brother and his two DS go through this for years now. His EX wife sounds just like your ex partner.

*lawyer hat on*

Please be very careful in your email communications with your ex. Remember that these communications can all be saved and printed and could be used against you in the future, in the event that your ex decides someday to establish paternity and ask for visitation, or, heaven forbid, custody of your DS. Please also remember that his family could decide that they want to be involved and could push your ex into pursuing this and fund it too... that's what happened with my brother's exwife. sometimes, it really is better NOT to put things in writting.

*lawyer hat off*

I can understand how you feel about wanting to protect your DS... that's all my brother ever wanted to do too... protect his two from the dissapointment of being neglected/rejected by mom again.

:

 

[Jaydens_mom]

I have actually been watching everrrryyything i say in my emails because I AM saving them incase i need them for future use... i doubt he is though. It is not like him to think of something so important and obvious.

Up until today i haven't even mentioned visitation.. and i have stressed MULTIPLE times in those emails, that i am NOT in need of his child support money, and that i have the money and the resources to provide DS with EVERYTHING he needs with or without his help.

Today,
I told him that he is allowed to see his son all he wants, but DS will not be spending the night until he is capable of providing Ds with a bed to sleep on, transportation to and from my house for visitation, and until he gets a phone installed so that incase of an emergency he can get ds the fastest medical attention, and inform me of what has happened.
I have also requested that I meet his new GF, and perhaps have a civil talk with her in regaurds to disciplining my son ( she is not to spank or hit him and etc ) if she is going to be helping him care for DS during visits ( as i know Ds's father will leave DS with her while he sleeps or goes to the store )

I have kept my emails VERY formal and to the point. They will benefit ME more than HIM when they are presented in court.