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On many preemie boards that I frequent, inevitably a thread appears that somehow turns into a nasty debate on who had the worse experience as a preemie, or a premature babies mother.

Inevitably, it's between a mother of a child who was born in the high 30's and was in the NICU for x days (not months) and a child who was a micro preemie with countless surgeries. it's always turns ugly, and the micro preemie mom says that the other one has no idea etc etc.

Can we all agree NOT TO LET THIS HAPPEN HERE?

we are a sisterhood sharing the same path - and I firmly believe that any mother who fears for her child's life is walking the same path, regardless of how critical.

Can we can agree that there are degrees of illness, and have compassion for one another? and, not get into the whose pain is worse game??

I only post this ahead of time, because these other threads I talk about end up here, and I thought I would only save us all the pain and trouble of starting HERE, first.

what do think?

Stella
 

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I totally agree.

All of us who have been through the NICU ringer have something different to bring to the table. Just because my daughter was born at six weeks greater gestation than your DC, doesn't make me any less of a NICU parent, nor does it mean that someone who had a full term babe spend time in the NICU for complications doesn't deserve to be here.

Only those of us who have lived the hell, regardless of time frame, can understand what it's like, and this of all places needs to be one of compassion and support.

This is too big an event to weather alone.

Thank you so much.
 

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Stelllaaaa! Oh Stella.
Ok got that out of my system, do that to every Stella I meet IRL so had to do it here!
If it annoys you, you are right.

Anyhow, my feelings are as a micro mama, if you spent one day in the nicu that one day too many. You lived a nightmare, even if its a shorter duration so you have every right to post here.

Keep in mind, my daughter is a 25 weeker, actually a 24 weeker and she is doing great. She left unscathed. I know many mamas here who have 30 weekers, 35 weekers who have issues I cannot begin to even think about.

After Maggie was born (shebub was/is in my DDC) I received pms and emails from all over the country and 2 other nations. some from earlier due date clubs and others from mine. I had questions from mamas who had preemies, mamas whose friends or family were having preemies and would I talk to them, nursing preemie mamas, you name it. They had questions and a few times some downplayed their child's condition since mine was earlier! I realized we needed a place to call our own and then I found out others had tried as well.

I agree and also remember- EVERY PARENT in the NICU has their own cross to bear. Their child maybe near FT but has a terrible heart condition, or their child is doing great but mama cannot pump her milk and is devasted. Or a beautiful baby comes in and looks pretty full term and then is hooked up to the high fregnt vent and then you witness as his parents are told he will die and not live. Their nicu experience was less than a day but man they experienced it.
 

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Thank you Stella. I sometimes worry about that, since my daughter was so much closer to full term than many others here. She was 33 weeks, and that is a very different experience than a 24 or 25 weeker. We did have some problems, but nothing lingering, it seems, excpet for her overall small size. Still, the NICU time is fresh in my mind and haunts me. It is a huge part of our fear to ever have another child (especially since my first was 36 weeks, then 33, I worry that the next could be even earlier).

I really envision this as a place of support, not as a pissing contest about who has had the harder road. I'm totally willing to admit that many people had harder roads than I did, but I still think that I would like to discuss and get support for the things our family went through. And I'd love to be able to help anyone in a similar situation. In fact, I often go to the ddc's of people due in the next few months to look for people who might be in PTL.
 

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ITA. I had a hard time with our stay and am having continuing issues with bf'ing, but when I read about some of the other mamas' experiences here, I can honestly say that I have no clue what you gals are going through. And at the same time, some of you might have micro preemies but are able to bf them now and are not dealing with supply issues so you have no clue what I'm going through. All of it is hell, though.
 
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