[purslaine]

what is your opinion on "getting counselling" Does it work? Was it worth it? Did you have a hard time getting DP to go, and what is his opinion now?

I have never been to couples counselling - although I have come close, twice.

I have read a lot though, and spoken to people IRL - many do not think counselling is that great (with a few exceptions)

What do you think?

Kathy

 

[DariusMom]

I think it saved my marriage. I only wish we'd gone sooner, rather than waiting till we were on the verge of divorce! A lot of issues could have been resolved or worked through and compromised on much sooner, sparing us all a great deal of pain.

I think it can take some time to find the right counselor. Not everyone clicks with every counselor. I would give it two or three sessions and, if it's not clicking, look for someone else. I will say that, with our current counselor, I really had to force myself to go to the third session because I really didn't like his approach and he irritated me. But he had come highly recommended by our first counselor, so we promised ourselves to give him three sessions. I have to say that we've come a *long* way with him and he's probably helped us much more than first counselor, who we both liked a lot. All this to say, it can take some effort to find someone who works for you. Don't give up.

I don't think it can hurt to see a counselor and it might help.

Good luck!

 

[sea_joy]

It is ALWAYS worth a try. I would keep in mind that not all councillors are created equal. Think about what kind you want. Go on the internet and check out your options. I can tell a lot by someone's picture.

I would pick a man to be my councillor, because men generally feel more comfortable speaking with men. They are not being "dragged" to see some lady about how much they have to change for their wife.

Just a suggestion, IMO. You can also go to a councillor, and if they don't feel "right" go to another one. You can try Councillors, therapists, phsychologists, and even psychiatrists for couples therapy.

Good Luck,
Crystal

It worked for us

 

[NotTheOnlyOne]

I did it with my ex-dh. While it didnt really help us get "better," It did put a lot of things into perpective and helped me realize that we would never truly be happy together.

With my current dh, we did a marriage course prior to getting married. I think that has helped us tremedously. We communicate SO much better now.

 

[accountclosed3]

it really depends upon the couple.

my husband and i have never been to coucelling together, but we highly value it individually. my husband was in councelling for two years before we met, and i was in for one. it was excellent for both of us individually, and we've used many of the skills that we learned there as a couple.

what makes councelling great is when you really 'click' with yoru councellor. the person needs to be someone whom you trust and like, or you're not going to be honest. it also helps if you like their treatment philosophy or perspective. sometimes, you just get lucky--but there are lots of different methods of councelling out there and some people respond to this sort better than that sort. so, it's good to know what your philosophy or perspective of councelling is and whether that will fit with your councellor.

and, for it to really work, you have to be willing to be totally honest, totally open, and definitely willing to do the work. at the individual level, this may be easy--and i think it might be harder in a setting with another person. like i said, i've never done couples.

but individual is great, it works wonders, and i highly recommend it.

 

[GuildJenn]

I've never been to couples counselling but I'm a big fan of individual counselling - provided you find the right one. I had a bad experience and after that I interviewed several on the phone and made initial appointments with three to find the one I liked - and she was a lifesaver, pretty literally.

 

[purslaine]

Thank you!

Nice to see you all hadpositive results....

Kathy
(and I will keep in mind the advice about how male counsellors may be less threattenning to men

)

 

[queencarr]

We have done counseling as a couple 3x in the 12 years that we have been married. The first and 3rd times were intentionally to work on marital issues, the second was initially to work on grief issues regarding our daughter's stillbirth but evolved into similar issues as the other times. We found that grieving together gave us a closeness to work on some of the harder issues. The first and 3rd times, they were ultimatum situations, and I really felt that as part of the process for dh was to locate a counselor and schedule the sessions (both counselors agreed with me after the fact that this was an important step for him to be able to do so). Dh had some personal issues that were spilling over into our married life, and we could no longer function as couple if they were not being dealt with, and I need to not be responsible for them anymore. We clicked best with counselor #2 and #3. Both were personal friends as well as licensed counselors, and that was a much better fit for DH than the hired counselor for time #1. We did well with the hired guy, but there was an accountability and trust with the people we had a personal relationship with. Dh also saw all 3 on an individual basis simultaneously as well.

For us, counseling saved our marriage--I am convinced of it. Not only did it help dh get things together and worked through, it helped me to feel that he was interested in doing so, took things as seriously as I was, and allowed me to see some things from a different perspective. we have an ongoing relationship with counselor #3, although it has been almost 2 years since we have seen him in that capacity as a couple. He occasionally touches base and checks in about the issues we spoke about in session, which is very helpful.