Letting friends hold the baby?

we have a big community here with lots of gatherings and i always loved how the babies had these awesome social lives...being passed around from person to person around the party...they really get around and they seem to grow up to be really social awesome little kids. i just couldn't wait to have my own babe have the same experiences. so now when we go to a shindig i just pass her off and she gets to enjoy and be enjoyed.

i was also hoping it would help with any stranger anxiety that is so normal in babes. funny thing that seems to be happening is that when we're at our house and a visitor comes, she just melts and NEEEDS mom. but if we're out or have a party type situation going on at home she could care less. strange, these kids.

i think it's good for them to experience alot of people IF they are comfortable with it AND if you are. if you don;t want her passed off you could put her in a sling, people tend to keep away when they are obviously stuck to you.

I don't like to pass my babies around. On day 1 of my child development class, my favorite early childhood ed professor told us a story of when her son was born and her favorite professor visited. She asked if he wanted to hold the baby. He declined and told her not to pass her baby around, that it was important for babies to bond with their parents. I always think of that. I really don't know how long that should last, but I just do what feels right.

I took my dd's to a neighbor's house for a playdate for my 5 yo, and the mom wanted to hold my 4 mo., I could tell. I needed help at the moment anyhow because I needed to get myself out of the sling and my coat and take off my boots and all that good stuff, so I asked her to hold her for a minute. This turned into 15 minutes or so, and I found myself "on guard" the whole time and so relieved to get her back. I like this woman a lot, but I don't let go very easily.

When we get to my parents' house, the first thing I do is hand her to my mom. That's different. My mom will give her back as soon as she fusses. With dh's family, I hang on to her because there have been times with my older one where she cried and MIL won't give her back and MIL has "allergies" and often visits with us when her health is questionable, to say the least. If I see that MIL is actually healthy, I'll pass her around as much as she will tolerate, for short visits.

Once my older dd was old enough to walk/crawl and wanted to be on the floor more than held, I knew she could get back to me and was more ready to branch out, so I never minded her visiting with others then. Funny thing is that MIL used to act like she was going to be so shy and that I was doing her a disservice by taking her back as soon as she cried, and my older dd is such a social butterfly at family gatherings. Turns out that my hubby and his siblings used to hide behind MIL at family gatherings according to dh's family, so they can't believe how social my dd is. I just smile and giggle on the inside. I think that if you build that bond and that trust early on, they have an easier time separating later on.

3 months is just a very social age. DS is also finally developing an appreciation for daddy and giving him a big smile when he sees daddy show up. He has started to pay more attention to his sister and has started tracking our cats, even. When we go out I put him in a mei tai and he is always watching other people, waiting for them to look at him so he can flirt with them. He loves when people notice him and talk to him!

My DD was the same way, once she got to this age she started to really enjoy other people, loved to do her baby flirting with them. She is still very social and can strike up a conversation with anyone, but also still very, very attached to mommy.

mkksmom, how old was the baby in that story? Because IMO, there is a big difference between a newborn and a 3- or 4-month old baby. A newborn does need to bond, for sure, but at 3 months they know for sure who their parents and regular people are.

I will pass my 3month old around at family gatherings; I really couldn't get away with not, especially as he is such a happy baby. I get him back though if he is not quickly soothed, or is tired, or needs to be fed; because among other people I am the only one can do all of those things. FWIW, my FIL is really great with him, soothing him and getting him to sleep, which surprised me, and my MIL has a harder time doing either one (partly I think, because she can't stop kissing his head which both irks me to pieces -because I would hate someone doing that to me - and bothers DS as how is he supposed to sleep or calm down if someone keeps kissing his head???)

The feeding thing, only I can do, thank goodness, and I don't ever bring a bottle of expressed milk unless I am going to leave him at my mom's or MIL's while DH and I go out. otherwise I wouldn't get to hold him at all!

It is hard to let go, I admit, but since I am a WOHM some days, I need him to be soothed and comforted by people other than me. I don't like it, but I take comfort - and some amount of guilty pride, I admit - that no one soothes him and makes him happier than his mama.

don't you just love that private little smile they have just for you? DS has just started this and it warms my heart!