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Mamas, I am struggling trying to believe that this is MY life. That sounds rather uppity, but really I thought I had it all planned out. Everything is upside down now.

My DH lost his job, took nearly a year to find anything else. We had to sell our house (not at a loss, but just breaking even). We had to sell a car (at a huge loss). Now my DH has a freelance job (which I'm thankful for), but it is very shaky because his industry seems one second away from collapse. We have to be out of our home in 2 months.

I am thankful that we still have 2 incomes and are healthy. Well, that's what I tell myself. But inside I'm furious and depressed. We've lost our home that we worked sooo hard on. It is perfect for the 3 of us and we had to basically hand it over to some oportunistic buyer for $40,000 less than asking price. My entire life is here in this town and now we will barely be able to afford to rent here. We can't buy another house now, so we have to rent. I'm afraid DH will lose his job again, so I have to base our rent on MY income. Which, while not bad, isn't great for this area. So we are looking at basement apartments or small condos. We have a freaking house-full of belongings. I can't fathom going back into a little apartment. For the record, we worked for years to get where we were only to be knocked back down.


I know it sounds awful to say this, but I feel like after all this hard work I deserve to be able to afford a decent home for my child! I'm not 25, I'm almost 40! And I feel humiliated (kind of) in front of my friends and family. Every.single.one of them owns their own (very nice) home. And us losers have to move to a basement apartment.
My poor little kid, what have we done. It would be different if other people around here were in the same predicament, but from what I can see, it is just us. And people look at us like we have 3 heads when we say we are going to rent. I already have problems with depression. I can imagine how depressed I'm going to get sitting in a little apartment up on the 14th floor of some run-down building. Sigh. (we can't leave the area because my DH's job is here).

Thanks for listening to me whine.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommahhh View Post
Mamas, I am struggling trying to believe that this is MY life. That sounds rather uppity, but really I thought I had it all planned out. Everything is upside down now.
Not uppity at all. I can totally understand how frustated you must feel. I hope your friends and family learn to be more understanding as they might find that you are just the first family to feel the effects of this economic climate and they will feel the pinch too.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mommahhh View Post
My poor little kid, what have we done.
I know how you feel. I sometimes feel so bad that I have screwed up our lives so badly and my poor kiddos have to live a crummy poor life. Then I look at how happy they are and realise they don't care about the same things I do, and they are happy because they are loved, well fed and have fun playing with a cardboard box!
 

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. I have similiar frustrations and feel like a failure. I'm no where near where I thought I'd be. All of my (younger!) friends own houses. I get very depressed over our financial situation. I hope things start to get better for you very soon. There's no where to go but UP, right?
 

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I'm crashing your party. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I've been on the verge of tears all day because it's my mom's 80th bday, and while she is hale and hearty, it kills me to think she may not be around when we are finally "ok". My family is so generous to us and have helped so much, but I can't keep accepting their generosity - it's making me feel bad. The saddest thing is that we had such a leg up when we were first married. And last year we got a huge disbursement from a family trust...which we ended up living on. Now it's all gone, we're renting a small house, and we're struggling to put food on the table. And I'm close to 40 too. Not how I imagined my life turning out. I grew up in a wealthy family, am well educated, married an ambitious go-getter of a man...what the hell happened?? Can I have a party hat now?
 

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Party hat please... This is totally not where I saw myself. My family is offering to help us buy a house, which is totally generous, but just emotionally reminds me of where we are not. I just keep reminding myself about our infamous 5 year plan.
 

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I know several people in your spot, and we often wonder when it will happen to us.

We have some ideas we're working on in case it happens, and those plans (as loose as they are) warms me. I know I would not stay where I am. It's lovely here, but it's so damn cold.

Dh & I often talk about how one could possibly make lemonade from rotted and moldy lemons. We aren't sure how it would work, really. It's an unknown. But we'd all still be together and that's the thing, right?

Life is crazy, for sure. Much luck and new beginnings to you.
 

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Huge hugs!!! While we're not exactly where you are, we are selling our house, moving 2 states away and basically restarting our lives. My dh left his well paying corporate job of 10yrs last month & I'm now the 'breadwinner' working 3 12hr night shifts/week mostly for the health insurance. Not at ALL what I expected. But, the most important thing to remember is your family is still together and it' snot forever, things WILL change!!!!!!! I also really believe that everything in life is sent to us for a reason, and for us to learn something from it.
 

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s Been there, done that...still kinda doing it! It's hard, especially when you come from a family where you where always secure financially. I never in a million years imagined that I'd lose a house in a bankruptcy and have to start from scratch at a time when I should own a nice home and cars like all my friends and family. I couldn't imagine living in an apartment again either and fortunately we were able to find a teeny tiny house w/ a basement and a garage to stick all our junk in. And it was cheaper than an apartment! You get used to renting and year or so into it you kinda get over the "UGH, I have to RENT again? Why me?" feelings.

The nice thing is, we've learned to budget really well, learned to live credit card free, and I've learned to make lots of stuff we couldn't afford at the store...deoderant, soap, cloth wipes, etc. And we are so much happier this way. And since we've been through hell and back, I'm not afraid of it happening again...I don't live w/ that fear like I used to. We lost everything once and yeah, it sucks, but I lived through it and I'd make it through it again. You really stop taking things for granted and appreciate every little thing that comes to you in life.

So hang in there. When you look back on this you'll realize you much you've grown and learned from such a bad situation and you'll be so much stronger for it.
 

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I want to add my "I get how you feel" understanding. We bought this house last year thinking we'd "made it" to our own spot. It turns out so much has happened with everything that, while we have learned a great deal, we're also having to give the house back and move because that's the course of things. None of us are thrilled about it at all. My hope is that somewhere on the other side of all these changes things are going to be even better and we'll have joys we don't have now.

I am learning more and more that life isn't about "being set" so much as it's about going with the flow and living on the positive side. That's how I see it anyways.
 

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It will get better!

As for not seeing anyone around you struggle...

Lots of people hide their money problems. Look at the credit problems the country has! We've learned from our friends and family that just because it looks like someone is doing well, it doesn't mean they aren't struggling privately. Some people sacrifice everything to maintain the facade.
 
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