Little bit nervous about #2...

607 Views 5 Replies 5 Participants Last post by L.J., Jun 25, 2004

cinnamonamon

Discussion Starter · Jun 19, 2004

Not about all aspects (at least at the moment!), but about the amount of care entailed. My ds was what I consider borderline high needs. I joked to my mom that I am getting the "hard" one done first when I have all the time, and the one on the way should be easier...

First of all, I feel guilty just saying that. Not because it's rude to my ds -- I love him to bits & recognize that he is what he is -- I wouldn't change it for the world as I can already see what a neat kid/adult he is going to be! So opinionated & strong & confident in his own decisions, kwim? What scares me is that the next baby will be just the same and I won't be able to shower him/her with the same amount of attention...THEN I start feeling guilty for even thinking that my baby won't be perfect -- what if (s)he IS a high needs baby -- and I think "when I was pregnant I hoped/prayed you wouldn't be like this..." As if I only want a baby on MY terms, yk?

I dunno; I think my preggo brain is making me

... ds is waking gotta run

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oceanbaby

· #2 · Jun 19, 2004

I had to laugh when I read your post, because those are the exact same kind of thoughts that run through my head. I wouldn't call my first ds high needs, but he is definitely a piece of work. He has always been a happy baby/kid, but not always an easy one.

So I think, OMG, what if this baby is just as hard? I can't spend 3 hours sitting on the recliner nursing and sleeping with the baby like I did with ds. Guilt. What if this baby is even harder than ds - colicky or whatever? I'll be neglecting ds, and more stressed out towards the baby. Guilt. What if this baby is totally easy, sleeps all the time, just sits and smiles? I'll secretly wish that ds had been like this. Guilt.

There may be a lot of aspects of parenting that I am still learning, but the mommy guilt I have got down pat!

For what it's worth, I think that most every parent hopes for a baby that is easier rather than one that is harder. I don't know any mom that says "I hope this baby is up all night, cries no matter what I do, and wants to nurse 24/7!"

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Boadicea

· #3 · Jun 19, 2004

I was in your shoes not too long ago ... pregnant and wondering how in the h*ll I was going to deal with a new baby and spirited DS. But you make it work. And you appreciate each baby for his/her own personality, gifts, etc.

And yes, there are times that I still pull my hair out because I feel like I can't be everything to everybody, especially when those bodies need SOOO much of me. But, like I said, you make it work. You'll find your own way.

Congratulations on the new baby! And good luck!

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cinnamonamon

Discussion Starter · #4 · Jun 19, 2004

Thanks, ladies... a bit of reassurance every now & then is wonderful! Especially since my dh is completely useless when it comes to understanding & helping w/ ds... Some days I think he stays that way purposely...

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Naughty Dingo

· #5 · Jun 25, 2004

You know what, I had the same concerns. It was really overwhelming actually. What I didn't give myself enough credit for was the amazing amount of skills and sensitivity that my high needs first baby taught me. I am blessed with a mellow second baby but I can totally "read" her and know what her needs are. That is something a high needs child will teach you. I also have the skills to soothe her when she needs it and you will too, no matter what your second babe will be like.

I am excited for you, it will be wonderful. You will see Mama.

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L.J.

· #6 · Jun 25, 2004

My oldest was high needs & I definitely had concerns about how I would manage two kids (especially since I also became a single mom while pregnant with #2). My second is definitely more easy going but there are always challenges with two kids. There were times when the oldest was upset & had to wait, there are times when my youngest was upset and had to wait, it's just the reality of having more than one child.

I know that with my first I probably did too much for him and with him. I think it's been good for all of us to have my time split between them. My oldest became a lot more independent & I realized he could do a lot more for himself than I ever let him. I have been a lot more relaxed & easy going with my second and he does a lot of things for himself because he gets tired of waiting for me to come do it for him.

I think it's normal to have concerns about a new family member. Your child will bring a whole new personality to the dynamic. There are adjustments, there are good times & there are struggles, but your life will be forever better for sharing it with this child.

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