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I suspect that my DH is on the spectrum, though he's extremely high-functioning. We own our own business, we've been married six years, he's well liked by most people, he's a computer genius, etc. However, he has some serious sensory issues - is it normal for a man to cuss out his wife when they're newlyweds because she put lotion on his face?
He also has a near pathological fear of pumpkin innards and mushrooms. He has told me that he finds eye contact "threatening," and his main response when I'm upset and crying is to either (1) walk out of the room, (2) tell me to just stop worrying about it, or (3) become really angry at me. However, he's very patient and kind when our kids are upset, even though if he's not dealing directly with them he doesn't notice they're upset (like the earlier poster mentioned, it doesn't tear him up to hear a baby crying from a room away). I think he can remain so calm because it doesn't particularly affect him because he doesn't feel empathy in general. His sister works at a school for autistic children and she agrees with me that he's probably an undiagnosed case of aspergers. He doesn't understand general conversational structure, and is very confused when strangers keep talking to him in stores or at restaurants - he just doesn't "get it" that when he continues to ask questions of them, they will continue to talk to him. When we have family over for dinner, he often has to go stand out in the yard by himself for awhile because he finds it overwhelming (this is our family of four plus my parents, grandmother and sister - so a group of eight total). We'd planned on having 4-5 kids, but he says he finds having two children "overwhelming" even though he works until 6pm every day and they go to bed at 8pm.

Its tough. When we were first married I chalked a lot of this up to the fact that he'd never had a roommate or apartment mate before me, he was the golden boy of his family and excused from most responsibilities, and the fact that he's a genius makes one often say "Oh, he's just somewhat eccentric because he's so much smarter than the rest of us!" Plus, I'm sure its helped that he's always been really freaking attractive!

Since we've gotten married I think I've helped teach him to observe some social "rules" and such, but its still surprising and a little upsetting to me when my three year old asks him how his day was at dinner and I then have to remind DH to ask DS how his day was in return... just the little basic social interactions like that are lost on him. I asked him every day for about the first four years of our marriage at dinner what the best part of his day was before he ever reciprocated!

So, others in relationships like this, how do you deal with always feeling like you're giving and giving and giving without getting much (emotionally) in return? Can you move past the loneliness? Do you just find ways to fill that need for intimacy through other relationships? For example, we recently moved cross country to be closer to my parents and his parents, partly because DH realized that he couldn't fulfill my emotional needs and was hoping that being near other family I wouldn't be so lonely. It has helped, but I still can't help feeling rejected that he never asks how I am or notices when I need help or offers any love or support without me specifically asking - but I am getting better about saying "hey! I really could use a hug and some support, I've having a tough day and that's why I'm crying right now." And, of course, part of me always wonders if I'm just a super-needy-totally-annoying bitch to want/need so much more attention than he's able to give.
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