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I would tread really carefully in the territory where ASD is being used almost interchangeably for a*hole. I have known more than one woman convinced she was married to a man who was borderline Asperger's when in fact the man was manipulative and unkind in ways that would be very atypical for a person with the diagnosis because the negative behaviors they were exhibiting actually indicated a great deal of social understanding.

Yes, folks with ASD can have trouble reading social cues in ways that can be challenging in a relationship, but there are also people that are simply unkind jerks. I don't think it is helpful to the many kind people with ASD to lump it in with being a jerk.

 

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Originally Posted by pazerific dh wants to persue a professional dx, but i am reluctant. when we last discussed it (about a week ago) i told him i'm concerned that it would somehow hold him back or get him feeling down to have that official label. i also worry that it would become some sort of crutch for him.

Has he had any kind of therapy? I would put the focus not so much on the diagnosis because that only provides so much information, but on identifying specific goals he has for himself and finding ways to get help working on those. I would suggest finding a therapist who has worked with people with autism spectrum concerns who is open to helping him. Cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful to many people.