i'm so glad to see this thread. both dh and i think he is an aspie, although he's never been formally diagnosed. he's very much like the other DP's in everyone's posts. he's a very loving father and spouse, a good provider, funny, handsome, artistic, extremely intelligent, and so much more.
he's really into collecting things. when we first got together, i was shocked to see all the crap he collected, from comic books, to sports cards, action figures, cds, etc. i could go on and on. he's very organized with his stored items (god forbid a cd is in the wrong spot), but everything else is sort of an organized chaos. messes drive him nuts, but he has a hard time just getting rid of stuff. he's not a pack rat, but i feel like there's a lot around the house that's just not necessary.
he's got some sensory issues that at first i thought he was exaggerating about. he will freak the heck out if he gets anything semi-permanent on his body. (want to see him fly off the handle--pretend you're going to write on him with a sharpie marker! he'll never talk to you again if you actually do it. seriously.) he hates putting lotion on, and in the winter time he will only allow me to put some on his hands when his knuckles are literally cracked and bleeding. he's really particular about clothing. it's gotta be just so, or he won't have anything to do with it. this in itself has presented a problem because he wears one particular item *to death* and really refuses to let it go/replace it until the item looks like shredded cheese cloth. i'm not joking. at first i thought it was just some sort of eccetricity, but now i worry that he would think it's acceptable to show up to a PTA meeting (or some other function for our dd) in a holey shirt and not understand why dd or i am embarrassed.
one of our biggest hurdles throughout our relationship has been his interactions with extended family members (i.e. our families of origin). it's so strange, because he really loves them so much, and wants to spend time around them. but when we're with them he's so anxious/overwhelmed and ends up getting angry over something that no one else gets, or just doesn't get it when he says something upsetting to someone else. he himself says he doesn't understand why family gatherings almost always seem to go awry and feels frustrated with the perception that he's a jerk. and i feel embarrassed that he seems like he just doesn't know how to act sometimes. he also has a really hard time making friends, which really bums me out, because he's such an awesome person and so deserving of friendships outside of our marriage.
dh wants to persue a professional dx, but i am reluctant. when we last discussed it (about a week ago) i told him i'm concerned that it would somehow hold him back or get him feeling down to have that official label. i also worry that it would become some sort of crutch for him. he feels like it would validate him and give him something more to work with, and just give him a better understanding of himself. the conversation ended with me saying, "i can see why you would want to be dx'd, and if that's what you choose, then i support you in that." i still have mixed emotions about it though.
please don't take this as me bashing him. i suffer from depression from time to time, and i would never be upset with him for needing a place to be able to talk openly about the struggles of being partnered with someone who has mood problems. that's what i see going on in this thread, not "bashing". thanks for starting this beansavi!
he's really into collecting things. when we first got together, i was shocked to see all the crap he collected, from comic books, to sports cards, action figures, cds, etc. i could go on and on. he's very organized with his stored items (god forbid a cd is in the wrong spot), but everything else is sort of an organized chaos. messes drive him nuts, but he has a hard time just getting rid of stuff. he's not a pack rat, but i feel like there's a lot around the house that's just not necessary.
he's got some sensory issues that at first i thought he was exaggerating about. he will freak the heck out if he gets anything semi-permanent on his body. (want to see him fly off the handle--pretend you're going to write on him with a sharpie marker! he'll never talk to you again if you actually do it. seriously.) he hates putting lotion on, and in the winter time he will only allow me to put some on his hands when his knuckles are literally cracked and bleeding. he's really particular about clothing. it's gotta be just so, or he won't have anything to do with it. this in itself has presented a problem because he wears one particular item *to death* and really refuses to let it go/replace it until the item looks like shredded cheese cloth. i'm not joking. at first i thought it was just some sort of eccetricity, but now i worry that he would think it's acceptable to show up to a PTA meeting (or some other function for our dd) in a holey shirt and not understand why dd or i am embarrassed.
one of our biggest hurdles throughout our relationship has been his interactions with extended family members (i.e. our families of origin). it's so strange, because he really loves them so much, and wants to spend time around them. but when we're with them he's so anxious/overwhelmed and ends up getting angry over something that no one else gets, or just doesn't get it when he says something upsetting to someone else. he himself says he doesn't understand why family gatherings almost always seem to go awry and feels frustrated with the perception that he's a jerk. and i feel embarrassed that he seems like he just doesn't know how to act sometimes. he also has a really hard time making friends, which really bums me out, because he's such an awesome person and so deserving of friendships outside of our marriage.
dh wants to persue a professional dx, but i am reluctant. when we last discussed it (about a week ago) i told him i'm concerned that it would somehow hold him back or get him feeling down to have that official label. i also worry that it would become some sort of crutch for him. he feels like it would validate him and give him something more to work with, and just give him a better understanding of himself. the conversation ended with me saying, "i can see why you would want to be dx'd, and if that's what you choose, then i support you in that." i still have mixed emotions about it though.
please don't take this as me bashing him. i suffer from depression from time to time, and i would never be upset with him for needing a place to be able to talk openly about the struggles of being partnered with someone who has mood problems. that's what i see going on in this thread, not "bashing". thanks for starting this beansavi!
