[MarcyC]

I'll start with a positive...
I have an online friend who is a LLL Leader. We met on a "mainstream" board and we still both post there frequently. She sent me a message that the breastfeeding advice I've been giving moms has been really good.

Gave me the warm fuzzies! After all the struggles I've had personally, at least I've learned something and hopefully can help others.

Now the negative...
I love love love my LLL Leader. Honestly, if it weren't for her, I probably would have given up nursing. Instead, it's been 16 months in SNS-hell...LOL! But at least we're still nursing. I'm still producing milk (I've only had one cycle) and of course, we've been able to reduce her supplements drastically. However, the last meeting I went to, I felt like I was the the "Who Is the Crunchiest Most AP Mom contest." Granted, the leader has two kids (both older, no nurslings), then there is me (2 older, 1 nursling). The other two girls only have one child each (18 mos. and 17 mos. - both nursing). And then there was a pregnant mom. But I felt like during the intros they were going through this "AP checklist" - we BF, cosleep, etc.... I just said Hi, my name, we still BF at 16 months...that's about it. I didn't feel like getting into the "crunchy contest."

Oh well....just a vent.

 

[LoveMyLil'B]

I'm sorry it turned into a competition of sorts. Maybe they were saying this to normalize breastfeeding and co-sleeping. People don't often talk about the details of their sleeping arrangements, esecially when they're not part of the mainstream view.

OK, here's my LLL bit:

A positive - I love having a place to go where I feel normal feeding my baby out in the open, and I love the amount of respect and support that is shown to all mothers.

A negative - I went to a meeting last night with something on my mind. No one was there. Granted, it had been a few months since I had attended a meeting, so prehaps they had relocated or something, but they have all my info, and I wasn't notified. I checked the website, and according to that, I was at the right place at the right time.

 

[mamatoady]

I wouldn't have taken it that way,most likely. People do that sometimes at our meetings and I always think that they feel it refreshing to have others acknowledge their AP efforts in a positive way and it feels good to hear. A lot of people can't tell their MIL that they co-sleep with pride and they cower if they know MIL found out their 3 year old still nurses. What a fantastic place to let the whole world know that you do these things with your kids.

of course,maybe it's not that way in your group

sarah

 

[LolaK]

Ugh, I also hate the who can be more crunchy/AP thing. It is just so silly to me. The best thing you can do is just not play into it, when moms try to one-up me I just smile and nod and coo at my daughter.

I would also agree with the pp who suggested that maybe they are just so happy to have someplace they can "admit" out loud that they do "those things." Only you know becuase you were there though.

 

[WNB]

*notices the long strings of AP-checklist signature smileys*
*reads the posts*
*scratches head*

 

[LolaK]

there's always gotta be someone who feels the need to be obnoxious on these posts - that's really too bad.

i view the signatures as a way to give a tiny bit of info about myself and my family - just a bit to make my perspective known. i also think lots of people use them because they are so darn cute.

 

[corimom]

I just want to stick in my 2 cents!

LLL is not a part of "Attachment Parenting" (meaning the formal group called Attachment Parenting International). Technically, LLL is supposed to be focused solely on breastfeeding - of course alot of *AP* things mesh well with breastfeeding. And mothers CAN breastfeed and NOT do some of the AP things (like co-sleep and own a sling) - and they SHOULD be made to feel welcome at LLL meetings EVEN IF they occasionally give a bottle, or use disposable diapers or have their babies sleep in their own crib in their own room, vaccinate, circumcise, etc.

LLL does not have a stance on where your baby sleeps, what type of diapers to use, vaccination, circumcision, homeschooling, even exactly how long to breastfeed your baby, etc. (Regarding the latter, LLL's philosophy is quote "Ideally the breastfeeding relationship will continue until the baby outgrows the need." - note the "Ideally" in there..... Breastfeeding is a relationship between TWO people - and LLL recognizes that every mom and every baby is different and that each family must ultimately decide what works best for them.)

It is really unfortunate that the OP felt uncomfortable at the meeting by the feeling of a contest in AP. Perhaps you should gently raise this issue with the Leader - especially if you know her well - I am sure she would not want to come across as unwelcoming or uncomforting to other mothers.

I know what you mean about feeling like there is a crunchiness contest - I don't like it either!

 

[~Megan~]

Share your feelings with the leader. She should be able to steer the conversation away from that. LLL has a policy not to alienate anyone with any type of parenting practices as it might negatively impact their relationship with LLL and prevent them from getting needed help.

 

[josybear]

Quote:

Originally Posted by WNB *notices the long strings of AP-checklist signature smileys* *reads the posts* *scratches head*

ok, so i thought that was rude, but i was going to say something about that.
IMO, signatures on these boards seem... what's the word... not competitive, and not trying to prove something... it seems like people are proving that they belong here by listing all the AP stuff they do. the feelings described by the OP at the LLL meeting resemble the feelings i have when looking at signature lines. i'm sure they aren't intended that way, and i bet at the LLL meeting it wasn't intended that way either, but it can be taken that way.

 

[josybear]

and yes. i realize the hypocrisy of what i'm saying, seeing as i have the same type of signature line.

 

[moonfirefaery]

Positive: The support they provide is so very helpful and wonderful to have when you need it.

Negative: Some of the LLL ladies I have met are wayyy too "RAWR" about it. It's one thing to be a lactivist, but it's totally different to sit with a mom who uses formula and tell her why every one of her reasons is completely in valid and not know when to lay off. I've seen them tell people that instead of buying formula they should use milk banks, despite the fact that donated milk from banks can run you up to $3.50 an ounce...as if anyone could afford that. That's not lactivism; that's rude.

 

[lunasmommy]

this is the reason why i am scared of lll. its sad, i'm a dork. my dd is 14 months and i've been trying to talk myself into going to a meeting.

 

[User101]

I'm glad you had a positive experience, but sorry about the crunchy contest. TO be honest, there are SOME parenting styles that LLL is going to advocate over others. For example, the ten precepts talk about gentle discipline and loving guidance, and so spanking or punitive discipline wouldn't be supported. And the family bed is advocated only insomuch as it tends to make breastfeeding easier. But no mom should ever feel UNWELCOME to a meeting. It's a tough line to balance on sometimes--staying true to LLL ideals AND making everyone feel welcome. I hope you go back. Maybe you can help change the tone of the group!

 

[Mama Poot]

I'm sorry you had a negative experience. I used to go to a great LLL group until we moved. When we moved back, I contacted one of the leaders to let her know I was back in town and that I wanted to resume coming to the meetings. I sent two emails about a month apart, she deleted both of them. The other leader in the group was never nice to me and treated me badly because I could not afford to pay membership dues at the time. Oh yes and I didn't drive a BMW like her and all her friends.

I could deal with her crap because the other leader had always been very kind to me and came over my house twice after my first child was born to help me, as I was having a lot of breastfeeding problems. The whole experience has been confusing and upsetting. I've thought about contacting LLLI about the incident, but I just let it go. Its their loss, not mine. I miss going to the meetings, but the other group is too far away from here and meets in the mornings, and I have no car at that time of the day. *sigh*

 

[LolaK]

Quote:

Originally Posted by moonfirefaery Negative: Some of the LLL ladies I have met are wayyy too "RAWR" about it. It's one thing to be a lactivist, but it's totally different to sit with a mom who uses formula and tell her why every one of her reasons is completely in valid and not know when to lay off. I've seen them tell people that instead of buying formula they should use milk banks, despite the fact that donated milk from banks can run you up to $3.50 an ounce...as if anyone could afford that. That's not lactivism; that's rude.

This totally varies by group and is very dependent on the leaders. My group isn't like that at all. I have in fact been shocked a couple times at how tolerant the leaders manage to be.

 

[hunnybumm]

At my LLL group all of the 'regular' members are very crunch. However, when we start the meeting we start off by saying our children's names and ages reguardless if they are nursing. But if it is just the regular members (ie no new people) then we pass that up and go through a quick lesson and then just chat away.

We have a very small group and we normally get a new person every other month or so. If there is a new person there we don't talk about anything non breastfeeding, unless it goes along with the lesson.

I guess with our group (since it is so small) we don't tend to do the one up sort of thing, because we all already know what the others do/ don't do.

I would definitly talk to the leader and let her know it made you feel uncomfortable, because chances are someone else felt the same.