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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so i'm planning a homebirth with a midwife (yes i know this is the uc board..hear me out <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">). my first baby was born at 33 weeks in a hosp. (obviously) and i'm working out a birth plan to have ready in case this happens again.<br><br>
do you think it would be possible to birth the baby in the hospital without calling the nurses/doctors? obviously i would call them as soon as the baby was out, but it would be nice to deliver without the staff "coaching" me. am i crazy?<br><br>
i'm a doula and have attended alot of hospital births (shudder) and know how little the staff is in the room, and that everytime i've had to call them into to let them know that momma was pushing.<br><br>
thoughts?
 

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i really have no idea about hospital policy, but i doubt this would fly.<br><br>
of course, some women get left alone and birth "uc" in hospitals because people dont' believe them about their progress, etc. so, it's not completely unheard of.<br><br>
but this isn't done intentionally--typically, it's done 'accidentally.'
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
i guess i'm just hoping that they'd buy the "accident" thing. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Crazy, IMO--not for wanting it, but for thinking it's possible! I've read the only sure way to basically birth unassisted in the hospital is to go to Mexico. Besides, you have an MW, so why would you want to do that?<br><br>
And just curious, but WHY are you asking this here?
 

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this happened to me with DS #2 in a hosp. He came SO fast, i didnt even know I was pushing and there he was! I birthed him right on to the bed and then DH put him up on my belly. about 10 seconds later the nurse came in, we hadnt pushed the cal button yet because we were still kinda in shock. And she started FREAKING out. Even yelling at us <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> Then they whisked him away to "check him over" because no one "medical" saw the birth so they didnt know what really happened (gasp!) It was nice to birth him with no one around, but it made things worse in the end, because of the nurses freaking out. Our doc didnt seem to care much, just glad he was here and healthy, but there was like 6 nurses in the room having a hissy fit.<br><br>
thats why I UC now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Honestly, I think if I had been in a hospital (mine was an attended home birth, but I love reading the UC posts!), I wouldn't have had the chance to call anyone and the baby would have come out as mentioned in pp. I "pushed" for 7 minutes, but seriously, my body EJECTED the baby... I feel like it happened TO me and not from me (I pushed for 2 hours with my first). I was mostly struggling to figure out what was happening through the whole thing, so unless DH was exceptionally on the ball, I think the baby would have just sort of umm... showed up sans medical ppl. I do expect they probably would whisk the baby away unless you have an extreme "rooming in" hospital. That could seriously suck. Maybe you could have DH go get them when the head is crowning? That way, they wouldn't have much to do but catch and you'd be able to be alone through most of it, but wouldn't have to deal w/your babe being taken immediately?
 

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You can always request that they do not coach you. And if they do, you don't have to follow their "instructions". My first birth was in a hospital and in my birth plan (it was very short and simple) I asked to not be coached, which they respected. It went very well until crowning, when the OB got a little bossy and threatening.<br><br>
Anyway, if you are going to be in the hospital due to a premie birth, I don't know that the pushing phase would be very difficult since the baby will be so small. I hope everything goes well for you. If I were you, though, and in a hospital situation again, I would not try to "trick" the hospital staff. Working with them will probably get you a lot better treatment than coming off as sneaky. I understand that you want a peaceful birth but if you are confident and relaxed and respectfully ask the staff to be quiet and wait until the baby crowns, you are more likely to have a good experience than if you were to sneak off into the bathroom and UC the baby on the toilet or something similar. Trust me, I had those fantasies too when I was in there but like a PP said, they can make things difficult for you afterwards and no one wants an adversarial relationship with care providers.<br><br>
Good luck and hope your baby stays nice and snuggly inside you until it's the right time.
 

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I've had 3 births at 3 different hospitals & I can't actually remember ever being left alone in the room. There seemed to always be at least one nurse around. And when my labor was obviously hard labor, there were like 2-3 nurses! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
But ditto to the tell them not to coach you comment. I finally came to my senses by my 3rd birth, had a midwife, & requested no coaching or interventions whatsoever. It was awesome. I labored in a squat on the floor, & pushed only when I felt like it. It was wonderful, I felt completely in control the whole time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
Good luck with everything!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mrskennedy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8966144"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">And just curious, but WHY are you asking this here?</div>
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with due respect, but i assume the op is asking because she feels like asking--she has a question, she is hoping to receive some answers. why the questioning?<br><br>
i imagine mdc as an open forum of similarly-minded individuals where we can "pop-in" into different "rooms" and ask questions, and receive compassionate answers. so what if the question *might* "fit" better in another forum (in your mind).<br><br>
comments like this make me feel unwelcomed in this forum, and i'm a uc-er.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
i guess i was asking in this forum because ... i'm not really sure. this and the homebirth forum seem to be wiser and more confident moms are, so i wanted straight-forward responses. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br><br>
thanks for the advice!! i'm just trying to get the worrying about another "premie" (dd was born perfectly healthy, with slight jaundice) birth over with, i don't want to think about it the rest of the pregnancy. i agree that the staff probably would freak out if i delivered without them seeing the birth.<br><br>
i never thought about asking every one to NOT coach... (duh)<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>paphia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8966366"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Anyway, if you are going to be in the hospital due to a premie birth, I don't know that the pushing phase would be very difficult since the baby will be so small.</div>
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i wish this were true!! i pushed for 2 hours with my 4lb 15oz dd, and my new mw has since explained that it is because bigger babies help you birth by wiggling and squirming in the birth canal, and the smaller babies just lay there and let you do all the work.
 

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of luck, YK? they might not notice, they might?<br><br>
could you specifically tell them that you want an 'unattended' hospital birth?<br><br>
seems like there would be a decent segment of people wanting that, i might wager?
 

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i have thought about this before, too. I think you'd have to be ultra cautious about not having much monitoring, and vaginal checks, and hope that you're not a screamer or grunter, and hope that no one notices. I think you're better off just staying home. It wouldn't be worth it to have them yanking the baby away like that. That's terrible.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lisarussell</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8967529"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I think you're better off just staying home. It wouldn't be worth it to have them yanking the baby away like that. That's terrible.</div>
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stay at home if i went into labor at 33 weeks?
 

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Well, if you think it's safer for your 33 weeker to be born in the hospital (and I'm not saying it's not, I think it's one of those things you really can't know until after the fact), then I'm not sure I understand why you wouldn't want the staff to know the baby was being born?<br><br>
Also, assumably if you have a midwife, she would be at the hospital with you and could (possibly help to <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> ) fend off any unwanted coaching, etc.<br><br>
Kat
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>rajahkat</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8970739"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, if you think it's safer for your 33 weeker to be born in the hospital (and I'm not saying it's not, I think it's one of those things you really can't know until after the fact), then I'm not sure I understand why you wouldn't want the staff to know the baby was being born?<br><br>
Also, assumably if you have a midwife, she would be at the hospital with you and could fend off any unwanted coaching, etc.<br><br>
Kat</div>
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MWs can't and/or don't always fend off anything. See pamamidwife's blog for examples of this... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> A 33 weeker would have to be born in a hospital if you have an MW, b/c I highly doubt she'd attend at home. And <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:, why wouldn't you want the staff to know the baby was being born? And how would you prevent it? I mean, you check in, fill stuff out, uh, they know you're there. So they'll be in, esp. with a 33 weeker.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>annabanana</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8967288"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">with due respect, but i assume the op is asking because she feels like asking--she has a question, she is hoping to receive some answers. why the questioning?<br><br>
i imagine mdc as an open forum of similarly-minded individuals where we can "pop-in" into different "rooms" and ask questions, and receive compassionate answers. so what if the question *might* "fit" better in another forum (in your mind).<br><br>
comments like this make me feel unwelcomed in this forum, and i'm a uc-er.</div>
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Why the questioning? I think I said I was curious. And as you said yourself, MDC is an open forum, and I had a question. Also, I asked b/c she has an MW, so at least from her OP, isn't planning a UC.<br><br>
Is my question wrong? I think not. And apparently the OP doesn't think so either, b/c she kindly answered it.<br><br>
Thanks, OP! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Like I said, I was just curious!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>paphia</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8966366"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">You can always request that they do not coach you. And if they do, you don't have to follow their "instructions".<br><br>
...I hope everything goes well for you. If I were you, though, and in a hospital situation again, I would not try to "trick" the hospital staff. Working with them will probably get you a lot better treatment than coming off as sneaky. I understand that you want a peaceful birth but if you are confident and relaxed and respectfully ask the staff to be quiet and wait until the baby crowns, you are more likely to have a good experience than if you were to sneak off into the bathroom and UC the baby on the toilet or something similar. Trust me, I had those fantasies too when I was in there but like a PP said, they can make things difficult for you afterwards and no one wants an adversarial relationship with care providers.<br><br>
Good luck and hope your baby stays nice and snuggly inside you until it's the right time.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">: Good advice here, esp. about working with them.
 

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OP- I had no problem with you asking your question here, I think it was an appropriate place to ask it. FWIW, I think you would have a hard time in that situation keeping nurses from realizing what is happening. Most likely you would be monitored if you were in labor with a 33 weeker and they would be checking on you. Maybe focus on some affirmations that your baby will be born full term and healthy? Don't underestimate the power of talking to your baby! Good luck!
 

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I was one of the lucky ones who got to labor by herself for a few hours in the hospital. Of course, they didn't believe I was in labor, and they thought DH and I were both asleep (waiting for morning's mw arrival). DH did fall asleep and I got to labor for a few hours by myself - it was great! Too bad DH woke up and when he saw me in hard labor he RAN to get help - sheesh, as if I wasn't handling it just fine? I wish he hadn't done that but in the end it wasn't bad.<br><br>
The only part I got managed was the pushing phase. I'm going to talk to my mw this time and see if they can leave me totally alone for this one, if I end up doing the birth center again.<br><br>
ETA: When they intervene, THEY INTERVENE. Before my mw got there, I wanted to go to the bathroom (REALLY had to go) but *THEY WOULD NOT LET ME* because they were afraid I was trying to push the baby out. UMM NO. My body was trying to get rid of, cough, extra. They literally would not let me close the door behind me!! TMI: Of course it all came out anyway as I was pushing, and that was way embarrassing... had they just let me alone for five minutes, I swear I wouldn't have had the baby over the toilet.
 

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"<i>A 33 weeker would have to be born in a hospital if you have an MW, b/c I highly doubt she'd attend at home.</i> "<br><br>
Depends on the midwife and the mother I think.<br><br>
I think it was in Aviva Romm's book that she mentions a midwife attended homebirth of a 33 weeker. Mom felt right about staying home, so midwife felt right about attending her and the baby ended up doing fine. If anyone else remembers this story and I'm off, please jump in! It's been years since I read that book.<br><br>
Though, I totally admit it's probably highly unlikely.<br><br>
Kat
 
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