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Let me preface this by saying that I love my DH dearly. I can't imagine my life without him, and I know our sons need him....<br><br>
The problem is, after our first son was born, hubby became terribly distant. I was hurt, and I went through a severe depression because of that and the fact that I had just lost my father. I convinced myself that this time would be different. I just knew that, after last time, when I had this baby he would be more considerate/affectionate/helpful/anything...., but he has again distanced himself from me. He leaves for work at 9am, and doesn't get home until 8:30 pm or later (he works in technical support over the phone). I don't get much time with him and neither do the kids. When he gets home, however, he wants to sit and play computer games half the night, and yesterday he spent 6 HOURS playing his game. I try to gently ask him to join us outside or even just watch a movie with us, but he gets all huffy and tells me to let him finish his game. I keep telling him that I need help around the house, especially now that I have an infant AND a toddler to care for, and he keeps saying that he will help, but he never has time between the computer games, the book he's reading, the window shopping he needs to do, and vegging out in front of the tv. I couldn't take the state of the house anymore, so Saturday I went on a cleaning spree. When I wasn't busy with the kids, I was busy cleaning ALL DAY. I asked him if he would help, and I got the programmed response, "as soon as I finish my game..." Well, three hours later he picked up some trash, brought me some dishes from the computer room, and swept the living room floor while watching TV.... Grand total cleaning time: 30 minutes. He even yelled for me to get the baby who was waking up while he was playing on the computer and I was elbow deep in dirty dishes. Then, yesterday, I decided to cook us a nice homecooked meal with some fresh bread and even cooked a casserole to keep in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I asked him if he would please clean the kitchen before going to bed (it wasn't in horrible shape, but I was trying to get the baby to sleep.), and he promised he would during commercial breaks (no kidding, he said that). Well, I was having trouble sleeping last night,(I might need to add, the baby and I sleep in a different room so he won't wake everyone up in the middle of the night, just me) and he comes downstairs too. He has been laying in bed reading for a couple of hours, and the kitchen is still untouched (it's nearly 1am at this point). I asked him politely,"did you forget you said you'd clean the kitchen for me?" And he huffs, "NO!" (as if I offended him by asking such a question) So, I reply without the politeness, "Oh, so you just decided not to do it?" He gets all pissy and says he'll do it, and storms into the kitchen and starts unloading the dishwasher noisily, so i told him it didn't need to be done at 1 am, and he says, "you sure?" Then goes away to bed without even saying goodnight to me. Sometimes I don't even want him around.<br><br>
The thing that really bothers me, though, is the way he talks to Jarod. Jarod is an exceptionally sweet child, and he does not deserve to have his head snapped off for every little thing. DH has NO patience with him. He yells and screams at him over trivial things. I hate to say it, but he has said things to him that I would consider verbal abuse. For instance, he has said more than once, "I'm gonna beat your sorry ass!!!" I have talked to him about this, and he agrees that he is too hard on him, but does nothing to change it. Lately, it seems that the only attention Jarod gets form him is when he's yelling at him. He has admitted that he is too hard on Jarod, and has said that he will *try* to do better. Just like he has said he will *try* to help out around the house a little. I am tired and frustrated and lonely and I don't know what else to do. I have left him before. Jarod and I were gone for almost a week about a year ago, and he was so much more patient and considerate when we came back, but it wore off quickly. I feel like he takes us for granted. I don't want to leave again just to get him to be more patient; that is not a game I wish to play. I know we need counselling, and he needs anger management classes, but I don't know how to get him to go along with these ideas. I hoped it would be enough when Jarod told him that he didn't like him and made him cry, but it didn't change anything. I don't want my children to grow up this way. Any advice is welcome.<br><br>
BTW: he does get time to himself whenever he feels like taking it. The problem is that he won't spend quality time with his family. I'm tired of being his last priority, and it isn't fair to the children to be treated as though they aren't important to him.
The problem is, after our first son was born, hubby became terribly distant. I was hurt, and I went through a severe depression because of that and the fact that I had just lost my father. I convinced myself that this time would be different. I just knew that, after last time, when I had this baby he would be more considerate/affectionate/helpful/anything...., but he has again distanced himself from me. He leaves for work at 9am, and doesn't get home until 8:30 pm or later (he works in technical support over the phone). I don't get much time with him and neither do the kids. When he gets home, however, he wants to sit and play computer games half the night, and yesterday he spent 6 HOURS playing his game. I try to gently ask him to join us outside or even just watch a movie with us, but he gets all huffy and tells me to let him finish his game. I keep telling him that I need help around the house, especially now that I have an infant AND a toddler to care for, and he keeps saying that he will help, but he never has time between the computer games, the book he's reading, the window shopping he needs to do, and vegging out in front of the tv. I couldn't take the state of the house anymore, so Saturday I went on a cleaning spree. When I wasn't busy with the kids, I was busy cleaning ALL DAY. I asked him if he would help, and I got the programmed response, "as soon as I finish my game..." Well, three hours later he picked up some trash, brought me some dishes from the computer room, and swept the living room floor while watching TV.... Grand total cleaning time: 30 minutes. He even yelled for me to get the baby who was waking up while he was playing on the computer and I was elbow deep in dirty dishes. Then, yesterday, I decided to cook us a nice homecooked meal with some fresh bread and even cooked a casserole to keep in the fridge for tonight's dinner. I asked him if he would please clean the kitchen before going to bed (it wasn't in horrible shape, but I was trying to get the baby to sleep.), and he promised he would during commercial breaks (no kidding, he said that). Well, I was having trouble sleeping last night,(I might need to add, the baby and I sleep in a different room so he won't wake everyone up in the middle of the night, just me) and he comes downstairs too. He has been laying in bed reading for a couple of hours, and the kitchen is still untouched (it's nearly 1am at this point). I asked him politely,"did you forget you said you'd clean the kitchen for me?" And he huffs, "NO!" (as if I offended him by asking such a question) So, I reply without the politeness, "Oh, so you just decided not to do it?" He gets all pissy and says he'll do it, and storms into the kitchen and starts unloading the dishwasher noisily, so i told him it didn't need to be done at 1 am, and he says, "you sure?" Then goes away to bed without even saying goodnight to me. Sometimes I don't even want him around.<br><br>
The thing that really bothers me, though, is the way he talks to Jarod. Jarod is an exceptionally sweet child, and he does not deserve to have his head snapped off for every little thing. DH has NO patience with him. He yells and screams at him over trivial things. I hate to say it, but he has said things to him that I would consider verbal abuse. For instance, he has said more than once, "I'm gonna beat your sorry ass!!!" I have talked to him about this, and he agrees that he is too hard on him, but does nothing to change it. Lately, it seems that the only attention Jarod gets form him is when he's yelling at him. He has admitted that he is too hard on Jarod, and has said that he will *try* to do better. Just like he has said he will *try* to help out around the house a little. I am tired and frustrated and lonely and I don't know what else to do. I have left him before. Jarod and I were gone for almost a week about a year ago, and he was so much more patient and considerate when we came back, but it wore off quickly. I feel like he takes us for granted. I don't want to leave again just to get him to be more patient; that is not a game I wish to play. I know we need counselling, and he needs anger management classes, but I don't know how to get him to go along with these ideas. I hoped it would be enough when Jarod told him that he didn't like him and made him cry, but it didn't change anything. I don't want my children to grow up this way. Any advice is welcome.<br><br>
BTW: he does get time to himself whenever he feels like taking it. The problem is that he won't spend quality time with his family. I'm tired of being his last priority, and it isn't fair to the children to be treated as though they aren't important to him.
