Mothering Forum banner
1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I love staying home with my DD more than anything in the world, but sometimes I feel so lonely! We participate in all sorts of activities inc. playgroup, library story time, kindermusik, so you would think that I wouldn't be lonely, but I am. I have met many people, but have had trouble making close friends with them. The problem is that my daughter always wants my attention during these activities. She says "Mommy come on" or something else whenever I start a conversation. I tell her "Mommy is talking" and try to redirect her and she will get upset, want me to pick her up and eventually start asking to "go home". I feel bad about this, because she isn't usually clingy. She is actually very bright, outgoing, and fun - she just wants my undivided attention 100% of the time! Am I the only one who has this problem. I know it will pass, but I need reassurance.<br><br>
Thank you!<br><br>
Lara<br>
Mommy to Rowan 12/7/01 (21 months)
 

·
Banned
Joined
·
1,436 Posts
Lara you're not alone. I feel the same way. I'm maniacal about getting my 19 mo out to meet people and take classes because I'm a single mom and she is so isolated at home with me - I'm scared of her growing up feeling like a freak because we live at home alone - she has no grandparents or aunts or uncles so it's isolating. Even though we do all the activities (four days a week scheduled, then I try for at least two playdates, then the other two or three days we are at the park) it's still very lonely here. She just went to bed and I am facing the house - in total disarray - and hour or so of cleaning it up alone in silence then I face just being alone and probably going to bed out of exhaustion.<br><br>
I wonder sometimes if my life will have more comeraderie in it when she's in the preschool or kindergarten stage. I don't know - but I hope it won't be like this forever - because it is lonely.<br><br>
Hang in there.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for the reply, Oatmeal. Isn't it weird how you can participate in so many activities and still be lonely. When I think about it, I don't know if I should have really used the word lonely. It is hard to be really lonely when you have a sweet little miracle to wake up with every morning. To me, the real description would be CRAVING some adult conversation and mental stimulation!<br><br>
I'm sure it will get better as they grow up.<br>
Hang in there to you, too.<br>
Thanks
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
417 Posts
I think that its easy to feel that way. At least it is for me. Having left a busy consulting career to stay home with my baby was the right decision for me and I am very happy about it... but, I do miss the adult conversation and stimulation I got at work.<br><br>
I have found that it helps me if I can invite one of the momma's I meet over to my house for an afternoon of letting the kids play and giving us a chance to get to know one another better. At home, my son feels more comfortable and less clingy, which helps. I don't know if that might be an option for you. Sometimes, I even plan it over a nap time - put Jacob down for his nap, and if I know the other mom well enough and they are comfortable, their little one can snooze too. That's the best! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Hang in there! I'd invite you over if you lived near by. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Christine
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks, Christine.<br>
That is good advice about inviting just one Mom-toddler pair over to our house. I think that Rowan would be less clingy in that situation. In fact, she is always less clingy when the group is smaller. She doesn't seem to like large groups or really loud noises. Our playgroup is really too big- as is our library story time. I think that is much of the problem.<br><br>
Thanks, I try your suggestion.<br><br>
Lara<br>
Rowan 12/7/01
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,984 Posts
Ugh!!! This is so sad... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> and it looks pretty common. I never felt lonely... I joined my LLL chapter and we formed our own weekly playgroup. I made great frends. Until recently, we were meeting once a week (the playgroup died down and then we formed our own homeschooling support group, which turned into a babysitting co-op). It was awesome.<br><br>
For the first 3 yrs, I did not have to join a Gymboree/class type things to meet moms, thanks to the friends I made at my pg yoga class (we formed our own playgroup too) and LLL friends.<br><br>
It always surprises me that moms who go to Gymboree don't follow up and don't go out to lunch together afterwards. That's a great ice-breaker. After a class, just announce it. After our am LLL meetings, I would go around asking everybody and we always had a nice group going.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/nod.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="nod"> I agree... the best remedy is to invite a mom(s) over. I'm sure you are NOT the only one in your community/classes feeling this way.<br><br>
Why not have a playgroup/lunch and invite everyone. Serve bagels & fruit. Or ask people to bring their own lunches. That can get the ball rolling... perhaps people will take turns hosting in their homes or local parks.<br><br><b>What about other mommy groups?</b><br><br>
I belong to <a href="http://www.mothersandmore.org/" target="_blank">Mothers & More</a> and we have Mom's Night Out, a Book Club (1 evening a month) and playgroups. I really love it. The fact that other moms are mainstream doesn't bother me. The women are so cool and interesting.<br><br><a href="http://www.gospelcom.net/mops/" target="_blank">MOPS - Mothers of Preschoolers</a> is a group created by Christian moms, but I think all moms of all religions are welcome. There is a big group where I live, but I have never felt the need to join because I've always had my own support group (LLL).<br><br><a href="http://www.mochamoms.org/" target="_blank">Mocha Moms - Mothers of Color</a><br><br><a href="http://www.momsclub.org/" target="_blank">Moms Club</a><br><br>
Mothers' & More are for both working and SAHM moms (and non-judgemental, just supportive of whatever your family situation is), the other three are more for SAHM's.<br><br>
You do not have to hang in there to suffer alone for the first 3 years! If these groups don't exist in your area... you can even START your own chapter. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jammin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="jammin">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thank you for all the reccommendations, but I think that people are misinterpreting my post. We belong to the local LLL and attend many activities (almost too many). My problem is that my DD always fusses when I try to have conversations with my friends. When we try to go out to lunch, my DD is constantly wanting my attention and cries if I don't give it to her. We do have a girls night out once per months and I love it, but during the days it is nearly impossible to complete a conversation with these friends. I guess there is really nothing that I can do about that. I'm sure my daughter will become less of a Mommy Cling-on when she is older.<br><br>
I will still keep up all our activities because at least it gets us out of the house and meeting folks. And I will try to invite only one Mom-toddler unit over to our house to play. I hadn't done that before because our playgroup is so big, with so many nice Moms, that whenever I would invite one, several others would want to come over!<br>
Thank you!<br><br>
Lara<br>
Rowan 12/7/01
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
820 Posts
Have you read The Continuum Concept? Even if you haven't, check out the Continuum Network at<br>
URL=<a href="http://www.continuum-concept.org/%5Dcontinuum" target="_blank">http://www.continuum-concept.org/]continuum</a> network[/URL] and read the articles on child-centeredness. It may give you some relief, it works for me.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,839 Posts
I hear what you are saying, Lara. I took my dd too many activities as well- and it took a long time to make the deeper friendships. When you are focussed on your child, it is hard to focus on adult conversations. I was lonely during the baby and toddler years with my first in spite of getting out to do things. Now, My oldest is 4 and we have a number of close friends, but it was slow going to make them. I really think it does get easier as they get older.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top