[gabrielle]

Hi,
We just celebrated my child's second b'day tonight with friends and family, including my two wonderful step-children from my husband's first marriage.

Our marriage is one of the sad ones. We sadly do not fulfill each other's important needs, namely emotional intimacy. It's not that either of us is a poor communicator, but rather that frankly, the love is not there. We got married too quickly then had a baby right away.

The sadness is a chronic state between us, but we don't want to break up our young family, so getting out is not what I want. I suppose that I am not looking for solutions, but rather for a place to vent and gain support. We barely spoke to each other all day and not at all during the party, save for "could you pls. move that chair inside?"

It is just so difficult not to share the joy of these or any other occassions with one's partner. He didn't say that I looked nice, or that I did a good job organizing, or anything. That is par for the course. I do give him some of that kind of validation, but I've been much more reticent myself since he doesn't do the same. In fact he is closer to his 13 year old daughter, that is, more comfortable and caring with her, than with me. I am not looking for advice, since I can only give you a sliver of my situation, but rather for --I don't know'-- a hug???

It's hard to be a young mother, totally in love with her first born and in an unhappy marriage (no goodnight kisses...)

Thanks,
Gabrielle

 

[the sunshine]

(((((gabrielle))))))))

I was in a loveless marriage for a long time. I hear you,sister.

I won't say more right now, but you definitely have a shoulder to lean on here.

 

[magnoliablue]

gabrielle, I have been there. You aren't alone, and anytime you need to vent please do so. i am feeling lonely tonight.. not for my ex..but for my family..they go with him on the weekends, and when they aren't here, it is SO quiet. Sometimes it is peaceful, but some nights I miss the three of them piled into my bed, me hanging off with a sliver of covers. Having the bed to yourself is overrated.

 

[MissMisha]

Gabrielle:

My heart goes out to you. I hung on in a marriage for six years hoping to revive some feelings, some specialness, SOME THING. God knows I tried. I tried to be thin, funny, vivacious, you name it. I put others first, tried to do super-mom, etc, etc, etc. It didn't happen, in spite of monumental effort. In other words, don't be so hard on yourself for not trying. Maybe your H is like mine - just doesn't have the capacity to be close to others. I just hope yours is not as self-centered as mine.

I don't want to give you unsolicited advice, but think about what is best for you and your baby. I left when I realized I didn't want ds to think Mom had "Welcome" stamped on her forehead, KWIM? It took over a year to make the decision and stick with it.

Hugs and hope for a happier future.

 

[gabrielle]

Thank you for your heartfelt replies. Funny, but I think that joining this group and pouring pieces of my heart out to strangers was a catalyst that opened me back up to the rage and hurt that I have been repressing in my marriage. My husband was also unusually open to talking about us too, so I shared all of what I have been feeling. It WASN'T pretty... but he did come around and admit to always having had problems with intimacy. Not that he feels willing or able to do anything about it as he already feels overly stretched (with two children from his first marriage and our two yr old son, plus ex-wife). So we communicated; I got a lot out, yet I expect that very little, if anything will come out of it, as we've been down this route before. I hope that I am wrong.

What gave you the courage to finally leave after six years? How is it for your son? Are you doing ok?

Gabrielle

 

[jannan]

I could've written your post. i am in a loveless marriage. but things are a little different. the childrens' dad ( i refuse to say dh) keeps telling me he is going to leave when he pays my dad back then it is when he saves enough money for this or that. I truly believe he will leave but he is not ready yet. I really have no reason to kick him out. He gives me money, does alot of chores around the house. right now he is in the proces of building a complete room downstairs. and i'm also suspecting I'm pregnant right now. so a lot is going on. i get no kisses and shoved a way when i want some comforting...