Mothering Forum banner
1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm pregnant with my first, EDD August 19th. DH wants us to go visit his family in California in December, when our boy will be 3ish months old. There's a kind of ASAP pressure (from both DH and the rest of the family) on this trip because DH's grandfather's health is deteriorating and there's no telling how long he'll last. I totally understand this and am looking forward to the trip, but my own mom made a suggestion to me that has me concerned -- how well will it be for my baby to make such a big trip at three months? It's about a 4-5 hour flight and may or may not have a layover. It will be about a week at his grandparents house, where we'll have our own, relatively private bedroom and space, but there will be tons of people oohing and aahing over the baby, wanting to hold him and play with him, etc., whereas up here we don't know very many people so baby's first few months will be pretty private and mellow. I made the suggestion to DH last night that we wait until January or February to make the trip, but he's worried his grandpa won't make it that long (though death is not imminent here -- he could live another five years or die tomorrow).

My sense is that we need to wait and see what kind of a baby we've got before we buy our tickets. Baby could handle such a thing just fine, or it could be very hard on him. DH and I are both pretty rough and tumble travelers, but I don't just want to assume my kid will be the same way.

Anyway, has anyone done anything like this with one this young? How did it go?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,252 Posts
Ours was younger when we moved from Europe to the US--6 weeks. Honestly, I think the younger they are, the easier they are for travel. Since most of their time is spent eating, sleeping, and cuddling it's a lot easier to keep them entertained and happy
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
455 Posts
I say go ahead and book them now. I flew with my dd at three months, and she was NOT an easy baby. The flight wasn't always the most fun, but with breastfeeding it was manageable. That was the first time we had been home to see family, so there were tons of new people for her to deal with. I was very firm about me holding her most of the time and taking her away from people if she cried. One day we did have to hang out in a back bedroom because she couldn't handle all the stimulation, but overall it was fine. Just don't let anyone bully you. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,059 Posts
We've traveled with Ds off and on since about 2mo (he's our first) and honestly, he does not do well away from home. We're calling a halt to all travel until he's older. People can come see us.

I refused a long distance trip for Ds at 3mo (funeral) and we made another one (work). For work, he flew great on 2 of 3 flights, the 3rd was major distress. All flights were ~1hr. The layover he was miserable. IME, travel disrupts his sleep, makes him more anxious, hard to fall aseep, and prone to upset/crying, and really, we have a mellow, pretty easy baby.

Of course its hard on me when I can tell Ds is distressed and there's not much I can do about it. At that age, Ds neeed me, a rocking chair, running water, the right mix of new and familiar, and to set his own schedule. With Dh's work travel, Ds and I could do just that. Hotel room or walk around as needed. With family, who wanted to be making plans/demands on our time it was much harder.

Lots of people say its easy to travel when they're young and its true when Ds was a newborn, we went out to eat, and all over the place with him content in a sling. Then he grew more aware of his surroundings and things changed. Mostly, I think its a personality thing and unfortunately you can't know until the babe arrives.

No one can predict how your experience will go. But knowing what I do now, I wouldn't buy tickets this far in advance. Not until I've met the kiddo (you don't have much longer now
) and have more experience with how your babe needs to be parented. Other things that would sway me are travel during holiday times (don't do it), the planes will be fairly empty (a major plus), if you're going through/from colder climates where people will have colds/flu, etc (don't do it), if you feel very comfortable with his family (go ahead), know you will be able to stand firm on your babe's needs and can join/skip family time as needed (go ahead), long flights (more than 3hr at one time, I wouldn't do it; that is a verrrry long time if the baby is distressed).

ETA: Dh and I are easy and frequent travelers ourselves, so this had been a hard call for us. Especially around the funeral there was big pressure to go. But what it came down to the best choice for Ds was clear (stay home) and even though other people would have loved to see him, its not his (Ds') job/responsibility/role, etc. to make others happy by being there or keep them from being disappointed if he's not. KWIM? In the end, I had to say, Ds needs to stay home and as a parent my first responsibility is to meet Ds' needs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
891 Posts
In my opinion, I wouldn't worry about the family being around and holding the baby, etc. The baby will most likely adjust easily to all the hustle and bustle and you'll probably be fine while you are there. Now when it comes to the trip, you could worry, but there isn't any possible way to predict what kind of baby you'll have and I don't really think delaying it one or two months will make that big of a difference. I now have faith that any mom can make it through a trip with their baby because I just did a trip which required driving 12 hours each way!!
: Our son absolutely HATES the car, but I felt we should go to see my grandparents this summer because they aren't in the best health. The night before the trip, a friend of mine who is a doula recommended some calming herbal remedies to help the baby relax. I'm not one for drugging babies, but I did use his Hyland's colic tabs (which contain chamomile) and gave those to him whenever he started to get fussy (along with a booby). I paced myself and kept reminding myself that we're on baby time and guess what.....it worked out fine!

Good luck!

Wendi
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,314 Posts
Definitely depends on your baby I did a trip to Europe to visit family when my daughter was 3/4 months. It was a really long trip, 9 hour flight, 2 hour layover, 3 hour flight, 4 hour drive and I thought it was pretty easy. At that age they don't really want to get down on the ground, not crawling, happy to be held all day, nurse all the time. My daughter slept fabulously well on the plane so that was nice.

If you are worried about germs just ask people to wash their hands, other than that I wouldn't worry about people wanting to hold and play with the baby. Use the time to take a little break, the baby will let you know when it is done with other people.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
215 Posts
wow well im scared to death im going to be going back to the USA for a visit when my son is around 7 or 8 months and the flight here with layover and all totalled 21 hours I will be doing this alone hmmmm thats scary
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
116 Posts
We went back to China when dd was 6 weeks old. Dd was totally fine with the trip. The traveling itself was no problem. The only problem we hadn't anticipated was major nursing problems...we were seeing a LC, taking her to a chiropractor, etc. So we ended up feeling really crunched for time because of that unforseen difficulty. You just never know what things will be like before your baby is born.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,103 Posts
We have traveled extensively with my dd since she was born - first flight was at 8 wks old - plus she has been on 5 other round trip flights since then that were about 3 hours each way - and we just got back from Europe. IME - it is MUCH easier the younger they are - now that my girl is mobile - it is way harder to keep her occupied in the seat and not have her squirming and trying to get down the whole time...
I would say to go for it - as far as people wanting to hold the baby, etc - just wear her/him in a sling - it prevents people from just reaching out and expecting to have the baby handed to them if they see that the baby is wrapped up and attached to you. Our trip when dd was 8 weeks was to a wedding where my entire family was there and I did not want to play "pass the baby" so I wore her in a moby wrap and nobody except for my dh and my mom actually held the baby the entire weekend!
I would say - get a sling or wrap - and breastfeed a lot - especially during take off and landing and you will be fine.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
972 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks for all of your thoughts, everyone! We've made a deal that we'll buy our tickets after the baby's born, just to make sure both him and I are both up for it after the birth.

Good idea about the sling, too. I have a rebozo and a bjorn on the way, both of which will be intimidating for folks, I think. That's also a concern of mine -- I'm already feeling protective of my kid's space and don't want him passed around if he doesn't want to be. I'm also anticipating a lot of unsolicited advice on this trip about breastfeeding, diapering, etc. and really want to keep my cool about it, so if I can keep control over where my baby is I won't feel so out of control.
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top