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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Seeing a cool guy who lives very far away. We visit often but it's definitely a strange trip. Anyone else out there in the same sitch? Can you offer some words of advice and/or support? Also, how did you meet? How long have you been at this?

Many thanks.

Denny
 

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I had a long distance relationship through university. There were some great things about it.....the fact that we spent most of our time talking made it so easy for us to really know each other & be best of friends. However, it's also difficult because the time together is different & visits far between.

I used to find the visits a bit tough. First, there was so much anticipation, it's hard not to build it up too much. When we'd get together it would take a little bit for us to find our groove and then suddenly the realization that the time was ending soon & the disappointment that the time would be over.

I think long distance can work for awhile, but eventually, I think the only way for the relationship to evolve is to be closer together.

It's great you've found someone. I hope things go well for you.
 

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I am in complete agreement with all of LJ's reply. I have had 2 serious long distance relationships: one with someone I met from the internet and the other was a former boyfriend from when I was living in NYC (I had moved back to Oregon).

They are not easy and truly require both parties to be 150% committed to the relationship and absolute, no holds-bar honesty and communication.
 

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Dentente, you know I did that for about a year. It was very difficult at times, and so hard to say goodbye after we got to spend some time together.

It ultimately did not work out, but really the distance had little to do with it, where there is a will, there is a way..just be prepared to have a lot of patience.
 

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how far away is long distance?

Right now I am dating a man who lives about 1hr 15 min from me by car which isn't looong distance but damn I feel the distance because being a single mama its not like I have that 2 1/2 hour round trip time just at my finger tips all the time. Luckily he is very willing to drive to me but he has a life too KWIM , very busy with his carear. And he was very happily single for the four years before we hooked up so he is used to his space.

I fnd little snippets of time to go out to see him when I get off work early and the such so thats nice because I can sometimes suprise him like last friday


We have both just made a commitment to see eachother AT LEAST once a week no matter what we have to do....

I'm looking foward to this weekend because we get Sat night - Monday morning together CHILD FREE whoo -hoo!

I've done looong distance 2 states away before. In a lot of ways it was good because the communication had to be frequent and meaningful but damn I spent a lot of time missing that man.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Long distance? Hah! Try me in California and he in Edinburgh, Scotland. We met each other in February. He came to see me in April. I went to see him in May. He's on his way here for a month and arrives on July 3rd. We are very excited because if it works out he will be attempting to move out here. He's a brave little toaster, I know. Meeting him was a total fluke that I am almost too embarassed to tell you about but he is a wonderful, kind and caring man. Considerate. Articulate. Funny. Nothing like any man I have ever known. I do hope it works out but will not die if it does not. We have met each other's parents. My kid likes him. It's all a little weird but going well FWIW. It is hard work to sustain a relationship over such a distance and with an 8 hour time difference but somehow it is happening.

Keep your stories coming. You are inspiring me.

Denny
 

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Wow! That is long-distance.

I have never thought there is a magic formula for relationships that work. Strange things bring us together sometimes.

I think if it works, go for it!
 

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Dentente, my last relationship before J was 3000 miles away. We saw each other quite a few times in spite of the distance, and talked on the computer and the phone everyday. It can be done, and it is great that he is considering moving here if things work out..because that is the one thing that does make it tough.. your desire to be together..at some point you want more than what you have. Prior to my marriage to my ex, I was also engaged to someone else and he was in Rome.. that was tough too,lol but we stayed together through all..sadly he passed away before we married.
..and back then we didn't have the computer, only snail mail and expensive phonecalls, lol


J was 2 and a half hours away. We saw each other every weekend, and it got harder and harder to say goodbye,lol..and we would mope every moment we were apart...that is when he knew he had to move here, so he did..and it has been a beautiful thing
. We go back to Pa every other weekend to see his sons.

It can be done...let your hearts guide you and everything will turn out fine! Enjoy your time together this month, mama! peace.
 

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detente - I'm with you mama. Right now my new hubby is in France training for a new job. My daughter isn't allowed to move there (her dad is my x), so we are going to try this long distance thing for awhile with me in France one week a month and my dd there with us on school vacations. DH will come here too, but not as much. It's difficult to wrap my mind around this arrangement, but we both know we're doing it to reach some long term goals.

In spite of the time difference, we do manage to talk every day, run our joint stuff (household and finance decisions) and send regular emails, photos and cards. Hope it doesn't last forever. Well, it can't really.
 

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Quote:
They are not easy and truly require both parties to be 150% committed to the relationship and absolute, no holds-bar honesty and communication
ita!

had one. failed miserably because these things dwindled away..

that's great that you found someone.. i hope it works out wonderfully for you!
 

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my FH and I have been in a LD relationship for three years. We are 4 hours away from each other. One more year until the wedding.

It's hard. we want to see each other more often - currently we manage a weekend every 2 or 3 weeks. But we are staying LD until one of us has hatched the kids.

We talk on the phone at set times every day and other times in between. We have developed lots of little rituals that let us stay connected.

It helps that I have been single for 9 years and am totally used to being on my own.

he's worth it. guess that is what it comes down to, right?
 

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i just started a long distance relationship last month. i am glad to hear that so many have luck with it. I am still iffy about it but it is strong in my heart so i am trying to listen. We are a ways apart, i am in MA and he is in NC. it is kinda interesting though, he is from MA and i am from NC. we started talking online, he is supposed to be coming up in october to visit fam so we are gonna meet up then. Hopefully things go well.
good luck to all of your relationships!
 

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ok well awhile after i replied to this, i decided not to persue this relationship. i am just not ready, i need to concentate on school and moving out of my mothers house. and i dont really remeber how and the whole things scares me.

glad the rest of you have found this works.
 

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Just wanted to share my parents story.

My Mom and Dad meet in Yosimite National Park in August 1970 when they were both camping for the weekend. They saw each other for about 5 days. My Mom lived in San Jose, CA and my Dad lived in Kalamazoo, MI. In December 1970 my Dad sold his car for a ring and plane ticket. On this trip they saw each other for 8 days and my Dad told My Mom that dating was too expencive so they would have to get married. In June 1971 my parents got married after only "seeing" each other for 15 days and dating for 10 months. Thirty three years later they are still happily married (well, at lest when my Sisters and I weren't driving them nuts
)
 

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I did it. With my ex. Four years apart. I don't have any advice for you because in the end I don't think we were good for eachother and I think the distance apart just delayed us finding that out.
 

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My DH (of almost 4 years) were friends online and telephone (met through our parents who were college sweethearts and reconnected 7 years ago) for almost a year before we met. There was some serious flirting going on in the few months leading up to our meeting but neither of us thought the other could possibly like us! hehehe. I was in NYC, and he was in CA.

He visted me for 10 days in January, 10 days in March, moved in in May, and we were married in November. We've been happy as clams ever since, with not a single fight - and we did have to get to know each other better, as well as getting to know ourselves better.

I think that if you know, you know..YK?
 

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My husband is in China...I used to live there but had to come home during SARS because I was 6 months pregnant. All I can say is long distance is not conducive to fatherhood and marriage. We are struggling to keep the hope alive that someday we will be a real family, but since he hasn't been here for any of our DD's firsts and he has no clue what being a Dad really means, and he has absolutely no clue how hard the past 16 months have been on me doing this all alone, and as someone posted earlier, "where there is a will there is a way," well I am starting to feel that his will and my will are not well matched and that I might do better to carry on in a new direction as a single divorced mom.
 
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