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Uggg....Is this normal? Let me explain....<br>
I am married to the "perfect" guy...every Mother and Father's dream SIL. He has a great personality and a great job. He his able to support us well. We have two children whom he loves and is very active in their lives. But here is the problem, I don't consider myself "in love" with him and I question wether I love him. When I am away on a trip or out of town, to be honest I usually don't miss him. I know this sounds awful, but I feel that I should be honest. I think that my heart lies with a previous love I had before my husband. It was absolutely the best relationship that I have ever had. And the only time that I would have ever considered myself "in love" and loved a man so much. I often have dreams about my previous love and recently he contacted me and he just got married. He said that he does love his wife, but that he knew that he couldn't marry me because I was already married, so he married his current wife. He waited for 8 years to see if would pop back into his life, but I never did. I would never consider leaving my husband. But this makes me so sad<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> . Because I probably would be much happier with my previous love than my current husband. Does anyone understand? Thank you for letting me share.....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh">
 

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I see a lot of these threads on here and always read them becuase I too believe that I've felt more passionate in past relationships than I ever have with my very decent "keeper" of a dh.<br><br>
The answers always make me feel better. Everyone pretty much writes that these "lost soulmates" are creations, fantasies. We long for several things, one being ourselves at a younger age (and nostlgia makes ourselves at twenty seem such an attractive thing, even though at twenty we were bored and ugly-feeling and scared).<br><br>
I find such comfort in being reminded that I am making "him" up, forgetting all the petty stuff about him that I couldn't abide anymore than I can abide my dh pressing snooze three times (3 Xs!) every single morning.
 

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I understand.<br><br>
mamawanabe - please be careful of saying that someone is making something up out of some misguided nostalgia. Some may be doing that exact thing. But for others, who genuinely feel strongly about someone in the manner Violeta described, being told it is all in our heads, well it hurts pretty badly and makes us doubt ourselves...which we are already doing. Some of us believe in soulmates, to the very core of our being. And being told we are making it up, or delusing ourselves or that we have some sort of psychological problem just makes us even more unsure of ourselves.<br><br>
The only thing I can say is follow your heart. Some people need the "keeper" partner. Some people need the one who doesn't quite fit the mold, but who inspires passion. Some people thrive on comfort and predictability, other feel like they are trapped in that world.<br><br>
Know what is right for you and go with it. If you want to be with your hubby, then do it, wholeheartedly with no reservations, no withholding. If you don't, then don't short change him or yourself by giving him only a part of you and wondering what else could be.<br><br>
Like I said, follow your heart. If you really listen, it doesn't lie, and it usually knows what is best for you. Good luck.
 

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Well, no, you're not making it up, and it's certainly not "all in your head." BUT, the grass IS always greener on the other side of the fence, KWIM?<br><br>
There was a REASON that you and this other guy didn't get together (or didn't stay together) in the first place. Do you remember what that reason is? Would that reason still exist if the two of you were to try it now?<br><br>
Love takes work--it isn't all magic. Spend more time with your dh and try to find common interests. That will inspire love.<br><br>
You're married, the "past" guy is married, and you have two kids. An awful lot of people would be hurt if you and he tried it again. (And it didn't work before, remember?)
 

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Oh gosh, didn't mean to diminish or question your emotional reality. Maybe my language was too strong (I was trying to find a less cliched way to say that "perhaps the grass is always greener . . .).<br><br>
But I don't think self-doubt, especially when it concerns our longterm happiness, is a bad thing. Too much can be paralyzing and trapping, but some can be healthy and can help with decision making.<br><br>
There is a really interesting scientific study in the New York Times "The Futile Pursuit of Happiness" about what bad predictors of happiness (and unhappiness) humans are. We exagerate both in our predictions, imagining ourselves more happy than we will actaully feel if we get what we want and more unhappy than we will feel if something bad happens. The scientist conclude that the human brain is wired for an even keel kind of emotional experiencve, that we quickly adapt to whatever we thought would make us happy or unhappy and it becomes muted background.<br><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/07/magazine/07HAPPINESS.html" target="_blank">http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/07/ma...HAPPINESS.html</a><br><br>
I know it is gut wrenching to long for something and to feel dissatisfied. I hope you find perspectievs that can help you in this thread.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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I agree with the others who have posted here. I think you should be careful with the emotion of yearning for your past love. From what you describe of your current dh, it sounds to me like he is very loving, understanding, respectful, and a good father who wants to keep striving to be his best....those are great and wonderful qualities in a man. Sounds like he loves you deeply. Draw from that love he feels for you. If you think it is a matter of boredom, try spicing things up. I think it is important to exhaust all other avenues in your relationship before thinking of jumping ship for a past love.<br><br>
I do not believe what you are feeling is wrong. Feelings are neither right or wrong. It is what we do with those feelings that make them right or wrong. Please don't make a mistake that will end up hurting your (seemingly from your post) happy family.
 
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