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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi,<br><br>
I have been separated, never married, from the father of my dd, now 3 1/2, fo over a year. I think I still had hopes of working it out and so I did not go the legal route. Weel I guess I am finally coming to the realization that he is never going to get it together to be responsible and spend the time it would take to try and work it out. He would rather moan about how I messed everything up by moving out, there were reasons, and say he just doesn't have the time to devote to counseling etc. I am starting to explain too much I guess without really starting from the beginning but I guess what I am asking is if anyone knows a good lawyer in the san Francisco area. I have not recieved any child support, and have paid out a lot for mortgage payments in a house I am not living, so that he could finish fixing it up to sell. Granted he has spent some money on the remodel and the time it is taking to do it has , in the last four months, not allowed him to make any money. But I don't know what is fair and I need to talk to someone who does legally know.<br><br>
It hurts so much that he has not asked me back but it is worse to feel like I am not making sure my dd and I get what we need. I have been extremely fortunate to be able to stay with my parents for the last year but I do want to have my own place again.<br><br>
Thanks for listening and any advice or just some words of encouragement would be really appreciated.<br><br>
Quindi
 

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Hi Quindi,<br><br>
I don't know of lawyers in SF, but I want to offer my support to you. Your situation sounds similar to mine (see my thread "Paying ex-husband family support...") in that we were in a situation where we chose to be responsible for someone else's sense of well-being and now we are hurting because of that and possibly beating ourselves up about it. Just remember that you tried one way, it hasn't worked, and now it is OK to be seeking a new way. I am scared, too, about my path, and hope that if I am straightforward and clear within myself, things will get better. GOod luck to you.<br><br>
Laurie, mama to the strapping boy Elisha (1/26/96)
 

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I'm so sorry for your situation. I hope that you find resolution soon. Have you checked the Finding Your Tribe threads? The ladies there might be able to help.<br><br>
As for those who might know of a lawyer, please give your referals to the OP via PM rather than here on the boards. Unless you have the permission of the person you are posting to use their name on a public bulletin board, it is best not to post it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thanks for the words of ecouragement.<br><br>
Laurie, it sounds like you have done an amazing job taking care of things so far but I agree that speaking with an attorney is a good idea. It is something I have definately been avoiding because I wanted to keep things as friendly as possible for dd and for myself. The problem is that my ex does not seem to appreciate what I do to accomodate him (not much changed there) and on the contrary totally blames me for ruining his life and his relationship with our daughter when I moved out. I moved out because he was on drugs and I started to join him. so while not exactly in my right mind I packed everything of mine and our dd's up and moved back in with my parents. IT has been a really tough year and I am finally starting to feel better, after getting tons of support from friends and family and therapy for myself. The guilt he tries to lay on me for leaving eats me up becasue sometimes I agree and so wish I had not but then I come back to reality and know I need to move on.<br><br>
To move on I think I will need a lawyer so I can feel like I am taking care of myself and my beautiful daughter and not going on the guilt trip he is sending me on. He calls me all the time crying because he misses her so much and he is so overwhelmed with his debt and our house payments (which I am making half of) but he won't truly admit to having any part in why it happened. I am so tired of having my life on hold while he takes forever to fix up our house so it sells that I think I am going to tell the realtor that we will take almost anything to be rid of it.<br><br>
Well I really started telling the whole story. Thanks for reading. I guess I have been wanting to share with this list for while.You are all such wonderful, warm, strong and encouraging people.<br><br>
Thank you!<br>
Quindi
 

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Quindi:<br><br>
Please e-mail me at <a href="mailto:[email protected]">[email protected]</a> and I can give you the name of a lawyer in the East Bay that is very good. I, too, am waiting for STB-x to get off of his duff and do *something* with the house. Probably the only difference is the drug of choice - my x's is alcohol. SIGH!<br><br>
Also, have you tried the local bar association at <a href="http://www.sfbar.org" target="_blank">www.sfbar.org</a> or in the east bay at <a href="http://www.acbanet.org." target="_blank">www.acbanet.org.</a> For $25 they will recommend a family lawyer to you. Not a bad price for someone reputable.<br><br>
Good luck and let me know if and how I can help.
 
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