I don't know where to start, I just found out that I am pregnant, and I am scared, confused, and I have nearly no resources. I have a two year old homebirthed, breastfed, cloth diapered, unvaccinated, beautiful daughter that is so wonderful. I researched everything for her, and was completely prepared for my pregnancy, I could not ask for a more perfect child. But my life has changed significantly since my first pregnancy, I am divorced, my boyfriend is leaving the country permanently in 6 weeks, I have no job, so I decided to go back to school. My first thought was abortion, but I don't know if I could live with myself after. I am so torn, I just found out, so I have not made my mind up... I keep looking at adoption websites, and they seem like they are trying to sell me something, and it makes me feel very stressed... I don't even know if I will choose adoption, but they immediately show you pictures of familys and letters, and it is such a put off that I am now more torn than I was when I first started looking... does anyone know any good, unbiased, objective information that I can research before jumping into the biggest dicision of my life?
Looking for adoption info
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There are so many extreme viewpoints out there, I'm sure you're finding them as you look around. I agree that many of the agency websites will be very pushy or try to pull you in...I would stay away from agencies for a while until you've had a chance to think things through. For that matter, I'd say away from any source that says adoption is the only answer OR adoption is never an answer. After you've had time to think, you may want to approach an agency.
Could you do some reading about adoption, open adoption, being a birth/first mother? Online forums would be good, and so would some websites. I'm an adoptive mom, so most of the places I know are educational for adoptive parents (like www.adoptivefamiliesmagazine.com). There are birth and first mothers at MDC. I hope they PM you or point you in the direction of some support.
Please don't make any decision quickly. You have time to overcome the shock, time to find resources, time to make decisions. Adoption may not be the choice that's right for you, and after time you could find that resources exist for raising your baby. Reach out, look for support. I wish you all the best.
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There are some good agencies out there that will really help you figure out what you want (abortion, adoption, parenting) and there are some that will treat you like a broodmare--all they want is your baby.
Call around to different agencies. Don't tell them you're pregnant, just tell them you have questions. Or maybe tell them you're wanting to adopt a baby. See what they say about the expectant moms.
The big question is how many pregnant moms do they council each year. How many abort, how many adopt out, and how many keep their babies. If most moms place, then you probably want to stay away from that agency since they might be pushy and not really there for you. If most moms keep their babies, then they just might be okay. When I called Open Adoptions in Oregon they told me they counsel about 300 moms a year but only about 50 place their babies for adoption.
IF you choose to place this baby, there are plenty of ways to find the adoptive parents. You can go through an agency. They can help you find the parents or you can find your own (even if you're with an agency.) There are several online places you can meet adoptive parents. We advertised with parentprofiles.com. We met our baby's birthmom via a letter I'd sent to an obstetrician. If you're seeing a midwife, they might know of someone who you could respect that wants to adopt. Adoption attorneys often know of families. These are all IFs as you may make other choices, I'm just sharing some thoughts with you.
Another place to research is adoption.com. As an adoptive parent I learned a lot about adoption there. However, most people there have fairly mainstream parenting styles.
Good Luck. I'm sorry this time is so difficult for you.
Call around to different agencies. Don't tell them you're pregnant, just tell them you have questions. Or maybe tell them you're wanting to adopt a baby. See what they say about the expectant moms.
The big question is how many pregnant moms do they council each year. How many abort, how many adopt out, and how many keep their babies. If most moms place, then you probably want to stay away from that agency since they might be pushy and not really there for you. If most moms keep their babies, then they just might be okay. When I called Open Adoptions in Oregon they told me they counsel about 300 moms a year but only about 50 place their babies for adoption.
IF you choose to place this baby, there are plenty of ways to find the adoptive parents. You can go through an agency. They can help you find the parents or you can find your own (even if you're with an agency.) There are several online places you can meet adoptive parents. We advertised with parentprofiles.com. We met our baby's birthmom via a letter I'd sent to an obstetrician. If you're seeing a midwife, they might know of someone who you could respect that wants to adopt. Adoption attorneys often know of families. These are all IFs as you may make other choices, I'm just sharing some thoughts with you.
Another place to research is adoption.com. As an adoptive parent I learned a lot about adoption there. However, most people there have fairly mainstream parenting styles.
Good Luck. I'm sorry this time is so difficult for you.
i'm keeping this baby... It took my by surprise, but I thought... would I ever have regretted keeping him vs. giving him up? I know my situation is rough, but this is the rest of my life, and it can only be so bad for so long... wish me luck
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Congratulations!!
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I hope you have an uneventful pregnancy and that all your current difficulties are soon resolved!
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I think you made a great decision!!!! Congrats on your pregnancy, I wish you a healthy pregnancy, delivery and baby!!!!!!
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Originally Posted by crybaby  i'm keeping this baby... It took my by surprise, but I thought... would I ever have regretted keeping him vs. giving him up? I know my situation is rough, but this is the rest of my life, and it can only be so bad for so long... wish me luck |
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I had unexpected twins...it's hard to adjust to the unexpectedness of it, especially when life doesn't got as you planned, but be patient with yourself and your feelings. Eventually it will start to feel as if this way you want your life to be...at least in some of the really important ways.
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Congratulations! I'm glad you were able to figure out the best option for you. I have friends who successfully single parented and went to school - please look for all the assistance programs available to help you. It won't be easy, but I don't think you'll ever regret your decision.
I'm sorry you are going through such stress. I think it is probably harder because you already have a daughter.
I know that my town has a Crisis Pregnancy Center that helps pregnant women either choose adoption or helps them get signed up for whatever services they may qualify for. The adoption agency we are using is the Volunteers of America. I know that they don't do adoptions in every state, but they may in yours. They are completely non-profit, so they have nothing to gain from talking mothers into adoption. Our social worker has stressed to us that she offers pregnant women counseling and helps them figure out how to parent their babies if they don't choose adoption. She does not ever try and sway the moms to place their babies for adoption.
I know that my town has a Crisis Pregnancy Center that helps pregnant women either choose adoption or helps them get signed up for whatever services they may qualify for. The adoption agency we are using is the Volunteers of America. I know that they don't do adoptions in every state, but they may in yours. They are completely non-profit, so they have nothing to gain from talking mothers into adoption. Our social worker has stressed to us that she offers pregnant women counseling and helps them figure out how to parent their babies if they don't choose adoption. She does not ever try and sway the moms to place their babies for adoption.
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