[Dani DeVenney]

Hello,

I'm writing this post hoping someone can give me some advice. I have a 7 year old daughter who is extremely attention seeking and gets into a lot of trouble at school for it. Here are some facts:

- She is an only child
-Gets straight A's and has a great comprehension of curriculum
- Strongly dislikes school, Grade 2 (wont tell me why, does not like teacher though)
- Has laughed in her teachers face when teacher has tried disciplining her
- Has bullied other kids, tells some kids they can't play with her (her teacher told me)
-Her teacher described her behavior as "mean girl" and not normal for a 7 year old, more in line with a teenager
-She only has the behavioral problems at school, not at home or daycare although the "attention seeking" is constant.
-She fakes sick at school several times a month, when I ask her why she says she was homesick. She has gone as far as to limp around school pretending her foot was broken.
-She is hypersensitive to everything in a way that she can't let something go that most kids would not give a second thought to.
-She is definitely louder and more outgoing than most kids.
-She can be very dramatic. She has always been this way. There were many times I've had to leave in the middle of grocery shopping in the age 2-4 years. I placed my hand on her back guiding her out of the way of another shopper and she threw herself on the ground screaming that I pushed her (this has happened a couple times but not since age 4)

Her father and I are very thorough with disciplining her and always praise her accomplishments. I feel like we've done everything right, but obviously we're missing something.

Please let me know your thoughts and if there is any other info I've left out that may lend to your understanding of the situation.

Thanks!

 

[muddie]

I'd try the Kazdin Method:

The best way to eliminate an unwanted behavior is to build a strong alternative behavior in its place, what’s called the positive opposite of the unwanted behavior. The Kazdin Method® provides step-by-step instruction in how to do this under almost any conditions.

http://alankazdin.com/the-kazdin-me...with-no-pills-no-therapy-no-contest-of-wills/

 

[muddie]

Perhaps the school, or her teacher, is not particularly competent. Typically it's easier for the one interacting with the kid in real-time to address these behaviors. That is, the teacher not the parent. And teachers are often better at it than the parent, since they typically have more training.

Or maybe she is just not a good fit for this school or this class.

 

[One_Girl]

Mean girl behavior is actually very common in 2 nd grade. Many girls go through this in second through fourth grade. My dd was on the receiving end and I found The Bully, The Bullied, and The Bystander very helpful, you might also.

It sounds like a teacher/student mismatc. I suggest requesting a change, it is early enough in the year to possibly be helpful. I also suggest the book Raising a Thinking Preteen by Myrna Shure. She has some whole family emotional awareness exercises that are very helpful for the whole family and I found her work very non-judgmental.

 

[luckiest]

Congratulations, it sounds like you have a spirited child! Raising Your Spirited Child is a great resource. As for school - a lot of that just sounds like boredom to me. Spirited kids typically are intelligent and enjoy being challenged. If the curriculum isn't challenging, that energy will find another outlet. She might be bored at home too, being an only child, especially if she is extroverted. My spirited child is only 4, but fares SO much better and is much more manageable behaviorally if he gets lots of play time with other kids. Otherwise he seeks that connection with me, and I'm not up for it. Extroverts need lots of connection - maybe what you're seeing as attention seeking is really connection seeking.


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