[sapphire_chan]

I just read this and I can't find it. Basically it was talking about how before a certain age a child may remember they aren't supposed to do something but they don't always have the ability to stop themselves. For instance you'll see the child go up to the VCR and reach for the buttons and shake their head "no" and then go ahead and push the buttons. The article was about not seeing this as a sign that "they should know better".

Also about how if a child is say, throwing a cup on the floor over and over it isn't about making the parent mad, it's about the noise the cup makes.

 

[Leilalu]

I have seen this too

But I sadly don't remember where either!

it's called impulse control. Supposedly kids under the age of 4 or 5 or soemthing like that- don't really have it. So, they may know what to do, but can't nessecarily always control the "not doing it" part.

Example, dd, 3(almost 4) : We are out in the backyard. She is picking up oliander flowers that grow beyond our fence which the yard cleaning crew didn't trim yet(grrrrr)and collecting them and picking them off of bushes, her toys, etc. I think I told her about 50 times that they were poisonous and not to pick them. It has since clicked and she no longer picks them quite as often.

And she now tells me they are poisonous. So, basically, I don't trust her yet, developmentally speaking, to keep herself safe in our garden.lol

 

[sapphire_chan]

Impulse control. Thanks, that makes a great term for Google searches.
http://www.bookrags.com/other/health...pment-wap.html

This wasn't it.

ARRRRGGHHHH!!! I want to find it because my SIL tells me that its stupid to say that babies don't have impulse control because her dd was able to not bite her when nursing. ARRRRRGGGGHHHH!! And my cousin was like "he's 19 months old, he knows what he's doing."
The whole point of the piece was that "yes, they do know what they're doing, but they still need *you* to help"

 

[sapphire_chan]

This ringing a bell for anyone else?

Oh, and annoyingly enough, it looks like "impulse control" was *not* a phrase in the article.

 

[WuWei]

Sure this isn't it. But, if you are bored, it might be interesting: http://findarticles.com/p/articles/m...27/ai_59037731 It is 17 pages long.

Pat

 

[sapphire_chan]

Anyone? Does this ring a bell for anyone?

The piece talked about something along the lines of "the child may even pause and shake her head 'no' causing the parent to think that the child 'knows what she's doing'...."

And I remember it gave the example of going to play with the buttons on the VCR.

It also said something about "...this is significant because it shows children younger than three have not developed the ability to control their behaviors..."

 

[maya44]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan Also about how if a child is say, throwing a cup on the floor over and over it isn't about making the parent mad, it's about the noise the cup makes.

Maybe its about the noise the cup makes, but maybe its about relaizing that even though it DOES make your parent mad, the child is the one who controls his own actions and that is a really cool thing.

To me it sets up a false scenario to say "oh your child does not realize he is making you mad, its just that he wants to hear the noise the cup makes"

This often makes a gd parent try to "honor the desire" and find other ways for the child to make the noise. The parent then gets frustrated when this does not seem to "work"

Sometimes, I think we have to acknowledge that the child, especially at the toddler age, DOES realize she is making her parents mad, but is thrilled with the knowledge that her parent's disaproval does not control her body, that SHE is in charge of her body's actions. This is a very important and healthy thing for her to know.

The result then is not to be annoyed at the child for "knowing what she is doing is wrong, but doing it anyway" or for (and i see this all time on this board) "laughing at us"....but instead UNDERSTANDING why it is normal and natural for a child to take delight in doing what they know they are not supposed to.

Thus, I might remove the cup from my child's hands if she was throwing it and doing damage and not able to stop, but i would not be upset or mad or annoyed with her for trying to do it.

 

[rmzbm]

What does "knowing what your doing" have to do with impulse control?

That article sounds familiar to me as well.

Will keep checking to see if you found it, I'd like to read it, too!

 

[pianojazzgirl]

I hope someone can find that article cause I have some moms I'd like to share it with!

 

[sapphire_chan]

I was just doing so much reading when I found it that I have no idea what it was from. Doesn't appear to be a Dr. Sears article, doesn't appear to have been in Mothering. Wasn't in the Einstein Never Used Flascards book. Not at moxiemom.

 

[DevaMajka]

I read something like that in either Becoming the Parent you Want to Be or Einstein Never Used Flashcards - don't remember which.
It basically said that until a certain age, kids might know that when they go to touch the vcr, that MOM will stop them. They associate "no" with mom stopping them. They don't associate it with THEM stopping themselves. So even though they say "no" as they touch the vcr, its just because they know they will be stopped. It's not that they know they shouldn't do it in the first place.
Something like that. lol

Oh, just read that you said it wasn't in Einstein. Perhaps Becoming the Parent, then.

I looked at the Becoming the Parent site, and found this:
Read this week's question: "Toddler Testing"
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html
imo, its a great article

even if its not exactly the one you are looking for.

 

[sapphire_chan]

yes!! That's it! Hmm, I gotta get the Einstein book out again, maybe I missed it in just skimming through again. Actually Dh wants to look at it again anyway because the family babies are about to hit some toddler milestones and we want to try some of the games in there.

That Becoming the Parent thing is pretty spiffy. I've never read it before, so I guess the article must be in the Einstein flashcard book.

:

 

[pianojazzgirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deva33mommy I looked at the Becoming the Parent site, and found this: Read this week's question: "Toddler Testing" http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/subsection13.html imo, its a great article even if its not exactly the one you are looking for.

Thanks for finding that article. I shared it with some other moms who said it really gave them something to think about.

 

[DevaMajka]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan yes!! That's it! Hmm, I gotta get the Einstein book out again, maybe I missed it in just skimming through again. Actually Dh wants to look at it again anyway because the family babies are about to hit some toddler milestones and we want to try some of the games in there. That Becoming the Parent thing is pretty spiffy. I've never read it before, so I guess the article must be in the Einstein flashcard book. :

Thinking about it more, I'm almost positive that what I'm thinking of I read in Becoming the Parent.
There was some great stuff in Einstein though, possibly something similar- I love the M&M experiment!!

pianojazzgirl - I'm so glad you could use that article! Hopefully, those moms really do think about it, even a little bit!

 

[DevaMajka]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan And I remember it gave the example of going to play with the buttons on the VCR. It also said something about "...this is significant because it shows children younger than three have not developed the ability to control their behaviors..."

This part sounds very much like Einstein though.

Quote:

This often makes a gd parent try to "honor the desire" and find other ways for the child to make the noise. The parent then gets frustrated when this does not seem to "work"

Yeah, the impulse (desire) is not always the "obvious" thing. You could have 5 different kids throwing the cup, and find 5 VERY different impulses behind it- from "my juice is warm and I want fresh juice" to "the sound is cool" to "it's fun to sop up juice with a towel!" to "I KNOW mom will pay attention to me NOW!"

And I hate to be a devil's advocate here, but ds is 2 and definitely knows that when I say "don't do x" I mean for HIM to not do x. But then I always explain, and make sure he understands why.

 

[sapphire_chan]

Oh totally. That the child might even stop and shake their head "no" before continuing to do whatever it is was part of the example. The point was that the child isn't necessarily able to stop themselves without additional help--such as being told "please play with your book instead" or being physically separated from the unauthorized object.

That's what was so interesting about this piece of writing, it was about how even when kids know perfectly well what they're doing they aren't doing it to manipulate.

It wasn't the section on lying from Einstein Never Used Flashcards, I do know that much. That has similar elements, but it's not the right thing.

 

[Marco Esquandolas]

id vs. ego vs. super ego.

stimulus reponse

cause and effect

anything I said will be old and not a new article.....

will read whole thread now.......

eta: breezed it. yeah, nothing sears said is where I was. I'm talking older stuff (like freud, skinner....).

 

[LynnS6]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan That the child might even stop and shake their head "no" before continuing to do whatever it is was part of the example..

When dd was learning not to bite after nursing when she was teething she would pause during nursing, and then shake her head without unlatching!!

: I wasn't sure which was worse - biting or her learning not to bite!! It was very clear she was THINKING about it, even when she did it. (I learned to unlatch her at the first shake.)

 

[sapphire_chan]

I'm pretty sure it's not online at this point. The two books I've read on parenting in the right timeframe is the Einstein book and Playful Parenting. It's not the right style for Cohen's book and I wasn't able to find it when I looked through ENUFCs, but that doesn't mean it wasn't one of them.

I've got ENUFCs on hold again, but if someone has the book and can tell me if it's there that would be really great.

Thanks for thinking about the problem Marco Esquandolas.

 

[DevaMajka]

I never read Playful Parenting, so if its in there, its also somewhere else. Good luck!!!