[twins+1]

Our first son was circ'd before I really knew there were people not circumcising. Its very popular to do it here in WI as far as friend's having babies and such, so I didn't think to research it with my son who is now 2.
I felt SO sad having him leave to go get circ'd and my husband went with him and made sure the Dr used anesthetic before anything was done. So, thankfully he only cried for the needle poke and then was calm through the whole thing. What's done is done and I can't change the fact that he was circ'd, but now I know way more information and I've asked DH to consider that we do not circ our new son on the way. He seems quite sure he wants new baby to be circ'd cause our first is and he is as well. However, I don't know. It just seems like if God intended boys to be circ'd that they wouldn't be born with that foreskin. I just don't know how else or what info to show him that would make him seriously consider not circumcising our new baby. Even Dh himself had a poor circ as a baby (it wasn't completely circ'd around the head of the penis and it pulled where it wasn't circ'd) and had to have it redone when he was 7 or 8 and he remembers the pain of healing.
Any links out there or info to help? Stories of having 2 sons intact/not intact?

 

[Fellow Traveler]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Our first son was circ'd before I really knew there were people not circumcising. Its very popular to do it here in WI as far as friend's having babies and such, so I didn't think to research it with my son who is now 2. I felt SO sad having him leave to go get circ'd and my husband went with him and made sure the Dr used anesthetic before anything was done. So, thankfully he only cried for the needle poke and then was calm through the whole thing. What's done is done and I can't change the fact that he was circ'd, but now I know way more information and I've asked DH to consider that we do not circ our new son on the way.

Welcome to the board, I am thrilled that you're looking into this more carefully. You're right, what's done is done so let's focus on your new guy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 He seems quite sure he wants new baby to be circ'd cause our first is and he is as well. However, I don't know. It just seems like if God intended boys to be circ'd that they wouldn't be born with that foreskin.

Just so you know, there are several parents here who have been in your situation. I am not one of them but I'll tell you that when they reply they'll say that the 'difference' is not that big of a deal to anyone. I am an intact guy, my father is circumcised and it didn't make a bit of difference to me. It won't be a problem for your son either. Two posters that I hope respond are kbecks and perspective. kbecks two oldest are her youngest is not and perspective is a twin he is his brother isn't. I am sure they'll be able to address those concerns well.

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 I just don't know how else or what info to show him that would make him seriously consider not circumcising our new baby. Even Dh himself had a poor circ as a baby (it wasn't completely circ'd around the head of the penis and it pulled where it wasn't circ'd) and had to have it redone when he was 7 or 8 and he remembers the pain of healing. Any links out there or info to help? Stories of having 2 sons intact/not intact?

I don't have stories personally but if neither of those two reply, PM and ask them I am sure they won't mind if they know the thread is here. As for what else to show him you have to really tell us if he has more specific concerns. There isn't much literature on this specific issue so are there other issues? Is he concerned from a medical perspective or anything like that? We can help a lot on that and there are links and articles to look at.

 

[Greg B]

I would show him this

http://www.doctorsopposingcircumcisi...yStatement.pdf

It was written by doctors, so can be considered authoritative, if that is something helpful for him. And it has references, so he can delvefurther if he wants.

I was circ'd and when I had my first sone I was sure I did not want him to be circumcised, but did not know why. It was no issue at all. A couple questions, along the tlines of why do you have hair growing out of your face?

This is such a bogus worry. Notice when they were promoting circ before it was common in the US, they didn't say "Oh my we won't look like all the intact people so we better not do this...." But now it is a big worry? <rolls eyes>

Regards

 

[twins+1]

Thanks so much for your replies. It is even more interesting to have the stand-point of men. Excellent info.

 

[tutucrazy]

You should have no worries about having one circed boy and one intact. We have many members that have intact and circed boys. When you know better you do better, right? Perspective might chime in soon b/c he is circed and he has an intact brother (twin). It really isn't a big deal. You teach your sons in an age appropriate way that you didn't know any better and now we know circ is unnecessary and a choice only for the owner of the penis.

 

[tutucrazy]

Btw, when your circed son is of age, you can give him information about non-surgical restoration and you can explain to him about the benefits of the foreskin. If you raise your boys with the understanding of the importance of genital integrity you won't likely have to worry about them circing their children.

 

[perspective]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Stories of having 2 sons intact/not intact?

I am a younger guy, I have a fraternal twin, I am circumcised and he is not. I am not exactly sure why but my twin and I were born premature, I had more problems then him and stayed in the hospital longer, while he left fairly quickly, so that might have something to do with it.

Anyway, I can tell you, you really have nothing to worry about. It never was an issue for me or my brother, in fact we never really thought about it much. Its not that we never saw each other naked, we saw each other naked about as much as you would expect two brothers growing up in the same room would, fairly often. But its just kids look at things differently then adults do. I had blonde hair, he had brown, I was taller and he was shorter, even just looking around a kid sees that most people have all these different looking body parts. Why would we be surprised that our penises didn't look the same either.

I have talked to my brother about this issue briefly and he never seemed to be bothered that he was the only intact in the family, he never felt different because of it.
Honestly I think your intact son will not have a problem either, as long as you or your husband do not treat him any differently.

If you have any further questions, feel free to ask.

 

[twins+1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by perspective I am a younger guy, I have a fraternal twin, I am circumcised and he is not. I am not exactly sure why but my twin and I were born premature, I had more problems then him and stayed in the hospital longer, while he left fairly quickly, so that might have something to do with it. Anyway, I can tell you, you really have nothing to worry about. It never was an issue for me or my brother, in fact we never really thought about it much. Its not that we never saw each other naked, we saw each other naked about as much as you would expect two brothers growing up in the same room would, fairly often. But its just kids look at things differently then adults do. I had blonde hair, he had brown, I was taller and he was shorter, even just looking around a kid sees that most people have all these different looking body parts. Why would we be surprised that our penises didn't look the same either. I have talked to my brother about this issue briefly and he never seemed to be bothered that he was the only intact in the family, he never felt different because of it. Honestly I think your intact son will not have a problem either, as long as you or your husband do not treat him any differently. If you have any further questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks so much for your input. So, you do not feel 'bad' that you were circ'd and he was not? My Mom (Grandma) worries that our older son will feel that he was not given the consideration of being intact that we are giving our 2nd son. However, as a mom my plan would be to just tell them that we didn't know any differently the first time, and once we did, we chose to make a different decision.
DH's concerns are not medical or health concerns. His concerns are more for the fact that he and older son are circ'd and younger son would not be. So, this helps.

Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'. However, my feeling is that when our son meets a woman that truely loves him, that won't matter. If she is basing it on his penis, then she needs to go! ha ha
on the other hand, I have heard that sexually being intact can be better for both partners.

Just tonight DH didn't realize that our son 'could' chose to have a circumcision as an adult if he chooses. He felt that this was a one-time opportunity for our son.

 

[Greg B]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'. However, my feeling is that when our son meets a woman that truely loves him, that won't matter. If she is basing it on his penis, then she needs to go! ha ha on the other hand, I have heard that sexually being intact can be better for both partners. Just tonight DH didn't realize that our son 'could' chose to have a circumcision as an adult if he chooses. He felt that this was a one-time opportunity for our son.

The last sentence of this quote speakes volumes about how informed your DH is. That is such a basic piece of information in the decision making process.

As far as womens preference, I can give you this. I was RIC, but am now mostly restored. The foreskin makes a huge difference. Not in sensitivity though.

Instead it is new feelings, whole body feelings, enjoyment of all the stages of arousal. Before it was completely focused on getting to orgasm. And the orgasm was a tense centered release. Now it is a sensual exploration, no rush, just enjoy the trip and all the pauses along the way. It is really hard to put it in words.

I will also add that my wife was the first to mention something felt much better than it had. And she has found she is way more comfortable and intercourse feels a whole lot better. Just one small aspect of this is we no longer need lubricant, whereas before we needed multiple applications.

And she loves the way it looks, feels to play with, and the way it looks. I might point out she had no experience with foreskins, had not thought about them, didn't know what the prupose was, and was worried I would hurt myself restoring and that would negatively affect our love life.

She is now feels that RIC is absolutley horrid and cannot understand why anyone would do it.

Some have said that a foreskin is a good shallow woman repellent....

Regards

 

[Quirky]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1; Thanks so much for your input. So, you do not feel 'bad' that you were circ'd and he was not? My Mom (Grandma) worries that our older son will feel that he was not given the consideration of being intact that we are giving our 2nd son. However, as a mom my plan would be to just tell them that we didn't know any differently the first time, and once we did, we chose to make a different decision. DH's concerns are not medical or health concerns. His concerns are more for the fact that he and older son are circ'd and younger son would not be. So, this helps. Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'. However, my feeling is that when our son meets a woman that truely loves him, that won't matter. If she is basing it on his penis, then she needs to go! ha ha on the other hand, I have heard that sexually being intact can be better for both partners. Just tonight DH didn't realize that our son 'could' chose to have a circumcision as an adult if he chooses. He felt that this was a one-time opportunity for our son.

I think your plan is exactly right on.

And think about your mom's argument for a minute.....it doesn't show your older son that you loved him any less if you protect your younger son from a harmful surgery. And think about what your younger son would say to you when he grew up and wanted to know why you'd cut off part of his penis: "So, my older brother, you didn't know any better, I get that, but with me, you DID know better, and cut me anyway? So my BROTHER would feel better? But it's MY penis, not his!"

In other words, two wrongs don't make a right.

 

[GoldmanBaby09]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'. However, my feeling is that when our son meets a woman that truely loves him, that won't matter. If she is basing it on his penis, then she needs to go! ha ha on the other hand, I have heard that sexually being intact can be better for both partners. Just tonight DH didn't realize that our son 'could' chose to have a circumcision as an adult if he chooses. He felt that this was a one-time opportunity for our son.

My father is circed and none of my 4 brothers are, and it was never an issue in our house. I don't think my brothers even questioned it and my dad wasn't hanging around naked.

I had a boyfriend in high school that was uncirced. Obviously I didn't have a problem with it, and I agree that if a girl is going to have issues over that, she probably doesn't deserve to be with my son. My old bf decided a few years after we broke up to go and get circed, mostly for aesthetic reasons. But at least that was a choice he got to make about his own body when he was a grown man

 

[twins+1]

Thanks for all your replies.

Its all great advice.

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'. However, my feeling is that when our son meets a woman that truely loves him, that won't matter. If she is basing it on his penis, then she needs to go! ha ha on the other hand, I have heard that sexually being intact can be better for both partners.

I've only ever been with circ'd men. Every woman I know who has been with both prefers intact men over circ'd.

 

[twins+1]

I think Dh and I have come to an agreement to leave our new baby boy intact when he is born.

: (I'll let him think he's having a say in the decision, but really they aren't taking my newborn away to circ him without a fight from his mommy). Anyway, I think all your information and DH and I discussing the issue has saved our little boy from this procedure.

 

[eepster]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Other concerns I have heard is 'girls don't like uncirc'd penises as much'.

Growing up, I only ever saw intact. When I finally did see a circ'd as a teen, it was quite a shock. For the small number of women who have a prefence for circ'd it is simply culturlal conditioning. It may seem like a lot of women in WI, but in the world as a whole, most women are used to intact.

Since fewer and fewer boys are being circ'd, there will be fewer and fewer girls who are unfamiliar with the intact penis. They will grow into women your DS's age.

Glad your DH seems to be getting on board. Make sure you look into protecting your DS in the hospital.

 

[twins+1]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eepster Glad your DH seems to be getting on board. Make sure you look into protecting your DS in the hospital.

Is there something in particular I need to do? I will write it in the birth plan as well. I have heard you need to tell the Dr not to mess around with his penis to look in there. Is there something else to do?

 

[Fellow Traveler]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twins+1 Is there something in particular I need to do? I will write it in the birth plan as well. I have heard you need to tell the Dr not to mess around with his penis to look in there. Is there something else to do?

Just put it in your chart, make sure you also verbally inform the ob, pedi, nurses, and others who may come in contact with your son. It is important that they also no not to 'retract' or do anything like that. No special care is needed and sometimes you have to make sure they know that too.

 

[Treece]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwhispers Just put it in your chart, make sure you also verbally inform the ob, pedi, nurses, and others who may come in contact with your son. It is important that they also no not to 'retract' or do anything like that. No special care is needed and sometimes you have to make sure they know that too.

Someone on here suggested "manipulation" instead of "retraction" as some may see the later as meaning exposing the head, and the former as messing with it.

 

[sunbun]

Let me start off by saying that I am a visual person. So, in order to make an informed decision, I watched the procedure on youtube, well, I could just watch half of it before I had to turn it off. I will never be the same. It was quite traumatic to witness and was very persuasive in making my decision. My mind has been made up. I had my DH watch it too and he had the same reaction as me.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I have two intact boys 9 and 13. They look different than eiach other down there. One has a long foreskin, one has a short one.

One of my good friends circ'd her first boy, then circ'd her second one even though I'm pretty sure she knew it was wrong. Her reason was that she felt her boys should match. The first boy had lots of skin removed, the second boy barely looks circ'd. To make matters worse, thefirst boy had a testicular torsion and had to have one testicle removed.

So uch for matching.

Neither my boys, nor my friend's boys have any issue with not matching.