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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
so, i have been writing seriously lately and i am looking to improve and to ultimately to publish. I have 2 "completed" poems right now and a story with which i am not sure where to go.<br><br>
would you mind looking over them and giving constructive feedback? it has been many years since i have workshopped any of my writing.<br><br>
(just to clarify, even if i don't publish <i>these</i> works, I would eventually like to write for puiblication.)<br><br>
For now, here are the poems, thanks. -gila<br><span style="text-decoration:underline;"><br>
The L.O.V.E. Club</span><br><br>
Are you in the L.O.V.E. club?<br><br>
It meets at my house.<br><br>
After they leave or go to sleep.<br><br>
I come to every meeting.<br><br>
Sometimes he comes too.<br><br>
I am really happy when he comes.<br><br>
He is the reason I joined the club,<br><br>
I thought maybe we could get to know each other better.<br><br>
Maybe we would get along.<br><br>
Maybe it might lead to something.<br><br><br>
But usually he is too tired or has work or is in a bad mood.<br><br>
Whenever I am on my way to a meeting,<br><br>
I cross my fingers and quiver with a skip-in-my-step hope,<br><br>
that he is gonna be there this time.<br><br>
Because then, the L.O.V.E. club would totally start to take off.<br><br>
But for now…<br><br>
He is asleep on the couch.<br><br>
I think he forgot about the club meeting.<br><br>
Maybe tomorrow.<br><br><br><br><br><span style="text-decoration:underline;">Up/ Down</span><br><br>
When I look down…<br>
at my shoulder, I want to see<br>
your hand wrapped around it,<br>
deep with wrinkles because many years<br>
have passed since people asked me<br>
was I with that young man?<br>
and I want to see the sun shining<br>
on white hairs covering your knuckles.<br>
Because I like the sun and we are standing<br>
in the garden that we have planted,<br>
amongst the flowers that have bloomed in soil<br>
rich with years<br>
of work and love and tears.<br><br>
When I look up…<br>
to heaven, I want to thank G!D<br>
for you, because you have taught me<br>
a lot about life and love and about myself.<br>
because without you, I wouldn’t have them<br>
and they are the best thing<br>
that ever happened to me.<br>
and because I just like you<br>
and you make me happy and you are fun and you care.
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