Let's start with me. I am 6 month pregnant with #2, dealing with what has recently become a very clingy toddler who only wants mommy and working a high demand job that takes me away from home for 40 hours a week (plus commute) then often required I work some nights and weekends due to a major project going on right now. I do 75% of the housework, 90% of the childcare and support our family financially. So, I am just a little overwhelmed right now.
DH works a PT job making barely (well, recently less than) enough to cover daycare for our son. He works about 3 full days and 2 very part time days. the one thing he does is daycare drop off and pick up most days. He stayed home with DS for the first year after my maternity leave because he was unable to find a job, however if I wasn't job searching for him he would have sent no resumes out at all. Since we met he has been struggling with depression and anxiety. Early on in our relationship he got help, saw a therapist and went on medication. He did much better but decided he didn't want to be on drugs and weaned himself off. Since then he periodically falls back into episodes of depression. THe most recent example is right now. He had a show on Friday night (he plays in a local band). When I saw him Saturday morning he was very down. Apparently he felt he played horribly and it set him in a tailspin downwards. It became so much more than about his ability at the show or how he felt he played poorly (which from what everyone says isn't even true, he sounded fine) It was "I can't do anything right" and "I am a bad person" This is not unusual. He has very low self esteem but rather than trying to deal with the issues and find something he enjoys and is good at he gives up. There is no motivation to fix the problem. I can no longer be supportive. I need him to "man up" and take care of his family. I cannot handle the pressure of being the sole provider both financially and emotionally for the growing family especially knowing I will be recovering from birth and the first few months pp. I just can't be supportive and understanding anymore. Our most recent conversation ended with me saying " you have 2 options. either you fix this on your own or you go get some help, I am not going to do it for you and I don't want to hear it anymore. It is the same story over and over". He has plenty of time to go back to school, job search or go to therapy but he would rather sit at the computer and read/research his latest obsession which changes daily. He can spend hours reading about something if he gets it in his head.
I want to be supportive and I want him to be happy but I am beginning to recent him for not dealing with this and taking action. I can't do it for him and he is not listening to me. What can I do to get through to him and make him understand this is not working. I need to see some change before the baby comes or I think I will loose it.
DH works a PT job making barely (well, recently less than) enough to cover daycare for our son. He works about 3 full days and 2 very part time days. the one thing he does is daycare drop off and pick up most days. He stayed home with DS for the first year after my maternity leave because he was unable to find a job, however if I wasn't job searching for him he would have sent no resumes out at all. Since we met he has been struggling with depression and anxiety. Early on in our relationship he got help, saw a therapist and went on medication. He did much better but decided he didn't want to be on drugs and weaned himself off. Since then he periodically falls back into episodes of depression. THe most recent example is right now. He had a show on Friday night (he plays in a local band). When I saw him Saturday morning he was very down. Apparently he felt he played horribly and it set him in a tailspin downwards. It became so much more than about his ability at the show or how he felt he played poorly (which from what everyone says isn't even true, he sounded fine) It was "I can't do anything right" and "I am a bad person" This is not unusual. He has very low self esteem but rather than trying to deal with the issues and find something he enjoys and is good at he gives up. There is no motivation to fix the problem. I can no longer be supportive. I need him to "man up" and take care of his family. I cannot handle the pressure of being the sole provider both financially and emotionally for the growing family especially knowing I will be recovering from birth and the first few months pp. I just can't be supportive and understanding anymore. Our most recent conversation ended with me saying " you have 2 options. either you fix this on your own or you go get some help, I am not going to do it for you and I don't want to hear it anymore. It is the same story over and over". He has plenty of time to go back to school, job search or go to therapy but he would rather sit at the computer and read/research his latest obsession which changes daily. He can spend hours reading about something if he gets it in his head.
I want to be supportive and I want him to be happy but I am beginning to recent him for not dealing with this and taking action. I can't do it for him and he is not listening to me. What can I do to get through to him and make him understand this is not working. I need to see some change before the baby comes or I think I will loose it.
